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"James Love" <James.Love@msl.redstone.army.mil> on 04/17/2001 06:09:55 AM
To: <Phillip.M.Love@enron.com>
cc:  
Subject: Fwd: FW: Flying High


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From: "Dowling, Edmund" <EDowling@quantum-intl.com>
To: "James Love (E-mail)" <James.Love@msl.redstone.army.mil>,  "Jim Burton 
(E-mail)" <james.burton@nvl.army.mil>,  "Nick Nickerson (E-mail)" 
<foster.nickerson@nvl.army.mil>
Subject: FW: Flying High
Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 14:45:08 -0500
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Edmund A. Dowling
Quantum Research International
Phone:  (256) 971-1800 ext 246
Cell:  (256) 653-2599

-----Original Message-----
From: Deeter, Louis
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2001 1:07 PM
To: bec126@aol.com; <mailto:bec126@aol.com;>  lindee2@aol.com;
<mailto:lindee2@aol.com;>  hdeeter1@aol.com; <mailto:hdeeter1@aol.com;>
Liza.Puterman@pentagon.af.mil; <mailto:Liza.Puterman@pentagon.af.mil;>
wdeaton@earthlink.net; <mailto:wdeaton@earthlink.net;>  Vaughn, Mark;
Dowling, Edmund; Sinclair, Bob; Suter, Denise; Taylor, Candace L Ms; Jones,
Frederick; Deaton, Phillip
Subject: Flying High


> All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
>safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
>Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, pilot
>said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
>turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
> enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your
>belongings. If you are going to leave anything please make sure it's
>something we'd like to have."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
>of this airplane."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
>us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
>lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care
when
>opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
>as hell everything has shifted."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> >From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
XXX
>to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
>and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't
>know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
>unsupervised."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
>the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
>you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
> assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
>child...pick your favorite.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
>we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
>nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an
>emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
>compliments."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead
>area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting
>children... or other adults acting like children."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
>Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
>attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased
>to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately,
>none of them are on this flight!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
>City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a
>bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
> the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
>attendant's fault ... it was the asphalt!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
>particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was
>really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
>Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
>in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
>left of our airplane to the gate!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask
>you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
>terminal."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
>ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
>the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
> and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of
>his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
>thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
> gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
>"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot,
>"what is it?" The little old lady asked, "Did we land or were we shot
>down?"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on
>with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.Crash
>and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against
> the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
>silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
>wreckage to the terminal."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
>you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
>urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
>you'll think of US Airways."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
>comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
>intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to
>Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead
>is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
>sit back and relax -- OH MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few
minutes,
>the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I
am
>so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight
>attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap.
>You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's
>nothing, he should see the back of mine!"
>