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At Homecoming 2000, the BETA TENT had the biggest crowd by far.  Stay connected and consider a future homecoming BETA reunion.  It's incredible...forget the 20 years in between...everyone just seems to pick it up right where they left off years ago.



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From: "Gerry Titus" <buxelbow@nexet.net>
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Cc: "Tracey" <Johnwho@netrax.net>, "Paul" <parcher464@aol.com>,        "LTJG patrick" <kellerpa@russell.navy.mil>,        "John Titus" <jtitus@chesterfield.k12.va.us>,        "Jim Towe" <jimt@toweinsurance.com>, "Jim Simons" <jimmers14@aol.com>,        "Jim Mcahon" <Casanature@aol.com>, "Jim Dickerson" <jimd@nexet.net>,        "Ig" <igo@slip.net>, "Gary F" <GMFC1@aol.com>,        "Clarke, Mike" <MEC2W@hscmail.mcc.virginia.edu>,        "Bud" <Golfnbud@aol.com>, "Bill Anda" <banda@mr-monticello.com>
Subject: beer troubleshooting
Date: Wed, 19 Sep 2001 21:51:28 -0400
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 Beer Troubleshooting

 SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
 FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
 ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.


 SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
 FAULT: Improper bladder control.
 ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog and complain about house training.


 SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
 FAULT: Glass empty.
 ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


 SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
 FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
 ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.


 SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
 FAULT: You have fallen forward.
 ACTION: See above.


 SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
 FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
 ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.


 SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
 FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
 ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.


 SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
 FAULT: You are being carried out.
 ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.


 SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
 FAULT: Bar has closed.
 ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender then take taxi home.


 SYMPTOM: Front view suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
  FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
 ACTION: Cover mouth.


 SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
 FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
 ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy looking.


 SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
 FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
 ACTION: Punch him.

 SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind is unusually clear.
 FAULT: You have been in a fight.
 ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

 SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
 FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
 ACTION: See if they have free beer.

 SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
 FAULT: The beer is too weak.
 ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

 SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
 FAULT: Beer is just right.
 ACTION: Play air guitar.

 SYMPTOM: Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.
 FAULT: Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong
 door.
 ACTION: Knock loudly on door to wake companions inside. If this
 fails, find hotel worker  to unlock door for you.