---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 11/20/2000 
01:08 PM ---------------------------


Shirley Crenshaw
11/16/2000 09:53 AM
To: bobb.supertravel@wspan.com, audrau@yahoo.com, Memaw1995@aol.com, 
Kathy.Crenshaw@inteq.com @ Enron, Kayla Crenshaw/Enron Communications@Enron 
Communications, Carol_Fuentes@EOTT.com, IMYoars@aol.com, Vince J 
Kaminski/HOU/ECT@ECT, emlea@usa.net, Marie Thibaut/Enron Communications@Enron 
Communications, hmel5345@aol.com
cc:  
Subject: 

These are coming out of the walls and some are very funny!

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE 

                          To the citizens of the United States of America: In 
the light of your failure to
                          elect a president of the U.S.A. and thus to govern 
yourselves, we hereby
                          give notice of the revocation of your independence, 
effective today. Her
                          Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume 
monarchial duties over
                          all states, commonwealths and other territories 
(except Utah, which she
                          does not fancy). Your new prime minister (The rt. 
hon. Tony Blair, MP for
                          the 97.85 percent of you who have until now been 
unaware that there is a
                          world outside your borders) will appoint a minister 
for America without the
                          need for further elections. Congress and the Senate 
will be disbanded. A
                          questionnaire will be circulated next year to 
determine whether any of you
                          noticed. To aid in the transition to a British 
Crown Dependency, the
                          following rules are introduced with immediate 
effect: 

                             1.You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford 
English Dictionary.
                               Then look up "aluminum." Check the 
pronunciation guide. You will
                               be amazed at just how wrongly you have been 
pronouncing it.
                               Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to 
acceptable levels.
                               Look up "vocabulary." Using the same 27 words 
interspersed with
                               filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is 
an unacceptable and
                               inefficient form of communication. Look up 
"interspersed." 

                             2.There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We 
will let Microsoft know
                               on your behalf. 

                             3.You should learn to distinguish the English 
and Australian
                               accents. It really isn't that hard. 

                             4.Hollywood will be required occasionally to 
cast English actors as
                               the good guys. 

                             5.You should relearn your original national 
anthem, "God Save The
                               Queen," but only after fully carrying out task 
1. We would not want
                               you to get confused and give up halfway 
through. 

                             6.You should stop playing American "football." 
There is only one kind
                               of football. What you refer to as American 
"football" is not a very
                               good game. The 2.15 percent of you who are 
aware that there is a
                               world outside your borders may have noticed 
that no one else
                               plays "American" football. You will no longer 
be allowed to play it,
                               and should instead play proper football. 
Initially, it would be best if
                               you played with the girls. It is a difficult 
game. Those of you brave
                               enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby 
(which is similar to
                               American "football," but does not involve 
stopping for a rest every
                               20 seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour 
like nancies). We
                               are hoping to get together at least a U.S. 
rugby sevens side by
                               2005. 
                           
                             7.July 4th is no longer a public holiday. 
November 8th will be a new
                               national holiday, but only in England. It will 
be called "Indecisive
                               Day." 

                             8.All American cars are hereby banned. They are 
crap and it is for
                               your own good. When we show you German cars, 
you will
                               understand what we mean. 

                            9.Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been 
driving us crazy. 

                          Thank you for your cooperation.