---------------------- Forwarded by Matthew Lenhart/HOU/ECT on 09/27/2000 
01:12 PM ---------------------------


"Marcantel MM (Mitch)" <MMMarcantel@equiva.com> on 09/27/2000 11:49:02 AM
To: "Oncale Z (Zach)" <ZONCALE@equiva.com>, "'Matthew.Lenhart@enron.com'" 
<Matthew.Lenhart@enron.com>, "Sutton EE (Ed)" <EESutton@equilon.com>, 
"Olmscheid JF (Joe)" <JFOLMSCHEID@Equilon.com>
cc:  

Subject: DUMP AT WORK






> >> We've all been there but don't like to admit it.  We've all kicked
> >> back in
> >> our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below.  As much
> >> as we
> >> try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.  For those of
> >> you
> >> who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the...........
> >>
> >> 1999 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK.
> >> Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure
> >> pleasure.
> >>
> >> ESCAPEE
> >> Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
> >> forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
> >> of
> >> panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
> >> passing an unseen police car and speeding.  If you release an escapee,
> >> do
> >> not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen.  If you are standing
> >> next to
> >> the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it.  No one
> >> likes an
> >> escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved.  Making a joke or
> >> laughing
> >> makes both parties feel uneasy.
> >>
> >> JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing
> >> poop,
> >> several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side
> >> effect
> >> of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain
> >> in the
> >> stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the
> >> awkwardness of what just occurred.
> >>
> >> COURTESY FLUSH
> >> Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
> >> of the
> >> poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
> >> location.  This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink
> >> up the
> >> bathroom.  This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
> >> SHAME.
> >>
> >> WALK OF SHAME
> >> Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
> >> have
> >> just stunk-up the bathroom.  This can be a very uncomfortable moment
> >> if
> >> someone walks in.  As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the
> >> smell
> >> does not exist.
> >>
> >> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> >> Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.
> >> You will
> >> often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
> >> newspaper or
> >> magazine under their arm.  Always look around the office for the Out
> >> of the
> >> Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
> >>
> >> THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
> >> Definition:  A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
> >> "emergency
> >> pooping" goes off without incident.  This group can help you to
> >> monitor the
> >> whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
> >>
> >> SAFE HAVEN
> >> Definition:  A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
> >> you can
> >> least expect visitors.  Try floors that are predominantly of the
> >> opposite
> >> sex.  This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> >> bathroom.
> >>
> >> TURD BURGLAR
> >> Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
> >> and
> >> tries to force the door open.  This is one of the most shocking and
> >> vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work.  If
> >> this
> >> occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you
> >> will
> >> avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
> >>
> >> CAMO-COUGH
> >> Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the
> >> bathroom
> >> that you are in a stall.  This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or
> >> to
> >> alert potential TURD BURGLARS.  Very effective when used in
> >> conjunction with
> >> an ASTAIRE.
> >>
> >> ASTAIRE
> >> Definition:  A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
> >> BURGLARS
> >> that you are occupying a stall.  This will remove all doubt that the
> >> stall
> >> is occupied.  If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately
> >> so the
> >> pooper can poop in peace.
> >>
> >> WATERMELON
> >> Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
> >> water.
> >> This is also an embarrassing incident.  If you feel a WATERMELON
> >> coming on,
> >> create a diversion.  See CAMO-COUGH.
> >>
> >> HAVANA OMELET
> >> Definition:  A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes
> >> in
> >> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee.  Try using a
> >> CAMO-COUGH
> >> with an ASTAIRE.
> >>
> >> UNCLE TED
> >> Definition:  A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
> >> Could
> >> spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on
> >> the pot.
> >> An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
> >> should
> >> always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This
> >> benefits you
> >> as well as the other bathroom attendees.
> >>
> >> FLY BY
> >> Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.  Walk
> >> in,
> >> check for other poopers.  If there are others in the bathroom, leave
> >> and
> >> come back again.  Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.  People
> >> may
> >> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
> >> bathroom.
> >>
> >> CRACK WHORE
> >> Definition: A crapper that has seen more behinds than a Greyhound Bus.
> >> Tell
> >> tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pee stains and crap streaks.
> >> Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost.  Try finding out when the janitor
> >> cleans
> >> each particular bathroom.  Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a
> >> SAFE
> >> HAVEN.
> >>
>
>