-----Original Message-----
From: 	"George, Mike (CA - Calgary)" <migeorge@deloitte.ca>@ENRON [mailto:IMCEANOTES-+22George+2C+20Mike+20+28CA+20-+20Calgary+29+22+20+3Cmigeorge+40deloitte+2Eca+3E+40ENRON@ENRON.com] 
Sent:	Thursday, August 30, 2001 12:45 PM
To:	Dorland, Chris
Subject:	FW: guide


When  you have 5 minutes you have to read this e-mail about shitting at work.  It  is the funniest thing I have ever read.
-----Original Message-----
From: Schoenhals, Jeff CIC  [mailto:JSchoenhals@cicorp.sk.ca]
Sent: Tuesday, August 14, 2001 8:14  AM
To: 'George, Mike (CA - Calgary)'
Subject: RE:  guide
I  know, it's so true!!  I had a jailbreak last week and I just about died  laughing.
-----Original Message-----
From: George, Mike (CA - Calgary)  [mailto:migeorge@deloitte.ca]
Sent: August 14, 2001 8:07  AM
To: 'Schoenhals, Jeff CIC'
Subject: RE:  guide
this is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!  
-----Original Message----- 
From:  Schoenhals, Jeff CIC [mailto:JSchoenhals@cicorp.sk.ca ]  
Sent: Tuesday, July 31, 2001 8:38 AM 
To: Brent Ehrich (E-mail); C. A. Hatlelid (E-mail); Colin Clements (CA   
Calgary) (E-mail); Colin Laturnus (E-mail); Geoff  Yaworski (E-mail); 
Jason Wessel (E-mail); John Gorst  (E-mail); Max Zureski (E-mail); 
Michael O'Krancy  (E-mail); Mike George (E-mail); Scott. Parks (E-mail); 
Tyler Stuart (E-mail) 
Subject: FW: guide  
-----Original Message----- 
From:  brett.selinger@sasktel.sk.ca [mailto:brett.selinger@sasktel.sk.ca ]  
Sent: July 30, 2001 4:51 PM 
To: Craig  Bryksa; eharmel; Mike Harmel; jjknoll@jpm.hewitt.com; C. 
Leier; coltsback@hotmail.com; jschoenhals@cicorp.sk.ca 
Subject: guide 
----- Forwarded by Brett Selinger/SaskTel/CA on 07/30/2001  04:49 PM ----- 
  
                     Larry Martin 
                                          To:     Brett 
Selinger/SaskTel/CA@SaskTel             
                     07/30/2001            cc: 
                     04:18  PM              Subject:     guide 
  
  
1999 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK. 
ESCAPEE 
Definition: 
  A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal   or 
forcing poop in a stall. This is usually  accompanied by a sudden wave 
of panic/embarrassment.  This is similar to the hot flash you receive 
when  passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an 
escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you  are 
standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend  that you did not 
hearit. No one likes an escapee, it  is uncomfortable for all involved. 
Making a joke or  laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. 
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) 
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine  guns 
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea  or a hangover. If this 
should happen do not panic,  remain in the stall until everyone has left 
the  bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.  
COURTESY FLUSH 
Definition: The act of  flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of 
the  poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an 
undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop  has 
to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid  being caught doing the 
WALK OF SHAME. 
WALK OF SHAME 
Definition: Walking from  the stall, to the sink, to the door after you 
have  just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment  
if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is  best to 
pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be  avoided with the use of a 
COURTESY FLUSH. 
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER 
Definition: A  colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You 
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with   
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look  around the office for 
the Out of the Closet pooper  before entering the bathroom. 
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) 
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure  emergency 
pooping goes off without incident. This  group can help you to monitor 
the whereabouts of OUT  OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. 
SAFE HAVEN 
Definition: A seldom used  bathroom somewhere in the building where you 
can least  expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the 
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex  entering 
the bathroom. 
TURD BURGLAR 
Definition: A pooper who  does not realize that you are in the stall and 
tries  to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and 
vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If  this 
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD  BURGLAR leaves. This way you 
will avoid all  uncomfortable eye contact. 
CAMO-COUGH 
Definition: A phony cough  which alerts all new entrants into the 
bathroom that  you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a 
WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when  used 
 in 
conjunction with  an ASTAIRE. 
ASTAIRE 
Definition: A subtle toe-tap  that is used to alert potential TURD 
BURGLARS that you  are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that 
the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the  bathroom 
immediately so the pooper can poop in  peace. 
WATERMELON 
Definition: A turd that  creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet 
water.  This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON  
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. 
HAVANA OMELET 
Definition: A load of  diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes 
in the  toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a 
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE. 
UNCLE TED 
Definition: A bathroom user  who seems to linger around forever. Could 
spend  extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the  
pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the  crapper, as 
 you 
should  always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty.This 
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. 
FLY BY 
Definition: The act of scouting  out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, 
check for  other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and 
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.   People may 
become suspicious if they catch you  constantly going into the bathroom. 
CRACK WHORE 
Definition: A crapper that  has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. 
Tell tale  signs of a CRACK WHORE include hairs, stains and streaks. 
Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor  cleans 
each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a  good cleaning,a CRACK 
 WHORE 
can become a SAFE HAVEN.