From haven.umd.edu!darwin.sura.net!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!saturn.cis.ohio-state.edu!almaguer Wed Oct 7 23:42:51 EDT 1992 Article: 94689 of rec.humor Newsgroups: rec.humor Path: wam.umd.edu!haven.umd.edu!darwin.sura.net!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!saturn.cis.ohio-state.edu!almaguer From: almaguer@saturn.cis.ohio-state.edu (alejandro almaguer) Subject: Here are "THE RULES" Message-ID: <1992Oct7.201122.26214@cis.ohio-state.edu> Sender: news@cis.ohio-state.edu (NETnews ) Organization: The Ohio State University Dept. of Computer and Info. Science Date: Wed, 7 Oct 1992 20:11:22 GMT Lines: 137 Here is a REPOST of the THE RULES and THE REAL RULES This repost is in response to the many email requests that I have been getting for these. I believe that I got it from KNODEL's mailing list and here are the credits: Submitted by: "ron kulick" Subject: "the rules" Swiped from: rec.humor: ______ THE RULES 1. The female always makes the 8. The Female can change her rules. mind at any given point in time. 2. No male can possibly know all the rules. 9. The Male must never change his mind without written 3. The rules are subject to consent from the Female. change at any time without notification. 10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any 4. If the female suspects the time. male knows all the rules, she MUST immediately change some 11. The Male must remain calm at or all of the rules. all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or 5. The female is never wrong. upset. 6. If the female is wrong, it is 12. The Female must under no because of a flagrant circumstances let the Male misunderstanding which was a know whether or not she wants direct result of something the him to be angry or upset. male did or said. 13. Any attempt to document these 7. If rule 6 applies, the male rules could result in bodily must apologize immediately for harm. causing the misunderstanding. 14. If the Female has PMS, all rules are null and void. kml@cellar.org (Lazlo Hoover Toth) THE REAL RULES 1. THE MALE ALWAYS MAKES THE RULES. 2. Dammit, it is not cold in here. It's warm. Get a blanket. 3. If you don't like it, that's not my problem. 4. THE MAN IS NEVER WRONG. 5. You got a problem with that? I don't care. 6. If it appears that the man is wrong, it is always a direct result of something the woman said or did wrong. 7. If Rule #6 applies, the female must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding and go get the man a beer and sit down, I can't see the game. 8. THE MAN IS NEVER LATE. 9. If he is late, it's because a certain person with very cold feet kept him up all night by stealing the covers. 10. The female must limit her goodbyes to 30 minutes each, or 15 minutes each at a very large family gathering with people she sees every week. 11. THE MAN BALANCES THE CHECKBOOK. 12. The female must under no circumstances be allowed near all those numbers so as to eliminate confusion. 13. WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DRIVE LIKE THAT? AND I HAPPEN TO LIKE TO USE THE REMOTE ALL THE TIME. THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR. The following is an altered version sent to me by : steinl@idt.unit.no THE RULES 1. The Female always makes The Rules. 2. The Rules are subject to change at any time WITHOUT PRIOR NOTIFICATION. 3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. 4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change SOME or ALL of The Rules. 5. To INSURE the Male remains on his toes, the Female will change the rules on a Random Abandon basis. 6. The Female is NEVER wrong. 7. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a Flagrant Misunderstanding which was a Direct Result of something the Male DID or SAID wrong. 8. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing the misunderstanding. 9. The Female can change her mind at ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME. 10. The Male must NEVER change his mind without EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT from the Female. 11. The Female has EVERY RIGHT to be angry or upset AT ANY TIME. 12. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female WANTS him to be angry or upset. 13. The Female must under NO circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 14. The Male is expected to mind read AT ALL TIMES. 15. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is an Inflexible and Uncooperative WIMP. 16. ANY attempt (by the Male) to document THE RULES could result in BODILY HARM. 17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are NULL AND VOID. Hope you all enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alex almaguer@cis.ohio-state.edu