These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard
exercises
                   that Bart writes during the opening credits.

     I will not carve gods.
     I will not spank others.
     I will not aim for the head.
     I will not barf unless I'm sick
     I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
     I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
     I will not conduct my own fire drills.
     Funny noises are not funny.
     I will not snap bras.
     I will not fake seizures.
     This punishment is not boring and pointless.
     My name is not Dr. Death.
     I will not defame New Orleans.
     I will not prescribe medication.
     I will not bury the new kid.
     I will not teach others to fly.
     I will not bring sheep to class.
     A burp is not an answer.
     Teacher is not a leper.
     Coffee is not for kids.
     I will not eat things for money.
     I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
     The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
     I will not call the principal "spud head".
     Goldfish don't bounce.
     Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
     No one is interested in my underpants.
     I will not sell miracle cures.
     I will return the seeing-eye dog.
     I do not have diplomatic immunity.
     I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
     I will never win an emmy.
     The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
     All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
     I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
     I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
     My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
     I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
     I am not deliciously saucy.
     Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
     The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
     I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
     There are plenty of businesses like show business.
     Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
     I will not waste chalk.
     I will not skateboard in the halls.
     I will not instigate revolution.
     I will not draw naked ladies in class.
     I did not see Elvis.
     I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
     Garlic gum is not funny.
     They are laughing at me, not with me.
     I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
     I will not encourage others to fly.
     I will not fake my way through life.
     Tar is not a plaything.
     I will not Xerox my butt.
     It's potato, not potatoe.
     I will not trade pants with others.
     I am not a 32 year old woman.
     I will not do that thing with my tongue.
     I will not drive the principal's car.
     I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
     I will not sell school property.
     I will not burp in class.
     I will not cut corners.
     I will not get very far with this attitude.
     I will not belch the National Anthem.
     I will not sell land in Florida.
     I will not grease the monkey bars.
     I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
     I will not do anything bad ever again.
     I will not show off.
     I will not sleep through my education.
     I am not a dentist.
     Spitwads are not free speech.
     Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
     High explosives and school don't mix.
     I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
     I will not squeak chalk.
     I will finish what I sta
     "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
     Underwear should be worn on the inside.
     The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
     I will not torment the emotionally frail.