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From:  <wtruxillo@hotmail.com>
To: arthur.goldsmith@att.net, bsnyder1@txu.com, chendrix@ev1.net, gtrimble01@yahoo.com, heath.kendall@worldnet.att.net, jack@safetyalert.com, jgalura@intergen.com, lhinrich@swbell.net, Lmfoust@aol.com, newhatley@earthlink.net, schan5@houston.rr.com
Date: Monday, February 25, 2002 2:34:37 GMT
Subject: 


>
>MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR FOLKS LIVING IN ARKANSAS
>
>GENERAL
>Never take beer to a job interview.
>Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>It's considered tacky to take a cooler into a church.
>If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still
>considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
>DINING OUT
>When decanting wine, make sure you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so 
>as
>not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.
>If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
>covering the label.
>
>ENTERTAINING AT HOME
>A proper centerpiece for the table should not be anything prepared by a
>taxidermist.
>Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners 
>are.
>
>PERSONAL HYGIENE
>While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done 
>in
>private using one's OWN truck keys.
>Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
>If you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as it tends to
>detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
>
>DATING (outside the family)
>Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>Be attentive. Let her know you're interested in her: "I've been wanting to 
>go
>out with you since I read all that stuff on the wall of the mens' room at 
>the
>Conoco station."
>Establish with her parents what time she is expected to be home. Some will
>say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If it is the latter, remember: it 
>is
>the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>
>THEATER ETIQUETTE
>Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after
>the movie has ended.
>Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they
>can't hear you.
>
>WEDDINGS
>Generally, livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>Kissing the bride for more than ten seconds may get you shot.
>For the groom, at least, rent a tuxedo. A leisure suit, even with a 
>cummerbun
>and a clean bowling shirt, will create a tacky appearance.
>Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special 
>occasion.
>
>DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if  when you have a deer
>in sight.
>When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always
>has the right of way.
>Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
>When sending your wife down the highway with a gas can because you've run 
>out
>of gas, it is impolite to ask her to bring you back a six-pack of beer.
>Do not burn rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


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