> > A  Redneck Valentine 
> >  
> > Collards is green  
> > my dog's name is Blue  
> > and I'm so lucky  
> > to have a sweet thang like you.  
> >  
> > Yore hair is like cornsilk  
> > a-flapping in the breeze  
> > Softer than Blue's  
> > and without all them fleas.  
> >  
> > You move like the bass,  
> > which excite me in May.  
> > You ain't got no scales  
> > but I luv you anyway.  
> >  
> > Yo're as satisfy'n as okry  
> > jist a-fry'n in the pan.  
> > Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"  
> > right out of the can.  
> >  
> > You have som'a yore teeth,  
> > for which I am proud;  
> > I hold my head high  
> > when we're in a crowd.  
> >  
> > On special occasions,  
> > when you shave under yore arms,  
> > well, I'm in hawg heaven,  
> > and awed by yore charms.  
> >  
> > Still them fellers at work,  
> > they all want to know,  
> > what I did to deserve  
> > such a purdy, young doe.  
> >  
> > Like a good roll of duct tape  
> > yo're there fer yore man,  
> > to patch up life's troubles  
> > and fix what you can.  
> >  
> > Yo're as cute as a junebug  
> > a-buzzin' overhead.  
> > You ain't mean like those far ants  
> > I found in my bed.  
> >  
> > Cut from the best cloth  
> > like a plaid flannel shirt,  
> > you spark up my life  
> > more than a fresh load of dirt.  
> >  
> > When you hold me real tight  
> > like a padded gunrack,  
> > my life is complete;  
> > Ain't nuttin' I lack.  
> >  
> > Yore complexion, it's perfection,  
> > like the best vinyl sidin'.  
> > despite all the years,  
> > yore age, it keeps hidin'.  
> >  
> > Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie  
> > with a RC cold drank,  
> > we go together  
> > like a skunk goes with stank.  
> >  
> > Some men, they buy chocolate  
> > for Valentine's Day;  
> > They git it at Wal-Mart,  
> > it's romantic that way.  
> >  
> > Some men git roses  
> > on that special day  
> > from the cooler at Kroger.  
> > "That's impressive," I say.  
> >  
> > Some men buy fine diamonds  
> > from a flea market booth.  
> > "Diamonds are forever,"  
> > they explain, suave and couth.  
> >  
> > But for this man, honey,  
> > these won't do.  
> > Cause yo're too special,  
> > you sweet thang you.  
> >  
> > I got you a gift,  
> > without taste nor odor,  
> > more useful than diamonds...  
> >  
> > IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!  
>