Sorry Mo....certainly didn't mean to bum you out.  I'm a torrent of mixed feelings today.  Between job prospects, my cold and coming to grips with some of the past i've just been a little detached from myself.  I was also in the midst of a taxing conversation with ted when we were IM'ing and it was bringing back stuff too.  I'm just struggling with this pattern of attaching myself to men who are ultimately either literally not available or emotionally not available.  and this whole mm not contacting me has got me very conflicted....b/c to be honest, i really hope he never contacts me again...but i also feel like him not contacting implies that he believes there is something wrong with even our casual interaction (and i'm not disagreeing), which ultimately makes me feel guilty and rotten.  so anyway...i think i just want something to come along that feels good..whether that be a job,a guy,a location, a massage...whatever.  i'm just very disappointed with mediocrity.  i feel luke warm about too many things.  

and the partying comment didn't make me think of us reverting...it merely made me think of mm and a past conversation we had at a point i could have maybe kept things from going too far.  

give me a buzz tonight when you get home...i'll probably feel tons better after a little nourishment.




 -----Original Message-----
From: 	"Monique Sanchez" <moshuffle@hotmail.com>@ENRON  
Sent:	Tuesday, March 05, 2002 4:00 PM
To:	Scott, Susan M.
Subject:	yo

So i was kind bummed after talkin to ya on IM.  I'm at DV now..about to
start work.  You know...we have both made a lot of progress.  I'm glad we
have been there for each other thru all of this.  Maybe I'm bummed that when
I made the comment you immediately thought the worst...not that you see us
going back to where we were..but that it brought things back so quickly and
that perhaps you could see you or me reverting back to old ways.  And that
part of my life still feels like a fresh wound. I realize that I am still
struggling with things..and while I respect that I have come far...I know I
still have to make good choices on a daily basis with my life and live with
integrity.  Coming back to H will be very interesting for me...I can only
hope for the best and that the experience of being away and having time to
think has made a difference for me.
Take care, I know you are sick and out of sorts today. HOpe you feel better,
Mo.

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