-----Original Message-----
From: Randy Whittaker  [mailto:randywhittaker@wingfootct.com]
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001  8:22 AM
To: Angela's Boy (E-mail); Billy Bygodainsworth (E-mail);  Leon's Daughter (E-mail); Randi and Rori's Mom (E-mail); Randy's Favorite Sister  (E-mail); Ross Marshall (E-mail); Terrible Tom (E-mail)
Subject: FW:  Bubba Claus...
 
-----Original Message-----
From: Thomas, Tamara  [mailto:Tamara.Thomas@ssa.gov]
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 7:34  AM
To: Beth Dial (E-mail); Amanda Kay Thomas (E-mail); Brenda  (E-mail); Brenda Cook (E-mail); Pacheco, Carlos; Yeager, Dana P.; Debi (Green)  Dean (E-mail); Williams, Dianne; Frances Green (E-mail); Kellie Newman (E-mail);  Kevin Thomas (E-mail 2); Misti Jackson (E-mail 2); Noel Thomas (E-mail); Randy  Whittaker (E-mail); Sharon Smith (E-mail); Shirley Worthen (E-mail); Pohl,  Toby
Subject: Bubba Claus...
Carlos, you should luv this  one!
 
An announcement from Santa. . .  
> 
>I regret to inform you  that, effective immediately, I will no longer be  
>able to serve the  Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the 
>overwhelming current  population of the earth, my contract was  
renegotiated 
>by North American  Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve  
>only certain areas of  Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan.  
As 
>part of the new and  better contract I also get longer breaks for milk  
and 
>cookies so keep that in  mind. However, I'm certain that your children  
will 
>be in good hands with  your local replacement who happens to be my third  
>cousin, Bubba Claus.  His side of the family is from the South Pole. He 
>shares my goal of  delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;  
however, 
>there are a few  differences between us. 
> 
>Differences such as:  
> 
>1. There is no danger  of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba  
Claus. 
>He has a gun rack on  his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These  
>toys insured by Smith  and Wesson," 
> 
>2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that  children leave 
an 
>RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.  And Bubba 
doesn't 
>smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please  have an empty 
spit 
>can handy. 
> 
>3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin'  coon dogs 
instead 
>of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple  of my 
>reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks  Bubba's fireplace. 
> 
>4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and  Blitzen.. " when 
Bubba 
>Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on  Wallace, on 
Martin 
>and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and  Petty." 
> 
>5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you  also are 
likely to 
>hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" 
> 
>6. As required by  Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have  
a 
>Yosemite Sam safety  triangle on the back with the words 
>"Back off" The last I heard it also had other decorations  on the sleigh 
>back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that  race through 
the 
>letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus)  going wee wee 
on 
>the Tooth Fairy.  
> 
>7. The usual Christmas  movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"  
and 
>"It's a Wonderful Life"  will not be shown in your negotiated viewing  
area. 
>Instead, you'll see  "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the  
Bandit 
>IV" featuring Burt  Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol  
cars 
>crashing into each  other. 
> 
>8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd  make sure you, 
the 
>wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over  to put 
presents 
>under the tree.  
> 
>9. And finally, lovely  Christmas songs have been sung about me like  
>"Rudolph The Red-nosed  Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is  
>Coming to Town." This  year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on  
all 
>the AM radio stations  in the South. Those song titles will be Mark  
>Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus  Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want  
for 
>Christmas Is My Woman  and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams 
>Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Shove  It." 
> 
>Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus  
>(member of North  American Fairies and Elves local 209)