Cynthia,  Sorry about the way I left last night, but I needed to leave 
abruptly or I felt I would have lost it even more.  You are right.  This is a 
very difficult time in my life.  However, I want you to know that you are a 
very special person to me.  The more I get to know you the more I realize 
that we are very similar is so many ways and I think that is why we hit it 
off so well so very quickly.  

I wish I could throw everything I have into a relationship with you, but 
right now there is just too much anger, mistrust, and hurt in my emotions to 
allow that.  All of these feelings result purely from a person I was so close 
with and trusted so dearly and who treated me worse than I could have 
imagined.  These feelings have nothing to do with you and I am sure you 
likely don't understand it all fully.  I am not sure I understand it fully.

I fear I am making a big mistake, because I know you won't be available 
long.  You have so much to offer, beautiful, intelligent, funny, and someone 
who can give as much to a relationship as you need from a relationship.  All 
of these qualities made it so very easy to be taken with you when we 
orginally met.  When I started sensing some of my destructive emotions, I 
freaked out  because I knew we were becoming very close and it pained me to 
realize that I would hurt you.  So I completely pulled back, thinking I 
should cut it now than risk making it harder in the future.  Believe me, it 
is not easy to stay away from you, because even though we have only known 
each other a short time, I miss you and think about you a lot.  It would be 
hard to still see you and know you were dating others because I know I would 
react strongly as you witnessed at Senor Frogs that night.  My kidding you 
about Lee, I will have to admit, also shows my insecurity about that.

Mexico was so wonderful, because (except for that one night) I was able to 
put all of those emotions out of my mind and just focus on you.  I think that 
is why we had such a great time.  Cynthia, when we were together on that 
trip, I felt a lightness that I haven't felt in a long time.  You looked so 
beautiful and sexy in that swimsuit by the bar, and it was all about us and 
nothing else.  I have been through it enough to know that reality of my 
situation creeps back eventually.     

Cynthia you are such a great person and even just typing this note I feel 
like crying.  Sometimes fate is a wonderful thing and sometimes it feels like 
a cruel joke.  I think the timing of our meeting was ill fated.  I know we 
will talk to and see each other again but I know it will be different now.  
As much as I want to hold on to you, I know its stupid to attempt to keep you 
close and yet at some distance.  You have are too smart and have too much to 
offer to put up with that.

Please know that I do have genuine feelings for you and I miss you.
Gerald