From Bev.  Pretty good stuff.
---------------------- Forwarded by Kay Mann/Corp/Enron on 08/16/2000 09:08 
AM ---------------------------


Lrover52@aol.com on 08/16/2000 07:59:54 AM
To: BAnderson@chartertitle.com, GGB53@aol.com, Galloway@wt.net, 
marylynn@austin.rr.com, KAY.MANN@enron.com, SLEIGHDRVR@aol.com
cc:  

Subject: Fwd: Visitor's Guide to Houston, TX/from the Pennsylvania Galloways!!

Hi to all our Houston buddies,

this is really cute.  Scary how true it seems.  Enjoy.

Bev

----- Message from CarolynSMU@aol.com on Tue, 15 Aug 2000 20:33:41 EDT -----
To:	LFBuckley@aol.com, Chapmae@wellsfargo.com, jfilla04@swbell.net, 
Candigf@aol.com, Lrover52@aol.com, L_Sue_Hall@email.Mobil.com, 
DF1MARTIN@aol.com, patnward@ktc.com, PMOOREDDS@aol.com, BarbnHaven@aol.com, 
PATSEEANNE@cs.com, LSynatschk@aol.com, jtankersley@earthlink.net, 
Barpw@aol.com
Subject:	Fwd: Visitor's Guide to Houston, TX
 

----- Message from DAJSMU@aol.com on Tue, 15 Aug 2000 17:47:57 EDT -----
To:	jbmi@compuserv.com, CarolynSMU@aol.com, abkrebs@swbell.net
Subject:	Fwd: Visitor's Guide to Houston, TX
 

----- Message from MAIDMARILYN@cs.com on Mon, 14 Aug 2000 20:22:20 EDT -----
To:	DANASHE@aol.com, waverunner@compuserve.com, 
marilyn_k_gardiner@email.mobil.com, RKMEH@aol.com, DAJSMU@aol.com, 
SYMMONDS1@aol.com, Marilnn99@aol.com
Subject:	Fwd: Visitor's Guide to Houston, TX
 

----- Message from "D & S Varner" <dvarner@brazosport.cc.tx.us> on Tue, 8 Aug 
2000 09:20:09 -0600 -----
To:	"Earl" <ehawkins@home.com>, "Leslie and Jon Symmonds" <SYMMONDS1@aol.com>, 
<MAIDMARILYN@cs.com>, "Harry and Joy Gardiner" <harrynjoy@webtv.net>
Subject:	Visitor's Guide to Houston, TX
Sent by Barbara Bundick
 
VISITORS' GUIDE TO HOUSTON, TX
(To enable our many visitors to cope with life in America's Fourth Largest
City)

1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is YEWS-TUN and it
does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own
version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Houston is composed
entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of the center of town
is to turn around and start over when you reach Dallas, Texas.

3. All directions start with, "Go down Westheimer..."

4. Westheimer has no beginning and no end.

5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you
started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".

6. The 8 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from
3:30 to 7:15 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Houston.

8. Reversible Lanes are not understood by anybody.

9. A native Houstonian is the only one who can pronounce Kuykendahl Road, so
do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will simply tilt their
heads to the right and stare at you.

10. The falling of one raindrop or (God forbid) one snowflake causes all
traffic to immediately cease; so will daylight savings time and a girl
applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.

11. Construction on the Gulf Freeway is a way of life, and a permanent form
of entertainment.

12. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh,
we're in Montrose!!"

13. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close
down all lanes except one during rush hour.

14. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at
the factory where the car was made.

15. Understand that the 95 pound woman driving the Ford Excursion (the
largest vehicle ever produced) absolutely MUST come to a complete stop, then
proceed at 2.5 mph over any railroad track. What's the deal? This vehicle
was built to invade small countries, and she's worried about the railroad
tracks!!

16. All ladies with blue hair who drive Cadillacs or Lincoln Continentals
have the right of way.

17. The above mentioned blue haired ladies also have a legal right to turn
right from a left lane or to turn left from a right lane. YOU HAVE BEEN
WARNED!

18. White haired men driving red or silver sports cars will not obey any
known traffic rule and cannot be expected to stop for red lights or stop
signs.

19. Buying a Houston street map is a waste of money since there is
absolutely no way that you can route yourself in such a manner as to avoid
major road construction.

20. Buying a Houston street map is a waste of money since the termination or
continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Streets
Department of the City. It has been determined that the length of any street
on any given day is a mystery known only to "Higher Powers" in the
department, and it is rumored that they do not speak to mere mortals.

21. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the numerous recent
residents of an amazing ethnic diversity. It will be of no help at all for
finding the address you seek.

22. If searching for a street on the southwest side of Houston, a knowledge
of Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese is somewhere between helpful and
mandatory, since the street signs are printed in one of these languages
along with English. However, often the English name for the street has been
removed.

23. Houston natives are so rare that they are listed on the endangered
species list. The few remaining specimens are kept in a controlled
environment for their own safety.

24. "Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a
remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. You
can safely address anyone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" in Houston as in other
southern cities.

25. "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss". So is "Honey". Do
not take offence. This is how southerners address grown women.

26. In Houston we drink Coca-Cola and Dr. Pepper. It is rumored that other
soft drinks are sold here, but no one will admit to knowing anyone who
actually drinks them. So don't ask for any other soft drink.

27. What you need to know when arriving at Bush Intercontinental Airport:
Your arrival gate is at least 32 miles away from the Main Concourse of any
terminal. Walking heels on your boots or walking shoes are advised.

28. Wherever you are going will be on the other side of town. When
attempting to cross Houston, assume the trip will take a minimum of 4 hours
and can take as long as 24 hours.

29. If attempting to cross Houston via the freeway system, it is advisable
to carry a supply of Coca-Cola, water, a few sandwiches, and something to
read while waiting on the freeway for the traffic jam to clear. Some
moderately fast readers have been known to read a 1,000-page novel during
the course of one traffic jam. If attempting to cross Houston during rush
hour, additional provisions are advisable.

30. Never get on a Houston freeway without taking a restroom break first! It
may be a long time to the next break.

31. Never honk your horn at another car in Houston traffic. The bumper
sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading" is considered fair
warning.