Basically, you don't want to talk to me anymore :(  I just want to be 
loved....

Just kidding, I can't really respond right now, so I'll give you a call 
later.  I don't think I'm going to come now, so the time constraint is off. 

Mat






kathy.scully@milliman.com on 01/08/2001 02:20:41 PM
To: Matt.Smith@enron.com
cc:  

Subject: 


okay, i'm taking a break from trying to figure out this excel spreadsheet i'm 
working with.  it took me forever to remember how to use pivot tables.  it's 
pretty interesting though once i get past all the annoying parts.

well, i really would prefer to explain my thoughts to you through another 
media (i.e., speaking to you), but i guess you need to know asap, so i'll 
attempt it through email (even though i HATE email for explaining my thoughts 
b/c there's always misunderstandings).  i guess the reason i'm very hesitant 
about you coming is b/c i don't know what you expect from the visit.  we both 
know things are obviously different b/w us more recently than they had been 
when you initially moved.  i'm not sure about the reasons you feel different 
about me, but i can attempt to explain the reasons i feel different about 
you.  first, we don't really see each other often and that obviously makes 
someone feel less for a person, regardless of who it is (you have agreed with 
this).  second, since i started my job and have other things going on in my 
life, i realized that nothing will happen with us and i don't like being 
emotionally tied to someone knowing nothing will happen.  so, i've tried to 
get rid of all my feelings for you.  also, i don't like limiting myself as if 
something will happen. i don't know about you, but regardless of how much we 
said we weren't anything and we were free to do what we want, there was still 
a limit on what we could do.  with us visiting each other (in more than a 
friendly way), i felt somewhat limited. by limited i mean i always felt i 
could not be even slightly serious with someone else with us visiting each 
other as more than just friends.  don't worry, there isn't anyone else, it's 
just the thought of feeling limited if the opportunity arises that i don't 
like (especially when i've realized it's hopeless to expect anything with 
us).  so, i guess the reason i'm nervous about your visit is b/c i think you 
would want it to be like our other visits (i.e., you stay over my place...in 
my bed...and we hang out together all weekend) where i don't think i want 
that.  i would like if you visited, but not how we usually visit.  those are 
my thoughts (although not clearly explained b/c of hte email thing).

let me know what you think...