The G R A P E V I N E
October 20, 2001 

Here are some items or notes that we thought you would 
find amusing, interesting or informative. Feel free to 
pass this newsletter along to others. Enjoy! 

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Published by:
>  John Sweney
>  Brookwoods Group
>    extraordinary people delivering
>    marketing and marketing communications solutions
>  www.brookwoods.com 

=> NEWS AND NOTES: The world of marketing...
=> INTERESTING INTERNET: Links we like...
=> SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: News of Brookwoods Group...
=> FRACTURED FEEDBACK: Comments from our readers...
=> GRATUITOUS HUMOROUS: Good clean fun...
=> LISTING TO ONE SIDE: The top ten whatever...
=> GRAPEVINE HOUSEKEEPING: Contacts, subscribe, etc...

=========================================================

=> NEWS AND NOTES

THE NEW WORLD OF COMMUNICATIONS

The world really did change on September 11.  Think of 
it:  Try to remember something you did during the first 
week of September -- a party, a movie, a dinner out.  
Doesn't that seem like a lifetime ago?

At a recent seminar I gave to a group of young members of 
the International Association of Business Communicators, 
I was asked, "How has communications changed since 
September 11?"  I think that there are two important 
shifts:  

1) All communications now must be relevant.  The era of 
cranking out meaningless press releases on top of fluffy 
brochures followed by disjointed ads is past.  I have 
been as guilty as the next person.  But here on out, 
irrelevant blather is not going to be tolerated by target 
audiences.  The example I use is the ubiquitous "new 
senior vice president" press release.  In the past, 
journalists (and the public) could dismiss these without 
a second thought.  Today, the recipient is just as likely 
to wonder, "Why is this company bothering to waste 
precious resources on this?"  (If the press release 
describes a newsworthy shift in the marketplace, and 
articulates how this new senior VP address that shift in 
a way that benefits the company's customers, then that is 
a step in the right direction.) 

2) Communications that are sensitive to "balance" are 
more likely to resonate.  Even if a communication is 
relevant, if it has an underlying message that some 
gadget or feature is incredibly important, it will fall 
on deaf ears.  What's important today?  Balance in life.  
Family.  Friends.  Even dogs <grin>!  For example, if you 
can demonstrate that your product or service can give 
your customer more time to spend on precious moments with 
their family, you are better off than if you highlight 
the 24x7 availability that allows people to work all the 
time...

EVALUATING CONSULTANTS

Brookwoods Group is a member of the Technology 
Entrepreneurs Exchange (www.texchange.org), and I 
attended the meeting last week as a panel of experts 
discussed the critical success factors for building a 
successful business. 

Bill Nash, president of Holland & Davis management 
consultants (www.hdinc.com) was one of the panelists, and 
I scribbled some notes from his talk, including a 
paraphrase of his four tough questions that should be 
asked of any consulting firm you are considering:

1)  Have you ever been fired by a client,
    and if so, why?

2)  Have you ever turned down a client
    opportunity, and if so, why?

3)  For your client's sake, have you ever
    removed yourself from a project, and
    if so, why?

4)  For your own sake, have you ever 
    fired a client, and if so, why?

=========================================================

=> INTERESTING INTERNET

This month marks the 75th anniversary of Winnie-the-Pooh.  
I think it may have been George Carlin who asked, "What 
is a Pooh?"  For those of us with a taste for unusual 
trivia, the name Winnie-the-Pooh was given by a real boy, 
Christopher Robin, to his stuffed teddy bear that had 
been previously called Edward Bear.  Five-year-old 
Christopher didn't really like the name, so his father, 
A.J. Milne, encouraged him to make up a new name.  The 
boy immediately came up with "Winnie-the-Pooh," a 
combination of the name of a friendly bear he had met at 
the London Zoo named Winnie (after the city of Winnipeg) 
and the name of a familiar swan at Kensington Gardens.  
See the entire story at:

www.pooh-corner.com/pooh.html

The original Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Kanga and Eeyore are 
now in a glass cabinet in the Donnell Center of the New 
York Public Library.  (Roo was lost in an apple orchard 
in the 1930s.)  See: 

www.nypl.org/branch/kids/pooh/winnie.html

Speaking of children, someone sent me a little Dr-Seuss-
like tale written to help explain the September 11 
attacks to children.  It resonated in my own child-like 
mind as well and is reproduced on our website at:

www.brookwoods.com/binch.htm
 
Speaking of Dr. Seuss, many people don't realize that Dr. 
Seuss for two years (1941-1943) was the chief editorial 
cartoonist for the New York newspaper "PM," and for that 
journal he drew over 400 editorial cartoons. See these 
serious political cartoons drawn in the familiar style 
during the early years of World War II at: 

orpheus.ucsd.edu/speccoll/dspolitic/Frame.htm

=========================================================

=> SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

We are pleased to report continuous positive feedback 
from clients on all fronts. We posted some of the best 
comments on our Client page on the Brookwoods Group 
website at:

www.brookwoods.com/clients.htm

I will be a panelist for the "Effective HighTech 
Marketing/PR Best Practices Panel" at the November 10 
TiE-Houston Conference, "Rediscovering & Accelerating the 
Entrepreneurial Spirit."  See www.tie-houston.org for 
details.

Since my last Grapevine, we have brought on several great 
marketing and communications professionals, including 
consultant Nancy Burch and VP of Operations Lorry Harju.  
Lorry is working hard to refine our operations model and 
demonstrate added value to new and existing clients.

We ran a couple new print ads this summer, all of which 
use dogs to illustrate the predicaments of clients who 
could use help from Brookwoods Group.  One ad shows a dog 
balancing teacups on his nose 
(www.brookwoods.com/ad4.htm) and the other shows a dog 
trying to make-do with an ill-fitting solution 
(www.brookwoods.com/ad5.htm).  Frankly, some people think 
the latter ad is a little spooky.  Check it out and judge 
for yourself!

As always, CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE at www.brookwoods.com!
 
=========================================================

=> FRACTURED FEEDBACK

Comments from our readers...

Many readers noted that the HTML formatting did not 
really work on their mail readers.  Others received the 
formatting, but the graphics were not embedded where they 
belonged.  All in all, I think I'll stick with plain text 
for now!  If I want to show graphics, I'll use an html 
link!

Several people took us up on our offer to run a CarFax 
report for them.  

Gail Schutz commented on my bemoaning that my old car was 
always in the shop, noting, "I have also heard it said 
that the two best days in a boat owner's life are the 
first day and the last day."  She may be right.  My car 
has been in the shop since May (yes... May!).  

Kim Padgett noted that we use a woman on the phone in the 
bathtub as the icon for our Grapevine and "Buzz" sections 
of the website.  (www.brookwoods.com/buzz.htm).  She 
offered to "try to find one with a man taking a bath on a 
cell phone for the next issue!!"  I never got a picture 
from her, but I did find a picture of a naked man talking 
on a headset.  Does that count?  See 
www.brookwoods.com/other/890829-001.jpg

Hank Moore thinks we do a very good job and produce "one 
of the best e-newsletters that I've seen."  Thanks, Hank!

Tom Lammers, Denise Boyd, and several others wrote that 
the test to know whether you are ready to be a parent 
left them laughing out loud.  If you missed it, see 
www.brookwoods.com/grape/20010713.htm

Let us know what you think of this newsletter or the 
lunatic opinions expressed herein. Write to:
party@brookwoods.com

=========================================================

=> GRATUITOUS HUMOROUS

With all my problems over my old car in the shop, this 
seems like a good story to tell:

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of 
a Bentley, when he spotted a world - famous heart surgeon 
in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the 
service manager to come take a look at his car. The 
mechanic yelled across he garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask 
you a question?"  
 
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the 
mechanic working on the Bentley. The mechanic 
straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So 
Doc, look at this engine, I also can open hearts, take 
valves out, fix 'em, put in new parts and when I finish,  
this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a 
pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I 
are doing basically the same work?" 
 
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered 
to the mechanic...   
 
"Try doing it with the motor running."

----

This story illustrates the importance of providing clear 
instructions, not subject to interpretation:

A couple of Kentucky hunters are out in the woods when 
one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be 
breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.  
 
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He 
gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I 
do?"  
 
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take 
it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."  
 
...There is a silence, then a shot is heard.  
 
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now 
what?" 

=========================================================

=> LISTING TO ONE SIDE

Here is a list of words that really should exist in the 
English language, but for some reason, they are not in 
the dictionary.  

ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) -- adj. Being able 
to drive and read a road map at the same time.  
 
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) -- adj. Possessing the 
ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your 
toes.   
 
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) -- n. The point where the 
stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect 
height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to 
suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or 
ear).   
 
BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) -- n. When a hamburger can't 
take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill 
into the coals.  
 
BUZZACKS (buz' aks) -- n. People in phone marts who walk 
around picking up display phones and listening for dial 
tones even when they know the phones 
are not connected.  
 
CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) -- n. The act, 
when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of 
lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it 
up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the 
vacuum one more chance.     
 
DIMP (dimp) -- n. A person who insults you in a cheap 
department store by asking, "Do you work here?"     
 
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') -- v. To sterilize the piece 
of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, 
somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.  
 
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) -- n. A rescue vehicle which 
can only be seen in the rearview mirror.     
 
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) -- n. Gangly people sitting 
in front of you at the movies who, no matter what 
direction you lean in, follow suit.   
 
ELBONICS (el bon' iks) -- n. The actions of two people 
maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.     
 
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) -- n. The mistaken 
notion that the more you press an elevator button the 
faster it will arrive.    
 
FRUST (frust) -- n. The small line of debris that refuses 
to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person 
across the room until he finally decides to give up and 
sweep it under the rug.  
 
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) -- n. 
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so 
badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.     
 
NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) -- n. A fluorescent light 
bulb struggling to come to life.   
 
PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') -- n. The waiter at a fancy 
restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around 
asking diners if they want ground pepper.  
  
PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) -- adj. One who is 
embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.   
 
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) -- n. The affliction of dialing a 
phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as 
they answer.   
 
PUPKUS (pup' kus) -- n. The moist residue left on a 
window after a dog presses its nose to it.     
 
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) -- n. The act 
of always letting the phone ring at least twice before 
you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
 
=========================================================

=> GRAPEVINE HOUSEKEEPING

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Brookwoods Group Inc. is a marketing communications 
staffing and consulting company. Whether a Brookwoods  
Group associate or an affiliated colleague, every  
member of the group is dedicated to meeting the marketing 
communications and communications staffing needs of our 
clients. We are known for our competence, our integrity,  
our good humor and our professional attitudes. Visit our  
website at: www.brookwoods.com 
 
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