-----Original Message-----
From: Heizenrader, Tim 
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 9:25 AM
To: Scholtes, Diana
Subject: RE: One Fish, Two Fish, Yellow Fish, Enron


Thanks! Seen this one?

Understanding Enron

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help take care of them and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

MEXICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you into the army.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The EU commission decides which regulations for feeding and milking apply. If there aren't any, they invent some. They pay you not to milk the cows. They take both cows, shoot one, milk the other and pour the milk down the drain. They then require you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

-----Original Message-----
From: Scholtes, Diana 
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 9:13 AM
To: Heizenrader, Tim
Subject: FW: One Fish, Two Fish, Yellow Fish, Enron




-----Original Message-----
From: Runswick, Stacy 
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 8:18 AM
To: Salisbury, Holden; Alonso, Tom; Fischer, Mark; Scholtes, Diana;
Crandall, Sean; Cutsforth, Diane; Wilson, Susie
Subject: FW: One Fish, Two Fish, Yellow Fish, Enron




-----Original Message-----
From: dlpatterson@reliant.com [mailto:dlpatterson@reliant.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 8:07 AM
To: Runswick, Stacy
Subject: One Fish, Two Fish, Yellow Fish, Enron


Enron, according to Dr. Seuss...

They exercised and sold, exercised and sold.
And told all the employees to hold.
While they made billions, they continued to say
Our company will be the greatest someday.

But lo and behold it would not come to pass.
It was all a fraud and scam most would call crass.
"How could it be true?" we all asked.
"All we do is buy and sell gas".

But to make their personal billions
They had to keep in the dark their minions.
So they lied and cheated, stole and cajoled
Analysts, investors, workers and sold and sold.

But they found out the scam
And put the company in quite a stew.
They told Ken and Andy "we have lost confidence".
Little did they know, that confidence is what cons do.

The old man in charge said "we all trust Andy, he's fine,
He made me my fortune and never charged a dime!"
Andy got paid to manage illegal partnerships you see,
And for that he collected thirty m! illion as his fee.

But the pressure was on, and Ken had to act.
He told Andy, "You must go on leave"
Is he still on the payroll we asked?
We get no answer. Seems Andy will be there to the last.

Ken restated his books, and oh the looks that
Were on the faces of all but the crooks.
The books had been cooked! Not one year, not two, not even three,
They had been cooked a total of four.
And many suspect even more!..

He went into the elevator, that old gas trader.
He hit floor fifty, where his offices reside.
With two armed guards standing at his side.

And so he rose to the top of 1400 Smith
And went into the boardroom forthwith.
There were the ghosts of Fastow, and Skilling.
Where with their cronies they devised great scams.
How to deceive, cheat, and steal millions of clams.

And with one more scam to do
He picked up the phone and called his friend Chuck.
"Chuck", he said, " I'm in quite a jam, can! you please
help me I got caught in my scam".
So old Chuck bit a nd came to Kens side,
First with some money and took Ken as his bride.

But that old scoundrel had played too many scams
This one he could not hide as Chucks lawyers and guides
Went over Ken's books and found such a surprise.

There were no trades, there were no counterparties.
There were no assets, there was no Christmas party.
And so Chuck went to Ken and said "Your company
Is a sham. It was all lies. I cannot merge with you.
Your firm is a rotting carcass festering with flies!

And so Ken thought. He thought and he thought.
He will file Chapter eleven and fire a lot.
Four thousand to be exact.
We thought he has lost gazillions,
but prior filing he managed to bonus
his friends fifty eight Million.

And so we are told, the company will be back.
A shell of itself but not quite the same.
The shell is appropriate as we all know,
The core business of Ken is a shell game.