by Lemar Jerel Johnson
The changes began subtly. The wives of the most powerful legislators in America began to organize and meet on a regular basis, and old enemies among the women got along wonderfully. Their personalities changed radically; they became...eccentric. Then their views began to oppose those of their husbands - and, even more strangely, they began to announce them. They developed distinct ties with a variety of feminist groups and, oddly enough, adults-only publications. Soon, they represented a radical, left-wing political nightmare, backed by dozens of shadowy organizations. But their power was purposeless and ineffectual... until the time was right!
This description has more references than I can count. If something seems incomprehensible, it's an in-joke.
Make a Government group Liberal (or Nationalize a low-Resistance target if there's none available), boost the Congressional Wives to Power 6, make them Liberal, build your Power Structure up in a way to specifically target the victim, move more groups (via Phone Phreaks) to the target and, in a cry of triumph, take the victim from your foe's pathetic Power Structure! Then take a breath.
"It's just a phase Luanne's going through with the kids gone. You know how mothers are when they leave the nest."
Lead with the Savings and Loans. Their bonus to control Corporate and Government (one of the few any-attack bonuses to control Government) won't be useful until much later in the game, but their special ability to cancel either of them is generically wonderful. Afterwards, go for Professional Sports and Girlie Magazines - if you'd like, you could attack Princess Di from your hand at a large bonus from both groups. Get the OMCLs ASAP; get out the Center for Weird Studies before even that (since if someone else gets them, you'll never get them).
Do not lead with the Congressional Wives if you can help it; they're rarely played by most people, so you can afford to save them until later.
"Stay where you are, Norman. We want to help you.
"They - they've gotten to you, too!
Put Nationalization on a group that "might be a threat" to you - one that happens to be easy to take over, coincidentally. If it is already Government, Straighten it up as soon as possible - if you wait until later, people will wonder why you're bothering. If you can get away with it, give the target a Liberal Agenda just before your final turn.
Don't settle for placing your robot replacements in the midst of your opponents' pawns; ensure the proper conduct of your agents by making them One with the Will of the Machine. Put out the Congressional Wives and give them Grassroots Support. (Don't put any power-boosters based on their Conservative alignment on them, as they will soon become bleeding-heart servants of Eris). Give them a Liberal Agenda, as I just mentioned. This makes Princess Di's bonus kick in, as well as allowing most of your Power Structure to aid the Wives for defense. In addition, when it becomes time for your vicious enforcement of Political Correctness by your cold, unfeeling, android minions, the Wives will receive yet more support.
While you are waiting to strike, feel free to sow dissent amongst your rivals: such chaos is truly the will of Eris (at least every day except Wednesdays, when her will involves german sausages). Beware using your precious Plots before the endgame, however; keep at least one of the "power-grab" NWOs (see below for which ones) in your deck for the final play. Do play Military-Industrial Complex as soon as possible, both to make you even more immune than usual and to make your opponents waste yellow NWOs if the current one annoys them. If your NWOs are unopposed in the endgame, you will be that much more powerful.
Beware World Hunger; while your androi- ahh, enhanced spousal units do not need such sustenance, their male pawns will get huge political flak for allowing such a disaster to occur. And Princess Di would be spending all of her time doing fundraisers instead of serving your goals. Keep Fear and Loathing ready for just such an occasion. You could also knock out the Hunger with Interesting Times. In the latter case, declare Illuminati Special Goals nullified, as you won't be needing yours, anyway.
Notice what the other players have on the board. If someone is playing with a nation, you are completely set; after you drop the Congressional Wives, put out NATO and the Rogue Boomer, but don't put them out a moment beforehand. Otherwise, spread those alignment-switchers around and mourn how you can't get up enough power to kill Conservatives like you planned.
The Orbital Mind Control Lasers must be yours. If yours gets Forged, Forge it right back twice as hard. If you're feeling wacky and people don't believe you're really Discordia, play Forgery on your own copy so you can play your second copy of the card.
Try to put the Congressional Wives out in a way such that they could have a puppet with two other puppets without interfering with any other groups. (In other words, if the Congressional Wives were to take Group X, be sure that Group X's puppets fit in your Power Structure). It might benefit you to play a dry run of the deck and experiment with the layout of the Power Structure. Do not under any circumstances block the Control Arrow of the Congressional Wives!
You have waited long enough. Now it is time for you to reveal your true plan.
Count your groups; you want to be just two or three groups away from the Basic Goal. Once your victim's group has lots of matching alignments (or you have the OMCLs and he has no way to change them), you may strike. Prepare the turn before by amassing +10 cards for many different alignments via the Crystal Skull. Completely armadillo-out (e.g., spend no actions for any reason) on the turn before the win as well, if you can, to maximize Plot draw. If you can, drop Law and Order and Political Correctness on the turn before as well, as to allow more cards in your hand during the final strike.
On the last turn, move a far-off puppet onto the control arrows of the victim using the Phone Phreaks; in the best of all worlds, the target has three puppets. It's all right that the target is close to the Illuminati; that paltry +10 bonus will mean nothing, shortly (though if you could convince someone to Sorry, Wrong Number the victim beforehand, it would be all the more sweet).
Now make an attack with at least a Power of 50 against the target from the Congressional Wives.
Undoable, you say? Count it up. You should use at least two +10 cards and a Privileged Attack card. Since the Power of the Wives is 6, plus 10 for attacking a Government group, your basic power will be 43 (your Illuminati had to aid the attack in order to make the attack Privileged). Remember that no one can trade Plot cards during a Privileged Attack! Like alignments will be anywhere from +4 to +8 worth in power (before the NWOs are taken into account; see below).
This will need to be done quietly; if the target is Media, Censorship will be necessary.
Chances are the target is Straight. Professional Sports will help you there. If it's Liberal, the Feminists will kick in their support without you even having to ask nicely. Savings and Loans gives you another +3 since the target is Government. Also, when the target defends itself, cancel its action using the Savings and Loans. No matter what, make sure the target stays Government! Most of your bonuses stem from that. Princess Di will give you one more power...and this will be multiplied if you throw your other groups in.
Don't use the Center for Weird Studies to reload your Illuminati off the bat; you may need it for something else. If there's a lot of alignment-switching going on, or you just need raw power, you can use the OMCLs twice in one turn. If a foe uses a group to alter alignments, convince them that they Aren't Having Any Fun.
Even the winds of change will obey the will of the machine. Law and Order will be the rule of the day, giving you +2 power, and Political Correctness will be more than a good idea, giving you +3. Note that your victim will undoubtedly benefit somewhat from this, but you have more groups to toss in who also get these bonuses than he does, in all likelihood. And once the paranoia drugs have been placed in the water supply by your silicon (but voluptuous) agents, the Fear and Loathing that results should give you even more power.
You should be ready to throw your other groups in as needed; most of the alignments will be right.
And if fate's cruel hand turns against you and the Law of Murphy becomes your bane, call forth your capricious Lady Eris to teach your foes Secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know, that they, too, shall be blessed by the Sacred Madness.
So what if your attack fails? This could be a big problem; your goals will be obvious and you will have few action tokens. I really didn't take failure into account when making the deck, since I would only be failing on an 11 or 12, most likely. Your best bet is to use the Girlie Magazines for a second assault - and pray that your victim is straight. If so, you'll have a minimum of +9 right there (+5 from the Magazines and +4 from Professional Sports). Chances are, no one has enough action tokens to interfere dramatically. And, at that point, what do you have to lose?
No cards are in this deck on accident. Some of the uses of some of the cards are discussed below; most others were already discussed above:
+10 Cards: Use for defense as necessary; you have lots, anyway. Remember to get at least one of each in your hand before the Final Turn. If you get duplicates of the same ones in your pulls, lean towards Benefit Concert, as you have lots of Liberals who might be able to use it.
Are We Having Fun Yet?: If someone's immune to many of your groups or (God help you) you face a fellow Discordian, use your Straights to power this card as an indirect use of power. For real fun, cancel the False Disciple of Eris' Sacred Immunity to Straights as an attack is made, shattering his illusions of saftey.
The Discordian Society: This deck originally used Bermuda (I wanted a really good Bermuda sandbag), but Discordia's powers were just too efficient to pass up. The ability to make targets both unable to affect you and more vulnerable to your attacks (via Nationalization and Straighten Up) is incredible - especially since degeneracy in the Plots give you little room for defensive cards. And no one thinks twice when Discordia Straightens someone Up.
"Wait a minute - this is an alien disguised as a human, not an android! We're dealing with *two* conspiracies here!"
Bouncing with this deck is Very Bad. The groups here are supposed to be obscure, as far as most INWO games go. If your lead bounces, lead with Professional Sports and use Illuminati actions to draw Groups until you get the Savings and Loans back into your hand. It's worth the risk of being attacked.
Attacking an opponent who gets the Congressional Wives (or somesuch) first is an option as well.
If your Resources bounce, forge them or ignore it... but you must have the OMCLs.
Princess Di is the most oft-seen Group in this deck; if she is put out by another and has a lot of puppets, consider making her part of your endgame strategy...
There are few Rares in the deck, and most people would let you proxy things like the Congressional Wives. If this is a problem, though, note that most of the cards are interchangeable. The key is to build up bonuses vs. specific alignments (Straight, Liberal, Government) and look for groups with them. To follow are cards that could fit into the deck:
I've played this deck once before under unusual circumstances - during a playtest for the SubGenius set. To make a long story short, one player was the Church of SubGenius, and the other three were factions of the Discordian Society. A Privileged Attack, an Are We Having Fun Yet?, and a lot of gifts from the Church allowed me to steal a Liberalized England (with the MI-5) from a Discordian. It was extremely twisted. In other words, Illuminati at its best.
First posted: January 27, 1998
Last modified: January 27, 1998
Ralph Melton ralph@cs.cmu.edu