(You know you haven't sent me any funnies in a while either.  I'll let it go 
for now since you're working so hard...but you're going to have to deliver at 
some point.)


 1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer:  "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, 
because if we were supposed to live     forever, then we would live forever, 
but we cannot live forever,  which is why I would not live
  forever."                  ---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

  2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
 world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but
 not with all those flies and death and stuff."
                  ---Mariah Carey

  3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
 same reactions in the brain as marijuana.  The researchers also discovered
 other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
                ---Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

  4.  "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the 
law."
               ---David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations 
that he failed to pay his taxes.

  5. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of 
your life."          
   ---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a 
federal anti-smoking campaign.

  6.  "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
           ---Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward

  7.  "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates 
in the country."           
   ---Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

  8.  "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
       ---Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

  9.  "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are 
the president."
              ---Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed 
documents.

  10. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
              ---Former French President Charles De Gaulle

  11. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, 
and I'm just the one to do it."
              ---A Congressional Candidate in Texas

  12.  "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the 
impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
              ---Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

  13. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public 
mind."
              ---General William Westmoreland

  And last but not least -- a parting word from
 Dan Quayle:

  14. "I love California.  I practically grew up in Phoenix."