>  -----Original Message-----
> From:  Rowan, Brenda
> Sent: Monday, April 16, 2001 12:06 PM
> To: Smith, Charles
> Subject:
>
> - Texian's  Driving Etiquette -
> > > > >
> > > > > Dim  your headlights for approaching vehicles, even  if
> > > > > the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
> > > > >
> > > > > Do  not  lay  rubber  while  traveling  in  a   funeral
> > > > > procession.
> > > > >
> > > > > Do  not remove the seats from the car so that all  your
> > > > > kids can fit in.
> > > > >
> > > > > Never   relieve   yourself  from  a   moving   vehicle,
> > > > > especially when driving.
> > > > >
> > > > > Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
> > > > >
> > > > > When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with  the
> > > > > largest tires always has the right of way.
> > > > >
> > > > > When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
> > > > > is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's  Personal Hygiene -
> > > > >
> > > > > If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change  the
> > > > > sheets.
> > > > >
> > > > > Plucking  unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work.  A
> > > > > cigarette  lighter and a small tolerance for  pain  can
> > > > > accomplish the same goal and save hours.
> > > > >      Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water
> > > > >      handy when using this method.
> > > > >
> > > > > Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never  be
> > > > > a hand-me-down item.
> > > > >
> > > > > While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a  job
> > > > > that  should be done in private using one's  OWN  truck
> > > > > keys.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Dinning Out -
> > > > >
> > > > > Remember  to  leave a generous tip  for  good  service.
> > > > > After  all,  their mobile home costs just  as  much  as
> > > > > yours.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Entertaining in Your Home -
> > > > >
> > > > > A  centerpiece for the table should never  be  anything
> > > > > prepared by a taxidermist.
> > > > >
> > > > > Do  not  allow  the dog to eat at the table .  .  .  no
> > > > > matter how good his manners are.
> > > > >
> > > > > If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have  the
> > > > > decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Dating (Outside the Family) -
> > > > >
> > > > > Always  offer to bait your date's hook,  especially  on
> > > > > the first date.
> > > > >
> > > > > Be  aggressive. Let her know you are interested:  "I've
> > > > > been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff
> > > > > on the men's bathroom wall two years a go."
> > > > >
> > > > > If  a  girl's  name  does not  appear  regularly  on  a
> > > > > bathroom  wall, water tower, or an overpass,  odds  are
> > > > > good that the date will end in frustration.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Theater Etiquette -
> > > > >
> > > > > Crying  babies should be taken to the lobby and  picked
> > > > > up immediately after the movie has ended.
> > > > >
> > > > > Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
> > > > > have proven they can't hear you.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Wedding Etiquette -
> > > > >
> > > > > A  bridal veil made of window screen is not  only  cost
> > > > > effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
> > > > >
> > > > > For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with
> > > > > a  cummerbund  and a clean bowling shirt can  create  a
> > > > > natty  appearance.  Though uncomfortable,  say  yes  to
> > > > > socks and shoes for this special occasion.
> > > > >
> > > > > Its  is  not okay for the groom to bring a  date  to  a
> > > > > wedding.
> > > > >
> > > > > Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > > > >
> > > > > When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how
> > > > > hot it is.
> > > > >
> > > > > - Texian's Etiquette for All Occasions -
> > > > >
> > > > > Always identify people in your yard before shooting  at
> > > > > them.
> > > > >
> > > > > Always  provide  an  alibi to  the  police  for  family
> > > > > members.
> > > > >
> > > > > Always  say "Excuse me" after getting sick  in  someone
> > > > > else's car.
> > > > >
> > > > > Even  if  you're certain that you are included  in  the
> > > > > will,  it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul  to  the
> > > > > funeral home.
> > > > >
> > > > > It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > > > >
> > > > > Never  take  a beer to a job interview or ask  if  they
> > > > > press charges.
>
>       Brenda Rowan
> *Phone:  (512) 446-8340
> *Phone-in-network:  8-329-8340
> *Fax:  (512) 446-8721
> e-*  Brenda.Rowan@Alcoa.com
>