---------------------- Forwarded by Kristian J Lande/HOU/ECT on 12/13/2000 
01:48 PM ---------------------------

Kristian J Lande

12/13/2000 01:44 PM

To: Tracy Ngo/PDX/ECT@ECT, Todd Perry/PDX/ECT@ECT
cc:  
Subject: 

Subject: Lost in Translation ....
>
>
>Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
>GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN 
BED.
>
>Hotel Anders, Rome:
>ALL FEMALE GUESTS ARE WELCOME. PLEASE BRING OWN TOWELS FOR MORNING 
SHOW.
>
>Hotel notice, Tokyo:
>IT IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON 
TO DO
>SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.
>
>On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
>OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
>
>In a Tokyo bar:
>SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
>
>In a Bangkok temple:
>IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
>
>Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: 
>PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
>
>Hotel brochure, Italy:
>THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS 
FROM ALL
>OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
>
>Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
>THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET 
THAT
>YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
>
>In a Leipzig elevator:
>DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARDS, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.
>
>Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
>TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD 
ENTER
>MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR.DRIVING 
IS
>THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.
>
>Hotel elevator, Paris:
>PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
>
>Hotel, Athens:
>VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 
AND
>11 AM DAILY.
>
>Hotel, Yugoslavia:
>THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE 
CHAMBERMAID.
>
>Hotel, Japan:
>YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
>
>Sign in Japanese public bath:
>FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
>
>Sign in men's rest room in Japan:
>TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
>
>In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox 
monastery:
>YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
>COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
>
>Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
>NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS 
OF
>ASCENSION.
>
>Taken from a menu, Poland:
>SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN 
THE
>FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN 
THE
>COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
>
>Supermarket, Hong Kong:
>FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
>
>Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
>DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
>
>Outside a dress shop, Paris:
>DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.
>
>Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:
>LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
>
>Tailor shop, Rhodesia:
>ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE 
CUSTOMERS IN
>STRICT ROTATION.
>
>In an East African newspaper:
>A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE
>THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
>
>Hotel, Vienna:
>IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
>
>A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
>IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE 
OF
>DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
UNLESS
>THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
>
>Hotel, Zurich:
>BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX 
IN
THE
>BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
>
>An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: 
>TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
>
>From a Russian book on Chess:
>A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION 
HAS
>BEEN PLAYED.
>
>A laundry in Rome:
>LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD 
TIME.
>
>Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
>TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
>
>Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: 
>WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
>
>In the window on a Swedish furrier:
>FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
>
>The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: 
>GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
>
>Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
>STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.
>
>In a Swiss mountain inn:
>SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
>
>On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
>IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
>
>Cocktail lounge, Norway:
>LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
>
>At a Budapest zoo:
>PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT 
TO
>THE GUARD ON DUTY.
>
>Doctor's office, Rome:
>SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
>
>Hotel, Acapulco:
>THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
>
>Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
>COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR 
ROOM,
>PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
>
>Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
>WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN.  TRUMPET HIM
>MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLESYOUR PASSAGE THEN 
TOOTLE HIM
>WITH VIGOR.
>
>Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
>ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE, SPEECHING AMERICAN
>
>Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
>WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.