It has come to the attention of the Dedicated Information Technology Programmers Addicted to Caffeine that we are somehow getting the short end of the stick in these negotiations.  We are generally used to this, but this is the last straw!  Being an often overlooked faction in these wars, we are however, very powerful.  Unless you provide us with the affricated drinks we require to survive, we will sabotage these negotiations.  We start by asking the following questions:  What are your requirements for paper?  Have you documented these requirements.  What is the cost justification for ordering this paper?  What printers are you using?  Does IT have to support these printers?  That will cost extra money.  What were the different requirements surrounding your use of the toaster?  Do you toast bread and waffles?  What other uses do you have for the toaster?  Anything not specifically included in your written requirements will be rejected as a scope enhancement and will cost more money or cause a delay in the return of your toaster.

To avoid further delays in the negotiations, please deliver bribes in 6-packs of 24-ounce bottles of the following:  Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, RC Cola, Jolt.  These payments should be left in the kitchen refrigerator so that they will be cold when we drink them in the morning.

Remember, paper without a working printer is the wrong print queue.  A toaster without power is a metal storage box.  We have the power and will use it.  

DITPAC Command

 -----Original Message-----
From: 	Kuehl, Toby  
Sent:	Wednesday, January 09, 2002 1:43 PM
To:	Green, Alma; Matheson, Maggie; Carter, Zuela; Clapper, Karen; Bastida, Nancy; Eldridge, Dale; Laferla, Lynda ; Collins, Marion; Howard, Jack; Hanagriff, Richard; Draemer, Mary ; Trevino, Linda; Studebaker, James ; Rivers, Cynthia; Mulligan, Amy; Kowalke, Terry; Schoolcraft, Darrell; Salinas, Marian; Kovalcik, Tammy; Lokey, Teb; Buehler, Craig; Betancourt, Ramona 
Subject:	RE: Paper Situation

We are willing to sit at the table and negotiate.  SADIST has pushed us to the brink!  We have infiltrated the SADIST camp and know are in possession of a toaster, AND blender.  We have joined sides with EPLF to demand that our paper supply stays in high demand.  If our demands are not met by the end of today, we will be forced to sign over all our Enron stock options to your organization.  This will cause your organization to implode!! 


CCA (Crumb Crunchers of America)



 -----Original Message-----
From: 	Lokey, Teb  
Sent:	Wednesday, January 09, 2002 11:21 AM
To:	Buehler, Craig
Cc:	Green, Alma; Studebaker, James ; Carpenter, Nancy; Giambrone, Laura; Veatch, Stephen; Kilmer III, Robert; Lichtenwalter, Blair; Thompson, Debra; Doll, Jeanette; Paschal, Zelda; Culwell, Christi; Allen, Kelly; Dietz, Rick
Subject:	Toaster

We will never negotiate with toaster terrorists!  We will eat raw bread forever rather than turn over a single sheet of paper - or even a single chad - to those who would resort to such extortion.  If we give in now, we will only encourage such acts in the future.  First our microwaves, then our filtered water dispenser, then our refrigerators will become targets of these evil doers.  Rather, we will hunt down those responsible for this dastardly act, and bring them to justice or justice to them.  We will also go after any department supporting the evil doers as well as anyone who partakes of bread (or Eggos or pop tarts) toasted in the purloined appliance!  

EPLF -- you're TOAST!!!!!



-----Original Message-----
From: EPLF
Subject: FW: Paper Situation

We have your toaster!!!  You'll get it back when our demands are met.
Leave 4 boxes of 8 1/2 x 11 paper (no damn 3 hole punch paper either)
under the TV on the west end of the 39th floor and you'll be toasting
away within a few hours.  This isn't from Craig; we've hacked into his
email...

Enron People's Liberation Front (EPLF)...



-----Original Message-----
From: Green, Alma 


Getting paper for the floor is out of my hands.  I have had three calls this morning plus a note left on my desk to order paper.
Donna Scott is working with the mail room. 

Our toaster that Rick Dietz bought when we moved down here is missing this A.M.  Has been reported to Facilities who will report to Security.  If anyone knows anything, would you please let me know!

	Tnx, Alma G.