Hope this doesn't offend you.

TC

[Unable to display image] Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and
a wife?
A: 45 lbs
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend & a husband?
A: 45 minutes
Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: sexual harassment
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.
Q: Why did caveman pull their women around by their hair?
A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud
Q: What's it when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you
done    wrong?
A: You made her chain too long
Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark & complain.
Q: What is the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What have men & floor tiles have in common?  A: If you lay them properly
the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Q: Why is it so hard for women to find a sensitive, caring and good looking
man?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: What is the difference between a new husband & a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  A: The
same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during an orgasm.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry  a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen  donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: The girl who can eat the last donut.
Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
refrigerator.
Q: What is the difference between a battery & a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.