GO AHEAD AND LAUGH A LITTLE.  ITS FREE 
This is a good one! 
> THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS  
> By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY 
>  
> I hate this time of year.  Not for its crass  commercialism and forced 
> frivolity, but because  it's the season when the food police come  out 
>  with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the  
> holidays without gaining 10 pounds.  You can't pick  up a magazine 
> without finding a list of holiday  eating do's and don'ts.  Eliminate 
> second  helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they  
> say.  Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.   Good grief.  Is your 
> favorite childhood memory  of Christmas a carrot stick?  I didn't think 
>  so.  Isn't mine, either.  A carrot was something you left for  Rudolph. 
> I have my own list of tips for holiday  eating.  I assure you, if you 
> follow them,  you'll be fat and happy.  So what if you don't make it to 
> New Year's?  Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.  
> 
> 1. About those carrot  sticks.  Avoid them.  Anyone who puts carrots on 
> a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.   In fact, 
> if you see carrots, leave  immediately.  Go next door, where they're 
>  serving rum balls. 
> 
> 2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly.  Like fine  
> single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even  rarer than 
> single-malt scotch.  You can't find  it any other time of year but now. 
> So drink  up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's  
> not as if you're going to turn into an egg- nogaholic or  something. 
> It's a treat.  Enjoy it.  Have  one for me.  Have two.  It's later than 
>  you think.  It's Christmas! 
> 
> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole  point of 
> gravy.  Pour it on.  Make a  volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill 
> it  with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat. 
>  
> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're  made with skim milk or 
> whole milk.  If it's  skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a 
> sports car with an automatic transmission. 
> 
> 5. Do not have a snack before going to  a party in an effort to control 
> your eating.   The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat 
> other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?   Remember college? 
> 
> 6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New 
> Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else  to do. 
> This is the time for long naps, which you'll  need after circling the 
> buffet table while carrying  a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of 
>  eggnog. 
> 
> 7. If you come  across something really good at a buffet table, like 
> frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,  position 
> yourself near them and don't budge.   Have as many as you can before 
> becoming the center  of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of 
> shoes.  You can't leave them behind.  You're not going to  see them 
> again. 
>  
> 8. Same for pies.  Apple.  Pumpkin.   Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. 
> Or, if you  don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. 
> Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than  one 
> dessert?  Labor Day? 
> 
> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake?   Granted, it's loaded with the 
> mandatory celebratory  calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have 
> some standards, mate. 
> 
> 10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave  the 
> party or get up from the table, you haven't  been paying attention. 
> Reread tips.  Start  over.  But hurry!  Cookieless January is just 
> around the corner. 
>