This  story is too funny!!!!!
 
-----Original Message-----
From: RkyMtCCRN@aol.com  [mailto:RkyMtCCRN@aol.com]
Sent: Friday, December 21, 2001 9:56  PM
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Subject: Merry Christmas Fellow WJ  Shipmates
Less then 2 weeks to  our Adventure in the Caribbean begins.  I am looking forward to meeting  everyone, relaxing and having a good time.
Hope everyone has a Very Merry  Christmas and a Happy New Year
Looking forward to our pre-cruise get  together Sat Night the 5th.
I was told the Holland House Beach Bar. If anyone  knows different or a time let me know.
Hope everyone enjoys the little  Christmas Article below.
See everyone soon
Shelly B. :-)
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Subject: Fw: Perfect Christmas 
This  article was submitted to a newspaper contest to find out who had the
wildest  Christmas dinner. This won first prize. 
Christmas with Louise  
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his  fireplace
before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.  What
they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because  every
Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed,  his
poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. 
One year I decided to make his  dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
went in search of an inflatable love  doll. They don't sell those things at
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult  bookstore downtown. If you've never been
in an X-rated store, don't go.  You'll only confuse yourself. I was there
an hour saying things like, "What  does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who
would buy that?" Finally, I made it  to the inflatable doll section. I
wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated  doll that could also substitute as
a passenger in my truck so I could use the  car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult.  Love dolls come in many different 
models. The top of the line, according to  the side of the box, could do 
things I'd only seen in a book on animal  husbandry. I settled for "Lovable
Louise". She was at the bottom of the price  scale. To call Louise a "doll"
took a huge leap of imagination. 
On  Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life. My  sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours,  long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling
pantyhose with  Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies
and drank what  remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. 
I went home, and giggled  for a couple of hours. 
The next morning my brother called to say that  Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy  but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come  back and bark some
more. 
We all agreed that Louise should remain in  her panty hose so the rest of
the family could admire her when they came over  for the traditional
Christmas dinner. 
My grandmother noticed Louise  the moment she walked in the door. "What the
hell is that?" she asked.  
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." 
"Who would play  with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several
candidates in mind,  but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?"
Granny continued.  
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, trying to steer her  
into the dining room. 
But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she  have any teeth?" Again, I
could have answered, but why would I? It was  Christmas and no one wanted
to ride in the back of the ambulance saying,  "Hang on Granny, Hang on!" 
My grandfather, a delightful old man with  poor eyesight, sidled up to me
and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by the  fireplace?" I told him she was
Jay's friend. 
A few minutes later I  noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but  actually flirting. It was then that we realized this
might be Grandpa's last  Christmas at home. 
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk  about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly  Louise made a noise
that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the  morning. Then she
lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice,  and fell in a
heap in front of the sofa. 
The cat screamed. I passed  cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa
ran across the room, fell to his  knees, and began administering mouth to
mouth resuscitation. My brother fell  back over his chair and wet his pants
and Granny threw down her napkin,  stomped out of the room, and sat in the
car. 
It was indeed a  Christmas to treasure and remember. 
Later in my brother's garage, we  conducted a thorough examination to
decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We  discovered that Louise had
suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right  thigh. Fortunately,
thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her  to perfect
health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.  
I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.