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Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 21:44:37 EST
Subject: Fwd: To the citizens of the United States of America
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Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2000 15:27:39 -0800
From: "Reilly, Tim PENC:EX" <Tim.Reilly@gems5.gov.bc.ca>
Subject: To the citizens of the United States of America
To: "'ddelain@aol.com'" <ddelain@aol.com>
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To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP,
for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
at

just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you  should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
Using the
same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as  "like"
and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of  communication.  Look
up
"interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.

6. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
your
own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

7. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

 Thank you for your cooperation.