>From: "Core La" <cla@houston.rr.com>
>To: "An La" <an1229@hotmail.com>,   "BOND, BRIAN R [PHR/1000]"
><brian.r.bond@pharmacia.com>,   <Nicole.La@enron.net>,
><richard.le@tekelec.com>, <tania_la@hotmail.com>,   <yangkit@hotmail.com>
>Subject: ya'll might have seen this one
>Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 12:20:08 -0500
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: Laura Quisenberry
>To: Alphamonster@aol.com ; brianw@seiferlaw.com ; chavitaem@hotmail.com ;
>christina_garza@hotmail.com ; Christopher.Petrossian@gsb.uchicago.edu ;
>cwasserod@aol.com ; cla@houston.rr.com ; Dan.H.Vo@kp.org ;
>danitaz21@hotmail.com
>Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2001 8:24 PM
>Subject: Fwd: FW: "How to" (RTFPM)
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >From: "Tristan, Dorothy"
> >To: "'Kent Hesser'" , "'Laura Q'" , "'Lisa and Iban'" , "'MCMike'" ,
>"'Ron Bilbrey (home)'"
> >Subject: FW: "How to" (RTFPM)
> >Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 14:42:40 -0500
> >
> > > HOW TO POOP AT WORK
> > > >
> > > > We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
>back
> > >in
> > > > our
> > > > cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we
>try
> > >to
> > > > convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those
>who
> > > > hate
> > > > pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a
>dump
> > >at
> > > > work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a
>pure
> > > > pleasure.
> > > >
> > > > ESCAPEE.
> > > > Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal
>or
> > > > forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
>wave
> > >of
> > > > panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive
>when
> > > > passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an
>escapee, do
> > > > not
> > > > acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
>to
> > >the
> > > > farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
> > > > escapee,
> > > > it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing
>makes
> > >both
> > > > parties feel uneasy.
> > > >
> > > > JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
> > > > Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine
>gun
> > > > pace.
> > > > This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
>should
> > > > happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left
>the
> > > > bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
> > > >
> > > > COURTESY FLUSH.
> > > > Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone
>of
> > > > the
> > > > poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an
>undisclosed
> > > > location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink
>up
> > >the
> > > > bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
>SHAME.
> > > >
> > > > WALK OF SHAME.
> > > > Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
>you
> > > > have
> > > > just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
>if
> > > > someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to
>pretend
> > > > that
> > > > the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
>COURTESY
> > > > FLUSH.
> > > >
> > > > OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
> > > > Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You
>will
> > > > often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
> > >newspaper
> > > > or
> > > > magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out
>Of
> > >The
> > > > Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
> > > >
> > > > THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
> > > > Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure
>emergency
> > > > pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to
>monitor
> > >the
> > > > whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
> > > >
> > > > SAFE HAVENS.
> > > > Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where
>you
> > >can
> > > > least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
>opposite
> > > > sex.
> > > > This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
>bathroom.
> > > >
> > > > TURD BURGLAR:
> > > > Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall
>and
> > > > tries
> > > > to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
>vulnerable
> > > > moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs,
> > >remain
> > > > in
> > > > the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
> > > > uncomfortable eye contact.
> > > >
> > > > CAMO-COUGH.
> > > > Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
>bathroom
> > > > that
> > > > you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
> > >alert
> > > > potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction
>with an
> > > > ASTAIRE.
> > > >
> > > > ASTAIRE.
> > > > Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
> > >Burglars
> > > > that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the
> > >stall
> > > > is
> > > > occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so
>the
> > > > pooper can poop in peace.
> > > >
> > > > WATERMELON.
> > > > Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the
>toilet
> > > > water.
> > > > This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
>coming
> > >on,
> > > > create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> > > >
> > > > HAVANA OMELET.
> > > > Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
>splashes in
> > > > the
> > > > toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
>Camo-Cough
> > >with
> > > > an
> > > > Astaire.
> > > >
> > > > UNCLE TED.
> > > > Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
>Could
> > > > spend
> > > > extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
>pot.
> > >An
> > > > Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
> > >should
> > > > always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This
>benefits
> > > > you
> > > > as well as the other bathroom attendees.
> > > >
> > > > FLY BY.
> > > > Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk
>in
> > >and
> > > > check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
>and
> > > > come
> > > > back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
>become
> > > > suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
> > > >
> >
> >_________________________________________________________________
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