For those who have never traveled to the great West, cattle guards are
horizontal steel rails placed on the road at fence openings to prevent
  cattle from crossing.  For some reason the bovines will not step on the
guards, probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the
rails. I need to make that clear in order for you to appreciate the
following true story:

President Clinton received a report that there were over 100,000 cattle
  guards in Colorado.  Because Colorado ranchers protested his proposed
  changes in grazing policies, he ordered Secretary of Interior Bruce
  Babbitt to fire half of the guards immediately. Before Babbitt could
respond, and presumably straighten him out, Colorado's congresswoman
Pat Schroeder intervened with a request that before any were fired, they
be given six months of retraining.

  Al Gore, never one to pass up a chance to piggy back on any story,
pointed out that if the Guards had formed a strong union, such as the
teachers have with the NEA, they would not be in jeopardy.

  ....And so it goes, in this election year.  Don't you just love the
smell of political napalm in the morning?  We are governed by a pack of
fools!






What is a Goron?


1. Gorons sincerely believe that Vice President Gore is a true
    environmentalist, when he has an environmental disaster on his
own
farm: a
    polluting zinc mine, from which he received $500,000 of income
last
year.

2. Gorons likewise believe that the VP is anti-smoking and
anti-tobacco
    when he has operated a tobacco farm for decades and accepted
government
    subsidies.

3. Gorons truly believe that Gore is a Vietnam war hero, when in
fact
he
    was placed by family influence in a "cushy" correspondent's job
and
the
    only action he saw was that of his Brownie camera!(and his bong)

4. Gorons actually believe that Al Gore is justified in illegally
raising
    political funds from the Office of the VP, simply because the
Vanderbilt
    Law educated VP claims he was ignorant of the illegality.

5. Gorons further believe that it was OK for Al Gore to accept large
sums
    of political money from China through Buddhist monks who had
taken
vows of
    poverty, since he again claimed ignorance.

6. Gorons also believe that the man who claimed to "invent the
internet"
    would be so computationally ignorant that he could lose weeks of
    potentially incriminating e-mail!

7. Gorons, incredibly, believe Gore's claim that he and Tipper were
the
    models for the book and movie, "Love Story" even though the
book's
author,
    Erich Segal, says that's a bunch of crap.

8. Gorons, amazingly, believe that Gore will be the consumer's
champion
    against high gasoline prices although Gore holds a million
dollars
in
    Occidental Petroleum stock.

9. Gorons applaud Mr. Lieberman's open rejection of President
Clinton's
    immorality, but believe it was fine for Mr. Gore to remain
silent
on
the
    subject, while simultaneously declaring Mr. Clinton "one of the
greatest
    Presidents of our history."

  10. Gorons believe that Al Gore is an effective leader, when they
won't
    bother to look at his record as a Tennessee Senator, a record so
    ineffective that it has led to election of Republicans as BOTH
of
    Tennessee's senators.

  11. Gorons hold the belief that Gore is a compassionate man who will
be
    the working man's friend, in spite of the eviction notice he
served
to the
    poor family who complained about the conditions of the run down
slum
    house that he was renting to them.


  Cautionary Note:Medical researchers acknowledge the Gorons are
generally
   harmless, except when allowed into a voting booth. There,
unfortunately,
   overcome by their gullibility syndrome, they are apt to actually
vote
for
   Gore! They should be carefully protected from their ailment,
since
it
may
   be harmful to their well-being, yours, mine, and that of the USA.
   Therefore, PLEASE, heed the Surgeon General's warning, reach out
to
aid
   the Gorons in overcoming the syndrome, and PLEASE pass this on to
your
   normal friends, who might also know Gorons who need immediate
treatment.