In case you have to work late again and need a smile or two......
---------------------- Forwarded by Mark Taylor/HOU/ECT on 05/09/2000 04:49 
PM ---------------------------


"Taylor, Timothy G Mr USACHPPM" <Timothy.Taylor@APG.AMEDD.ARMY.MIL> on 
05/09/2000 08:13:09 AM
To: "'Biddle, Joe'" <joe_biddle@abrealty.com>, "'Burke, George'" 
<gburk@aol.com>, "'Cochrane, Scott'" <wsc99@juno.com>, "'Dawson, Tom'" 
<sniggy@mindspring.com>, "'Donnelly, Colleen'" <donnelly@usgs.gov>, "'Ludwig, 
Dad'" <ludwiggh@visuallink.com>, "'Payton, David'" <depayton@aol.com>, 
"'Sharon at work'" <sludwig@comdt.uscg.mil>, Mark Taylor/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:  
Subject: FW: 1999 Darwin Awards





>  -----Original Message-----
> From:  Pitrat, Charles A (Tony) Mr USACHPPM
> Sent: Friday, April 21, 2000 12:27 PM
> To: CHPPM-EHRARCP (TS-EHR); CHPPM-DESP (TS-EES)
> Subject: FW: 1999 Darwin Awards
>
>                 In order to keep this on a professional level please make
> sure you note the runners up.
>
> Tony
>
> Yep it's that time of year again!!!!!
>
>
> >Subject:  Darwin Awards
>
>
> >One of the long awaited moments of each new year is the announcement of
> >the Annual Darwin Award: The prestigious recognition of those people
> >who, by their own incredible, conscious actions remove their apparently
> >faulty DNA/chromosomes from the gene pool-making a safer place for all
> >of mankind to someday swim.  This is a global phenomenon and the 1999
> >nominations reflect the universal appeal and acclaim that this most
> >prestigious award has grown to enjoy.  So, without further ado, here are
> >the runners-up for this year's award.
>
>
> >(15 July 1999, Alabama)  A 25-year-old man died of injuries sustained
> >from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than
> >his buddy.  His plan was to hurl himself toward a metal guardrail while
> >expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva.  In a tragic
> >miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the railing, which
> >he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him
> >plummeting 24 feet to the cement below.  The Military specialist had a
> >blood alcohol content of 0.14%, impairing his judgment and paving the
> >way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
>
>
> >(11 August 1999 Germany)  A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the
> >eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany.  A witness driving
> >behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he
> >concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated
> >and hit the bridge pier.  He had apparently just donned his solar
> >viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the
> >sun.
>
>
>
> >(25 May 1999, Ukraine)  A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while
> >fishing in the river Tereblya.  The 43-year-old man connected cables to
> >the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river.
> >The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of
> >the water.  The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove
> >the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish. In an
> >ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to  commemorate
> >the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.
>
>
> >(16 August 1999, Germany)  A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his
> own
> >dog on Monday.  The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in
> >the Black Forest.  A gun barrel was pointing out the window, and his
> >bereaved dog was howling inside the car.  The animal is presumed to have
> >pressed the trigger with its paw.  Police have ruled out foul play.
> >(1999, Nicosia, Cypress)  Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter
> >was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun
> >as he pinned the reptile to the ground.  Another hunter reported that
> >the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the
> >butt of his shotgun behind its head.  The snake coiled around the butt
> >and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
>
>
>
> >(August 1999, Australia)  Drinking oneself to death need not be a long
> >lingering process.  Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his
> >competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits.   A Sydney,
> >Australia hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday,
> >with a 100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from 1
> >point for beer to 8 points for hard liquor. Allan stood and cheered his
> >winning total of 236 (winners never quit!), which had also netted him
> >the literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0.353, 7 times greater
> >than Australia's legal driving limit of 0.05%. After several trips to
> >the usual temple of overindulgence, the bathroom, Allan was helped back
> >to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A
> >forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4
> >bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within 1 hour and 40 minutes, his
> >blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but Allan had vomited
> >several times after the drinking stopped.  The cost paid by Allan was
> >much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the equivalent of
> >$13,100 US dollars for not intervening.  It is not known whether Allan
> >required any further embalming.
>
>
>
> >(28 January 1999, London)  A flock of sheep charged a well-meaning
> >British farmer's wife and pushed her over a cliff to her death.  Betty
> >Stobbs, 67, was charged by dozens of sheep as she brought them a bale of
> >hay
> >on the back of a power bike.  The sheep rushed forward and rammed the
> >vehicle, knocking Betty and her bike over the edge of a vacant 100'
> quarry
> >near Durham, in northeastern England.  "I saw the sheep surround the
> bike.
> >The next thing she was tumbling down the incline," neighbor Alan Renfry
> >told
> >reporters.
>
>
> First Runner UP!!!
> >First Runner up Award goes to...
> >(22 March 1999, Phnom Penh)  Decades of armed strife have littered
> >Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance.  Authorities warn
> >citizens not to tamper with the devices.  Three friends recently spent
> >an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the
> >southeastern province of Svay Rieng.  Their companionable arguing
> >continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded
> >anti-tank mine found in his backyard.  He tossed it under the table, and
> >the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink
> and
> >then stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror.
> >Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing
> >the three men in the bar.  "Their wives could not even find their flesh
> >because the blast destroyed everything," the Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper
> >reported.
> eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
>
>
>
> And the 1999 Darwin Award winner is.....
> doh
> >(5 September 1999, Jerusalem)  The switch away from daylight savings
> >time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year.  At
> >precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded
> >in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the
> >bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated
> >prematurely by klutzy amateurs.  A closer look revealed the truth behind
> >the untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had made a premature
> >switch from Daylight Savings time to standard time in order to
> >accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers.
> >Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time."  Two weeks of scheduling
> >havoc ensued.  The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled
> >area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already
> >switched to standard  time.  As a result, the cars were still en-route
> >when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their
> >well-deserved demise.
> >
> >Not Quite Darwin Winners....but they're trying their best
> >National Idiots
> >Ann Arbor Idiot
> >The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
> >King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
> >The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
> >register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the
> >clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated,
> >walked away.
> >
> >Kentucky Idiots
> >Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
> >from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.  Instead of
> >pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
> >off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.  With the
> >chain still attached to the machine.  With their bumper still attached
> >to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the
> >bumper.
> >
> >Louisiana Idiot
> >A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
> >for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
> >and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
> >provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
> >bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
> >Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is
> >a crime committed?]
> >
> >Arkansas Idiot
> >Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just
> >throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
> >run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> >window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
> >head, knocking him unconscious.  Seems the liquor store window was made
> of
> >Plexiglas.  The whole event was caught on videotape.
> >New York Idiot
> >As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
> >and ran.  The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to
> >give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the
> >police had apprehended the snatcher.  They put him in the car and drove
> >back to the store.  The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
> >stand there for a positive ID.  To which he replied "Yes,
> >officer...that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
> >
> >Seattle Idiot
> >When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
> >Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.  Police arrived
> >at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near
> >spilled sewage.  A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
> >to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank
> >by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
> >that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
> >
> >
> >
>