How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
Say, "Nice Dick"!

What do you call a 90 year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex too.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half mast?
They're hiring.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each
arm?
A Pimp.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern
zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
the cage,along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say "Fuck!"?
Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo!"

How do you know when you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends.