Very clever and topical, particularly the French/Quebec bit. .




Jon Chapman
11/16/2000 02:16 AM
To: Peter Keohane/CAL/ECT@ECT, Tana Jones/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:  
Subject: Positively the last word .....

Peter ,

You'll enjoy this more than Tana !!!

Jon
---------------------- Forwarded by Jon Chapman/LON/ECT on 16/11/2000 09:16 
---------------------------


Annette Patrick
16/11/2000 08:37
To: Jon Chapman/LON/ECT@ECT, Michael Slade/LON/ECT@ECT, Tracy Foy/LON/ECT@ECT
cc:  

Subject: FW: Notice of Revocation of Independence


---------------------- Forwarded by Annette Patrick/LON/ECT on 16/11/2000 
08:41 ---------------------------


Sarah Gregory
15/11/2000 19:24
To: svickers@linklaters.com, Annette Patrick/LON/ECT@ECT, Christopher 
Wood/Legal/LON/ECT@ECT
cc:  

Subject: FW: Notice of Revocation of Independence


NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to 
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your 
independence,effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over 
all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which she does 
not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside 
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for 
further elections.Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire 
will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules 
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then 
look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed at 
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise 
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".  Using the same 
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you 
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Look up
"interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know on 
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.  It 
really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good 
guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",but 
only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get confused 
and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind of 
football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. 
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may 
have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will no longer 
be allowed to play it, and should
instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with 
the girls.  It is a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, 
be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does 
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar 
body armour like nancies).We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby 
sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they 
give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a 
world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The Russians have 
never been the bad guys."Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new 
national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for your own 
good.  When we show you German cars,  you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.