SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous
on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water
glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning
of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.  He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he
found the following note on the door:

1.  Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2.  There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3.  There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4.  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7.  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not
referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
8.  David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9.  When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he
said,"Take this and eat it for it is my body."  He did not
say, Eat me"
12.  The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13.  The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14.  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.


The origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings
good luck to everyone who passes it on.  The one who breaks the
chain will have bad luck. Do not keep this letter.  Do not send money.
Just forward it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck.  You
will  see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain
is not broken.

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to
please everyone..."
- Bill Cosby...

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