Mom,

I'm sorry that today was particularly hard for you. It wasn't too sad for me until I got your email. I had tried really hard to convince myself not to think about the fact that it's been a month because today is really just like yesterday. But I got your email while talking to Mikey and started talking about it all. I realized just now that I have my old standby of school to stress out about but that you can't really take comfort in your work like you normally would. That must make it extra hard on you. I got to let it all out on Wednesday when I got to the Pink House and none of y'all were there--I had a good forty minutes to myself, and I went out on the dock and just cried (until the rain came). It is honestly so hard for me to believe that he's gone. I still feel like I'm in denial sometimes. I have recognized that I feel extremely lonely right now because it seems like the whole world has moved on and I'm caught in one place. As much as it hurts me to hear that you're having a particularly sad day, it feels good to know that someone is right there with me. I take comfort in that, if nothing else. For me, the biggest struggle has honestly been how upbeat and lively PopPop was the day before he died. I almost wish I could have seen it in his face or something because I feel that maybe I would have been better prepared. But on the other hand, I'm so grateful to have had PopPop in good form as my last memories. Sigh. This is such a process, and I feel like it's just beginning. But I know we are going to get through it, and I can tell we're going to be an even stronger family because of it. I guess I'd better get back to my thus far unsuccessful paper writing. My mind is evidently elsewhere because I've gotten nothing done today. Oh well I'm sure I'll get it all done and do just fine. (Thanks to your "what's the worst that could happen?" speech) Take care, and I'll see you Thursday.

Love,

Paige

P.S.
Call me if you want to talk...I'm always happy to hear from home.