---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 03/09/2000 
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Ludkam@aol.com on 03/09/2000 12:09:17 AM
To: Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT@ECT, VKaminski@aol.com
cc:  
Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: FW: Joys of Flying!]






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Date: Wed, 08 Mar 2000 17:04:11 -0500
From: Marta Krawczyk <martus@worldnet.att.net>
Reply-To: martus@att.net
Organization: My Kentucky Home
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To: "Marla K. Burns" <burnsmk@worldnet.att.net>, ludkam@aol.com
Subject: [Fwd: FW: Joys of Flying!]
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a to zarciki od mojego dziecka
m

Piotr Krawczyk wrote:

> -----Original Message-----
> From:   ykl0089@labs.tamu.edu [SMTP:ykl0089@labs.tamu.edu]
> Sent:   Thursday, February 17, 2000 7:51 AM
> To:     Blair Myers; Piotr Krawczyk; A.L. Lubawy" <lubawy@rice.edu; Peg & 
Ron Nutt; Saima Ismaili; theresa; benji
> Subject:        Joys of Flying!
>
> Subject:  Fwd: Joys of Flying!
>
> These are funny!!!!!!!!!
>
> Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
> "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a
> bit more entertaining.
>
> Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
>
> 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50
> ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
> this airplane..."
>
> 2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,
> so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to
> move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till
> we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the
> wings it affects the flight pattern."
>
> 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
> Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much
> as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
>
> 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
> National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
> fella. WHOA!"
>
> 5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
> Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
> "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
> because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything
> has shifted."
>
> 6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard
> Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert
> the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
> like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to
> operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
> unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
> oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
> grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a
> small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
> assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small
> children, decide now which one you love more.
>
> 7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
> clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
> Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more
> than Southwest Airlines."
>
> 8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the
> event of an emergency water landing, please take them with
> our compliments."
>
> 9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
> of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
> evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
> children or spouses."
>
> 10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
>
> 11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
> to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...
> Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
>
> 12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
> Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final
> approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an
> extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA
> and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.
> Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while
> the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
>
> 13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
> landing:
> "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
> us to the terminal."
>
> 14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
> had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline
> had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
> door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
> "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his
> bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
> eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally,
> everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
> with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?"
> "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old
> lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
>
> 15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
> Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in
> your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
> aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once
> the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
> we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
> wreckage to the terminal.
>
> 16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
> like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
> time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in
> a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at
> US Airways."