Have a Safe & Happy Thanksgiving Everyone !!

 

THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS 

By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY 

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced 
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out 
with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the 
holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine 
without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate 
second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, 
they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your 
favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think 
so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. 
I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you 
follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to 
New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway. 

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on 
   a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In 
   fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where 
   they're serving rum balls. 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine 
   single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than 
   single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. 
   So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's 
   not as if you're going to turn into an egg- nogaholic or something. 
   It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than 
   you think. It's Christmas! 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of 
   gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill 
   it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk 
   or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a 
   sports car with an automatic transmission. 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control 
   your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat 
   other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college? 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New 
   Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. 
   This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the 
   buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of 
   eggnog. 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like 
   frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position 
   yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before 
   becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of 
   shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them 
   again. 

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. 
   Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. 
   Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one 
   dessert? Labor Day? 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the 
   mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, 
   have some standards, mate. 

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the 
    party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. 
    Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just 
    around the corner. 






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