---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 04/03/2000 
10:49 AM ---------------------------


Jlpnymex@aol.com on 04/03/2000 09:28:04 AM
To: Doris.A.Abernathy@ucm.com, nalexander@texasmonthly.emmis.com, 
blackj@wellsfargo.com, Louisb2468@aol.com, burgher@cornerstonesolutions.com, 
rclark@nymex.com, ckcrews@swbell.net, KCDunnagan@aol.com, 
rdyerlaw@houston.rr.com, sgoldfield@tmh.tmc.edu, 
lesley.guthrie@cpa.state.tx.us, elizabethherring@pzlqs.com, 
khcnb@arkansas.net, robyn_howard@aimfunds.com, Michael.Jacobs@hq.doe.gov, 
vkamins@enron.com, paulcraiglaird2@netscape.net, 
adrian.a.nunez@usa.conoco.com, daricha@ppco.com, esjerve@canspec.com, 
alane_smith@transcanada.com, james.stanton@et.pge.com, 
dzerba@teldatasolutions.com
cc:  
Subject: Fwd: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks


Have a good week!

Jana

Return-Path: <woodybc@bp.com>
Received: from  rly-zb01.mx.aol.com (rly-zb01.mail.aol.com [172.31.41.1]) by 
air-zb05.mail.aol.com (v70.20) with ESMTP; Fri, 31 Mar 2000 11:18:19 -0500
Received: from  interlock.amoco.com (interlock.amoco.com [192.195.167.2]) by 
rly-zb01.mx.aol.com (v70.21) with ESMTP; Fri, 31 Mar 2000 11:17:55 -0500
Received: by interlock.amoco.com id KAA20262  (InterLock SMTP Gateway 3.0 for 
jlpnymex@aol.com);  Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600
Received: by interlock.amoco.com (Protected-side Proxy Mail Agent-2);  Fri, 
31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600
Received: by interlock.amoco.com (Protected-side Proxy Mail Agent-1);  Fri, 
31 Mar 2000 10:17:46 -0600
Message-Id: <D53215B582D2D2118F580008C7B1AB47C33B16@amhoux9.hou.am.bp.com>
From: "Woody, Brett C" <woodybc@bp.com>
To: "'dand@headington.com'" <dand@headington.com>,        
"'clwhite@duke-energy.com'" <clwhite@duke-energy.com>,        
"'joyg@aurora-gas.com'" <joyg@aurora-gas.com>,        "'jlpnymex@aol.com'"  
<jlpnymex@aol.com>
Subject: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:16:40 -0600
X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2448.0)

A little light humor.

> > Subject:  Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
> >
> > MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS
> >
> > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting squirrels.
> > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
> > still considered improper to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> >
> > DINING OUT
> > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
> > fingers covering the label.
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
> > manners are.
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
> > be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> > However, if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
> > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
> > tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
> > foods.
> >
> > DATING (Outside the Family)
> > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> > 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:  "I've been wanting
> > to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two
> years
> > ago."
> > 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
> > say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it
> > is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> > after the movie has ended.
> > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> > they can't hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> > cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create an unappealing
> appearance.
> > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> > occasion.
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
> > loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> > always has the right of way.
> > 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
> > to ask her to bring back beer.
> > 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> > 6. Do not mend mufflers with bubble-gum if your truck back-fires
> >
>
>