After the nonstop excitement following the party's arrival, they finally got a chance to see what Lorcan had been up to the last few days. Some time ago, he'd invented a game called wom (i.e., cricket), and he'd started teaching it to anyone willing to learn, particularly the gnomes working around Rogtubbins' keep.
- Gnome:
- "I've had trouble finding apprentices because of your `game'!"
- Lorcan:
- "Perhaps you should make their jobs more exciting."
- Nomistrus:
- "Oh please no! More excitement, this keep doesn't need!"
- Gnome: [gnomish]
- "I think an explosive ball should do the trick..."
Nomistrus had asked Lorcan to write down the rules for the library, but so far Lorcan hadn't done it. Lorcan thought there was great potential for settling international disputes with the game, assured Beeel that it was good exercise, and told Silvana that the game involved skill as well as luck.
That evening, a thin, well-dressed human in merchant clothes (probably from Auramkil) arrived at the Library; he claimed to be a neutral emmisary and asked to speak with "Ganeth Nirduk and his cohorts." So G, Silvana, Thorongil, and Lorcan went out to say hello, while everyone else kept an eye on the vault.
- Ford:
- "Greeting, Ganeth Nirduk (and cohorts). Call me `Ford'."
- Ganeth:
- "Like a bridge, only smaller?"
- Ford:
- "`Smaller' depends on the axis of measurement."
- Silvana:
- "It's not size that matters?"
- Ganeth:
- "How long before we meet `Tunnel' and `Ferry'?"
- Ford: [to others]
- "Greetings. Who are you?"
- Lorcan:
- "I'm a cohort, obviously."
- [Ford glares at Lorcan.]
- Lorcan:
- "Or were you looking for something more informative?"
- Ford:
- "I come seeking information, yes. In particular, I'm looking for some missing people."
- Silvana:
- "Funny, so are we. Who are you looking for?"
- Ford:
- "In that case, we may be able to help each other. Who are you looking for?"
- Silvana:
- "I believe I asked first."
- Ford:
- "No, I insist -- please go on."
- Silvana:
- "But you came all this way. I only stepped outside."
- Ganeth:
- "I think Silvana asked first too. I'm quite positive, actually."
- [Ford glares at Ganeth.]
- Silvana:
- "Also, who are you representing?"
- Ford:
- "I don't know the precise identities of my sponsors. Suffice it to say that I'm just doing my job. I am looking for the following people: 1) a Priestess of Helibane; 2) her pet rat; 3) the body of her dead friend. Have you, by any chance, come across anyone matching this description?"
- Silvana:
- "What a strange group of people. What's the priestess' name?"
- Ford:
- "I asked first. Please let us proceed in order."
- Silvana:
- "Well, unless we know the name, how would we know which priestess of Helibane you mean?"
- Ford:
- "I was not given the name. Fortunately, I have a sketch of her right here."
- [Ford pulls out a slate bearing a very good likeness of the Helibane from the vault.]
- Ford:
- "This person. Seen her recently?"
- Lorcan:
- "I have never seen this priestess of whom you speak."
- Silvana:
- "Actually, I think we're back to my question. We're looking for three people as well. A high elven clan leader, an impulsive nightblade, and a swashbuckling Western lord. Seen any of them lately?"
- Ford:
- "No, sorry, but I could ask around. I have extensive contacts who are experts at finding missing people."
- Silvana:
- "I guess we can ask around too. I have to say that your information sources are impressive...or you're very lucky."
- Ford: [to Lorcan]
- "Are you from Auramkil, perhaps?"
- Lorcan:
- "I am Lorcan Saxe-Marek, Cardinal-Archbishop of Nuket in Sheepy Magna."
- Ford:
- "Of Nuket? And where is `Sheepy Magna'?"
- Lorcan:
- "Sheepy Magna is the location of the Great Cathedral of Nuket. It is a rural retreat near Auramkil."
- Ford:
- "Oh... What is your involvement in all of this? Are you acting on Nuket's behalf here?"
- Lorcan:
- "I am always acting on Nuket's behalf. Nuket takes a great interest in the affairs of the world. Especially people looking for things."
- Ford: [to Ganeth]
- "Is he a member of your clan?"
- Silvana:
- "The Cardinal is our resident wom consultant."
- Ford: [looking pale]
- "I see. I was not informed that you had decided to take such extreme measures."
- Ganeth:
- "I wasn't aware I'd gotten a reputation for timidity."
- Ford:
- "This is not about timidity; it's about insanity."
- Lorcan:
- "Are you suggesting that my friend is insane?"
- Ford:
- "Oh no, nothing of the sort... Wom...? What's wom?"
- Lorcan:
- "Wom is the future of civilisation."
- Ganeth:
- "It's fun too."
- Silvana:
- "We were just working on wom this afternoon."
- Lorcan: [to G]
- "I don't think we can discuss wom with just anyone, do you?"
- Ganeth:
- "Oh, I agree. Some folks probably couldn't handle knowing too much about wom."
- Ford:
- "Hmm. I begin to see the pattern through the chaos. So, you were engaged in `wom' earlier. As a result of this wommage, some friends of mine have been greatly inconvenienced."
- Silvana:
- "Is `wommage' a word?"
- Ford:
- "I suggest that you cease this womming immediately so that we can negotiate more fruitfully."
- Lorcan:
- "In what way inconvenienced?"
- Ford:
- "Kidnapping is a serious offense."
- Lorcan:
- "Yes, but what has that to do with us?"
- Silvana:
- "We haven't kidnapped anyone."
- Ford:
- "Oh fine. You've `wommed' them away, haven't you. Well, you had better `wom' them back. I'm not going to `wom' around with you much longer. Negotiation is serious business."
- Ganeth:
- "Is this going to be my threat for the evening? Try to make it imaginative for a change."
- Lorcan:
- "We can't have wommed anyone. Wom is a noun, not a verb."
- Ford:
- "`Wom' is is a made-up word. Who are you to tell me that I can't use it as a verb? I wom. You wom. He woms.... etc. Whatever the hell `womming' is."
- Lorcan:
- "I made it up, so I get to decide. And I have Nuket's approval on this."
- Ford:
- "Well, I am vested with authority from Extraplanars also. I'm given a Carte Blanche for my operation, and I can conjugate made-up verbs if I like. Go tell Nuket to go to hell and settle it."
- Lorcan:
- "Would you like me to call upon Nuket to guide you in this matter?"
- Ford: [quickly]
- "Oh no, we don't need Nuket's personal attention..."
- Silvana:
- "You do realize that you're the one who sounds insane, to ride here and accuse us of womming away people, when you don't even know what womming is, or who these people are. Which Extraplanar authority have you been vested with?"
- Ford:
- "I represent the Consortium."
- Silvana:
- "And who are they?
- Ford:
- "The Consortium is the group behind everything. They are the ones in charge. Anyone who is anyone knows that."
- Ganeth:
- "Then they must be behind this kidnapping you're so worried about too, right?"
- Ford:
- "Oh no. This is futile. You people are obviously just wasting my time!"
- Ganeth:
- "Funny, I thought you were wasting ours."
- Lorcan:
- "You came to see us."
- Ford:
- "I didn't come to see you. I'm just trying to do my job here. It's important for my career. Why don't you see the seriousness of this situation?"
- Silvana:
- "Looking for rats is important for your career?"
- Ford:
- "No, I don't care about rats. I care about the Mission."
- Lorcan:
- "Who's been kidnapped, anyway?"
- Ford:
- "The Helibane priestess has been kidnapped."
- Lorcan:
- "Who by?"
- Ford: [pointing to G]
- "By him."
- Ganeth:
- "Have you checked Banzeel and Marakeel? Rich folks there are always grabbing Helibanes."
- Thorongil:
- "Hard to capture a Helibane priestess anyways, since they will go places willing."
- Silvana:
- "Why would we have to capture a Helibane priestess? Our cardinal has Major Healing powers as well."
- Ford:
- "She is not in Marakeel or Banzeel."
- Ganeth:
- "Guess that big hole in the dome makes it easier to check, eh?"
- Ford:
- "The Hole serves the Consortium's interests."
- Ganeth:
- "Lots of 'holes do."
- Ford:
- "After all, who do you think got the Westerners to go there in the first place?"
- Silvana:
- "If you redefine the problem often enough, anything can suit your purposes."
- Ford:
- "It's clear that we are not making any progress here. I'll leave now. Oh...by the way, on my journey, I heard some rumors."
- Silvana:
- "Heard or spread?"
- [Ford glares at Silvana.]
- Ford:
- "Apparently, the bandits are massing on the Western border. Looks like trouble's brewing. As the Consortium says, `If we all work together, progress can be made; disunity brings destruction.'"
- Ganeth:
- "That's a fairly feeble attempt at alliteration."
- Ford:
- "I could use my influence with the Consortium to have someone deal with the bandit threats. As for your `wom' rituals...I'll be including that in my report to the Consortium. You people are making a big mistake alienating my friends."
- Lorcan:
- "The Blessing of Nuket be upon you for your journey."
- Dan:
- "I don't think this will help his career."
- Erich:
- "Depends...do they go by results or the amount of abuse the party heaps on him?"
Nomistrus reported that something had bounced off the temple's astral shields during the conversation with the twit, but since it didn't get through, the folks guarding the vault had a boring time. His initial investigations also revealed that the temple was open to attack at reduced energy costs while the held the amnizu's energy, so jettisoning the energy a.s.a.p. would be a good idea. The party's first idea was to ask the ki-rin to come in through the shields (which are transparent to LG) and scoop the energy away, but nobody had a way of contacting them (G had stocked up on teleports and Silvana's sending item hadn't recharged yet), so they settled on hauling the vault outside the temple so the amnizu's remains could make the jump back to hell.
The gnome corps was recruited to rig a way of moving the many tens of thousands of pounds of vault back outside.
- Nomistrus:
- "Does anyone in the party have Engineering proficiency? It might be worth having someone supervise the gnomes. Often they attempt to use enthusiasm and technology when knowledge and experience are missing."
- Lorcan: [who has the proficiency]
- "But technology is good."
- Nomistrus:
- "Only when applied wisely."
- Lorcan:
- "However, I tend to agree about the supervision."
- Nomistrus:
- "Please make sure that holy statues aren't being used as counterweights, that block & tackles aren't being driven into our murals, etc."
- Lorcan:
- "Of course."
Silvana and Nomistrus did a quick scan of G to make sure nothing new and exciting had been done to him while he was outside the shields talking to Ford. The Red One was clean, but some sort of invisible leech had attached itself to Elissa. While they were figuring out what to do about this, a loud crash from downstairs got their attention.
Lorcan and the gnomes had indeed managed to get the vault on a set of rollers -- by spiking through a mural to set up a block and tackle system and then using the holy statues as counterweights. In the process, the vault had fallen on Lorcan and a gnome; Lorcan was stabilized by the armband, but the gnome was down to -15.
- Nomistrus:
- "Let's heal these engineers. Death would be too pleasant a fate for them..."
- [Silvana and Nomistrus burn some death's door ointment and healing spells on the casualties.]
- Nomistrus:
- "What were you guys thinking? I thought I told you guys not to use the holy statues!"
- Lorcan:
- "Sorry, you meant those holy statues?"
- Nomistrus:
- "O Hollerith, what have I done to deserve such friends?"
- Lorcan:
- "It was a matter of necessity. We simply couldn't move it any other way."
- Nomistrus:
- "You two will be doing some penance at the Temple of Hollerith to atone for this little fiasco..."
- Lorcan:
- "Look, we can fill in the little hole, put the statues back, and no-one will ever know."
- Nomistrus:
- "`No-one will ever know'? This is the inner sanctum of Hollerith. I'm the High Priest. I know! And we must assume that Hollerith, God of Knowledge, certainly knows. Who exactly are we planning to keep this a secret from?"
- Frankel: [shouting]
- "I can't believe I'm in the same party as this...this..."
- Nomistrus:
- "Any suggestions on how a Priest of Nuket could atone for something without causing further damage?"
- [Frankel starts walking off in a huff.]
- Silvana:
- "No, Frankel, don't go off. Remember, we have a devil to get rid of?"
- Frankel:
- "Oh, good. Will it involve doing high-caliber damage to Lorcan?"
- Good: [popping out of Frankel's armband]
- "Good"
- Lorcan:
- "We could get rid of the devil for you. Or I could make you a proper Wom pitch. Or I could paint you a new mural. You like arts, don't you? I could compose a bagpipe symphony in honour of Hollerith."
- Nomistrus:
- "Oh, please no! Maybe exile is really the best remedy. That way, I won't be tempted to break my vow of pacifism..."
- Pepper: [to Frankel]
- "Relax -- looks like everything's fine. No one died, none of the statues broke. We're doing great if you ask me."
- Nomistrus:
- "Look you little Chaotic, no one asked you."
- Ganeth:
- "Okay, everyone take about ten deep breaths."
- Silvana:
- "Can we expel the baatezu now?"
The first step was actually dealing with the leech. This wasn't completely trivial, since it had a sanctuary, stoneskins, and enough TK to start hitting Stealth with Elissa without breaking the sanctuary. (Stealth turned out to be special enough to be spellfired on a 19, but Beeel was able to parry the shot.) Fortunately, it only had 8 hp (plus 3 per round regen), so they eventually downed it and dumped it and Elissa in a big bath of holy water.
Nomistrus guarded all the treasure that had been removed from the vault while the party wheeled it outside. Three black abishai attacked Ganeth and Silvana but were basically ineffective. Lorcan discovered another effect of the monocle: a lavender beam that polymorphed an abishai into a stirge, stunning it and doing a d6 in the process (plus 2d6 falling damage, since it was stunned in mid-flight, which was enough to kill it).
During the combat, the amnizu (and whatever was inside the Amso shrine) started their journey home. The party wheeled the vault back inside, and the temple received no further attacks.