>From: "Lucy" <lucewheelfarms@earthlink.net>
>Reply-To: "Lucy" <lucewheelfarms@earthlink.net>
>To: "WAYNE & JENNY" <WFISCH4825@aol.com>, "SUE-BEE"
><skeedder@peoplepc.com>, "SUE" <sue4109@earthlink.net>, "STEPHANIE"
><freezebaby24@yahoo.com>, "RICK" <Wheat9797@aol.com>, "MARY & REAGAN"
><themarshalls1@hotmail.com>, "MARY \"17\"" <maryspr@bright.net>, "MARLENE"
><marlenesbaker@aol.com>, "LAURA & RALPH" <BOXBARL@MSN.COM>, "Kay"
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><DAFHX2@aol.com>, "CLAUDIA" <claudiaylove@yahoo.com>, "CLARIS"
><sadraclaris@yahoo.com>, "BILL" <trampstwo@aol.com>
>Subject: Fw: Fw: Southern Christmas
>Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2001 20:49:53 -0500
>
>Subject: Southern Christmas
>
>We reget to inform you that, effective immediately, Santa Claus will no
>longer be able to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to
>the overwhelming current population of the earth, his contract was
>renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 210, and he now
>serves only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and
>Michigan.
>
>As part of the new and better contract, Santa will also get longer breaks
>for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. Your children will not be
>ignored on Christmas Eve - they will be in the good hands of your local
>replacement, Santa's second cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is
>from the South Pole. He shares Santa's goal of delivering toys to all the
>good boys and girls, however, you may notice a few differences in the
>service. For example:
>
>1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
>He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads "These toys
>insured by Smith and Wesson."
>
>2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an
>RC cola and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
>smoke a pipe, though he dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit
>can handy.
>
>3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared flyin' coon dogs instead
>of reindeer. Reindeer were once mistakenly issued to Bubba Claus, who now
>has a couple more nice trophy heads over his fireplace.
>
>4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when
>Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Ernhardt, on Wallace, on
>Martin and Petty...."
>
>5. "Ho, ho, ho!" will be replaced by "Yee-haw!" And you also are likely to
>hear Bubba's elves respond in unison, "I hear'd dat!"
>
>6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
>Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off." He also
>has a few other decorations on his sleigh back as well, such as a string of
>flashing Christmas lights around the license plate, and a caricature of
>Santa Claus going wee-wee on the Tooth Fairy.
>
>7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
>"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
>Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit
>V" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars
>crashing into each other.
>
>8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. You should make sure that the wife and
>the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the
>tree.
>
>9. And finally, Christmas songs about Santa Claus, such as "Rudolph The
>Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" will be replaced on
>all AM radio stations in the South by your new official Christmas carol,
>"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
>
>YEE-HAW!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
>
>




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