> Subject: IRAN vs. IRELAND
>
> Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
> his telephone rang.
>
> "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down
> at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
> are officially declaring war on you!"
>
> "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
> your army?"
>
> "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
> my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from
> the pub. That makes eight!"
>
> Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my
> army waiting to move on my command."
>
> "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
>
> Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
> still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
>
> "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
>
> "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
>
> Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
> 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
> million since we last spoke."
>
> "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
>
> Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
> still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
> Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
> boys from the Shamrock pub have joined us as well!"
>
> Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
> you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
> military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
> And
> since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
>
> "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
>
> Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
> Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
>
> "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
>
> "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
> there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
>
>