You guys might need to know this?..



        Five (5) Questions Most Feared By Men:

         1. What are you thinking about?
         2. Do you love me?
         3. Do I look fat?
         4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
         5. What would you do if I died?

         What makes these questions so difficult is that
         every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument
         if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,tells the truth).
Therefore,
         as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along
with
         possible responses.

     ____________________________________________________

         Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

         The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry
         if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a
         warm,  wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you
are,
         and how lucky I am to havemet you."

         This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
answer,
         which most likely is one of the following:

            a. Baseball.

            b. Football.

            c. How fat you are.

            d. How much prettier she is than you.

            e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

         Perhaps the best response to this question was
         offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to
         know what  I was thinking, I would be talking to you."

    _______________________________________________


        Question # 2: Do you love me?


        The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more
        detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

        Inappropriate responses include:

          a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.

          b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

          c. That depends on what you mean by love.

          d. Does it matter?

          e. Who, me?

     ____________________________________________________

        Question # 3: Do I look fat?

         The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

         Among the incorrect answers are:

         a. Compared to what?

         b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

         c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

         d. I've seen fatter.

         e. Could you repeat the question? I was jus thinking
            about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

    ___________________________________________________

         Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

         Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
         "Of course not!"

         Incorrect responses include:

         a. Yes, but you have a better personality

         b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner

         c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age

         d. Define pretty

         e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking
            about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

     ____________________________________________________

        Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

         A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course,
         is "Buy a Corvette and a boat").

         No matter how you answer this, be prepared for
         at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually
         along the these lines:

         WOMAN: Would you get married again?

         MAN: Definitely not!

         WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?

         MAN: Of course I do.

         WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

         MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

         WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

         MAN: ( makes audible groan )

         WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

         MAN: Where else would we sleep?

         WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace
         them with pictures of her?

        MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

        WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

        MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

        WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

        MAN: shit.





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