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 >    Idiot #1
 >    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
 poison control center.  Today, this woman called in very upset because she
 caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the
 ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
 the hospital.  She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
 to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
 >    kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
 Emergency room right away.
 >    Here's your sign lady.  Wear it with pride.
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 2
 >    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
 steal a life raft from one of the 747s.  They were successful in getting it
 out of the plane and home.  When they took it for a float on the river, a
 >    Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them.  It turned
 out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which
 activated when the raft was inflated.  They are no longer employed at
 >    Boeing.  
 >    Here's your sign guys.  Don't get it wet, the paint might run.
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 3
 >    A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
 Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.  Put
 all your muny in this bag."  While standing in line, waiting to give his
 note to
 >    the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note
 and might call the police before he reached the teller window.  So he left
 the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a
 few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.  He read
 it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
 light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
 because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
 either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
 America.  Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.  He was
 arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
 America.
 >    Don't bother with this guy's sign.  He probably couldn't read it
 anyway.
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 4
 >    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
 measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.  He later received
 in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.  Instead of payment, he
 sent the police department a photograph of $40.  Several days later, he
 received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time
 of handcuffs.  He immediatly mailed in his $40.
 >    Another sign (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking
 about)!
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 5
 >    Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
 the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
 robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wantedbehind the counter on the shelf.
 >    He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and
 said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but
 the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.  At
 this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave
 it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in
 fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the
 store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
 name and address of the robber that he got off the license.  They arrested
 the robber two hours later.
 >    (Remind me to have more signs printed up.  Give this guy his!)
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 6
 >    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
 revolvers.  The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
 the startled first bandit shot him.
 >    (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.)
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 7
 >    Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided
 that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
 booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
 at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
 the head, knocking him unconscious.  Seems the liquor store window was made
 of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.  
 >    (Oh, that smarts.  Give him his sign!)
 >    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 >    Idiot # 8
 >    Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
 into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a gun and
 demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
 the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings,
 the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated,
 walked away. >>


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