THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING)

 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house
 4inches deep.


 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with
 rollerblades, they can ignite.


 3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
 enough to raise a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
 spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.


 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When
using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
 you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) does not stop a baseball hit by
a ceiling fan.


 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
 late.


 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


 9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.>

 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a
four-year-old.


 11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.


 12. Super glue is forever.


 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
 walk on water.


 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.


 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is


 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.  Plastic toys do not
like ovens.


 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.


 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy


 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


 24. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful...True story.  One day the
first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
 She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to
 accumulate the building materials for his home.  She read, "...And so the
 pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,
"Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
 build my house?"  The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do
you think that man said?"  One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think
he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!"  The teacher was unable to teach for the
 next 10 minutes.