Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

I'm terribly concerned about my memory, but for the life of me I can't 
remember why

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

Televangelists: The professional wrestlers of religion

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

We all have a photographic memory. Some of us have just run out of film

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Black holes are where God divided by zero