-----Original Message-----
From: 	"Lightfield, Crystal" <CLightfield@velaw.com>@ENRON [mailto:IMCEANOTES-+22Lightfield+2C+20Crystal+22+20+3CCLightfield+40velaw+2Ecom+3E+40ENRON@ENRON.com] 
Sent:	Thursday, June 07, 2001 1:57 PM
To:	'Beth Fingerman'; 'Brian Archer'; 'Candi Archer'; 'Charles Ward'; Dorland, Chris; 'Cliff&Diana'; 'Craig & Deb'; 'Daddo'; 'Diane Nolen'; 'Erin (work)'; 'Lance Bertolino'; 'Lara Bell (work)'; 'Lisa Broussard'; 'mom'; 'Mom (work)'; 'Michele Lightfield'; 'MT'; 'Nicole'; 'Steph'
Subject:	FW: Fw: Beer Troubleshooting Guide



>       BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE:
>
>      SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
>       FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
>       ACTION: Punch him.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're
>            in.
>       FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
>       ACTION: See if they have free beer.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
>       FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
>       ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
>       FAULT: Improper bladder control.
>       ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
>                               (POKEY)
>
>       SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
>       FAULT: Glass empty.
>       ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
>       FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
>       ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
>       FAULT: You have fallen forward.
>       ACTION: See above.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
>       FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
>       ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
>       FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
>       ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
>       FAULT: You are being carried out.
>       ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
>       FAULT: Bar has closed.
>       ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and
>            textures.
>       FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
>       ACTION: Cover mouth.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
>       FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
>       ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
>       FAULT: You have been in a fight.
>       ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
>       FAULT: The beer is too weak.
>       ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
>       FAULT: Beer is just right.
>       ACTION: Play air guitar.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights.
>       FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
>       ACTION: Up the dosage.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
>       FAULT: You've been walking into things.
>       ACTION: Maintain dosage.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
>       FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
>       ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.
>
>       SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
>       FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
>       ACTION: It's too late, you made an ass of yourself.
>
>
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