Are these Enron employees?
----- Forwarded by Jon Trevelise/Houston/Eott on 10/24/2001 09:44 AM -----


	Robin Border 10/24/2001 08:28 AM 	   To: Lance Nash/Houston/Eott@Eott, Joe Richards/Houston/Eott@Eott, Jon Trevelise/Houston/Eott@Eott, Molly Sample/Houston/Eott@Eott, Susan Ralph/Houston/Eott@Eott  cc:   Subject: Darwin Awards	


>It's that time again.....  They are finally out again.
>
>You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's  an annual honor given to
>the person who did the gene pool the biggest  service by killing
>themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last  year's winner
>was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled  over on
>top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
>
>And the nominees are:
>
>9. A young Canadian man,  searching for a way of getting drunk
>cheaply, because he had no money with  which to buy alcohol, mixed
>gasoline with milk. Not  surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
>and he vomited into the  fireplace in his house. This resulting
>explosion and fire burned his house  down, killing both him and his
>sister.
>
>8. A  34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
>died of  suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2"
>tall and weighed  225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white
>bra, black and white  saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared
>that he was trying to create a  schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also
>wearing a military gas mask that had  the filter canister removed and
>a rubber hose attached in its place. The  other end of the hose was
>connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube  approx. 12" long and 3"
>in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into  his rectum for
>reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police  found
>the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
>very awkward.
>
>7. Three Brazilian men were flying  in a light aircraft at low
>altitude when another plane approached. It  appears that they decided
>to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost  control of their
>own aircraft and crashed. They were all found  dead in the wreckage
>with their pants around their ankles.
>
>6.  A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no
>details before arriving, except that someone had reported that his
>father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
>face  down on the couch naked. When she rolled him over to check for a
>pulse and  to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals.
>After the  ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was declared
>dead on arrival at  the hospital - the police made a closer inspection
>of the couch, and noticed  that the man had made a hole between the
>cushions. Upon flipping the couch  over, they discovered what had
>caused his death. Apparently, the man had a  habit of putting his penis
>between the cushions, down into the hole and  between two electrical
>sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious  reasons).
>According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out
>one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
>
>5. A  27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway
>near  Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her
>passenger and  killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this
>would not have  qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the
>fact that the  driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi
>key ring, which had  started urgently beeping for food as she drove
>along. In an attempt to press  the correct buttons to save the
>Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own.
>
>4. A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after  he tried to
>use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad  trestle.
>Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a
>bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
>anchored  the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped
>and hit the  pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
>investigators think  Barcia was alone because his car was found
>nearby.
>"The length of the  cord that he had assembled was greater than the
>distance between the trestle  and the ground," Carmichael said. Police
>say the apparent cause of death was  "Major trauma."
>
>3. A man in Alabama died from  rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
>and a friend were playing a game of  catch, using the rattlesnake as a
>ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin  Awards candidate, was
>hospitalized.
>
>2. Employees  in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
>smell of a gas leak.  Sensibly, management evacuated the building
>extinguishing all potential  sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
>After the building had been  evacuated, two technicians from the gas
>company were dispatched. Upon  entering the building, they found they
>had difficulty navigating in the  dark. To their frustration, none of
>the lights worked.
>Witnesses later  described the sight of one of the technicians
>reaching into his pocket and  retrieving an object that resembled a
>cigarette lighter. Upon operation of  the lighter like object, the gas
>in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces  of it up to three miles
>away.
>Nothing was found of the technicians, but  the lighter was virtually
>untouched by the explosion. The technician  suspected of causing the
>blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his  peers.
>
>
>And the  winner ...
>
>The Arizona Highway Patrolman came upon a pile of smoldering  metal
>embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex
>of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but
>it  was a car.
>The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally
>figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy
>had  somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off -
>actually a solid  fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military
>transport planes an extra  "push" for taking off from short airfields.
>He had driven his Chevy Impala  out into the desert and found a long
>and straight stretch of road.  Then he attached the JATO unit to his
>car, jumped in, got up some speed and  fired off the JATO! The facts
>as best as could be determined are that the  operator of the 1967
>Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of  approximately 3.0 miles
>from the crash site. This was established by the  prominent scorched
>and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if  operating properly,
>would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds,  causing the Chevy
>to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing  at full
>power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be
>pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved
>for  dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to
>become  insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the
>automobile  remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
>seconds)before  the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
>blowing the tires and  leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface,
>then becoming airborne for  an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the
>cliff face at a height of 125 feet  leaving a blackened crater 3 feet
>deep in the rock. Most of the driver's  remains were not recoverable;
>however, small fragments of bone, teeth and  hair were extracted from
>the crater and fingernail and bone shards were  removed from a piece
>of debris believed to be a portion of the steering  wheel.
>
>Epilogue: It has been postulated that this moron nearly reached  Mach
>I, attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph. Voila'.