Subject: noah


> IF NOAH LIVED IN THE UNITED STATES, TODAY . . .
> And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I
> am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth
> with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want
> you to save the righteous people and two of every kind
> of living
> thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to
> build an Ark." In a flash of lightening, God delivered
> the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling,
> Noah took the plans and agreed to build the
> Ark."Remember " said the Lord, "You must complete the
> Ark and bring everything aboard in one year.
>
> Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered
> the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a
> tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his
> front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted. "Where is the
> Ark?" "Lord,
> please forgive me!", cried Noah. "I did my best, but
> there were big problems.
>
> 1. I had to get a permit for construction
>
> 2. Your plans did not comply with the codes.
>
> 3. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
> plans.
>
> 4. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or
> not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
> flotation devices.
>
> 5. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating
> zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
> yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
> planning commission.
>
> 6. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
> because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
> the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest
> Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
>
> 7. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
> catch any owls. So, no owls.
>
> 8. The carpenters formed a union and went out on
> strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the
> National Labor Relations Board before anyone would
> pick up a saw or a hammer. Now I have 16 carpenters on
> the Ark, but still
> no owls.
>
> 9. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got
> sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me
> only taking two of each kind aboard.
>
> 10. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA
> notified me that I
> could
> not complete the Ark without filing an environmental
> impact statement
> on
> your
> proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the
> idea that they
> had no
> jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
> universe.
>
> 11. Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the
> proposed new flood
> plan. I
> sent them a globe.
>
> 12. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
> filed with the Equal
> Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
> discrimination
> by
> not taking Godless, unbelieving people aboard!
>
> 13.The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
> building the Ark in
> preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
> I just got a
> notice
> from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax
> as I failed to
> register
> the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
>
> 14. Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
> injunction against
> further
> construction of the Ark, saying that since God is
> flooding the earth,
> it is
> a
> religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I
> really don't think
> I can
> finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
> The sky began
> to
> clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
> calm. A rainbow
> arched
> across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
> you are not going
> to
> destroy the earth Lord?"  "No," said the Lord sadly.
> "I don't have
> to. The
> government already has."
>
>
> PS : I'm surprised we haven't blamed 'The Flood' on
> Global Warming...
>
>
>
>
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