That was pretty good!



	Becky Spencer
	02/06/2001 08:01 AM
		 
		 To: Tana Jones/HOU/ECT@ECT, Marie Heard/Enron Communications@Enron 
Communications, Susan Skarness/Enron@EnronXGate, Sandra R 
McNichols/HOU/ECT@ECT
		 cc: 
		 Subject: Rules for Cats

>Rules for Cats to Live By
>
>BATHROOMS:
>Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
>necessary to do anything.  Just sit and stare.
>
>
>DOORS:
>Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door
>open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.
>Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.
>After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand
>halfway in and out and think about several things.
>This is particularly important during very cold
>weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.
>
>
>CHAIRS AND RUGS:
>If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If
>you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If
>there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.  When throwing
>up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as
>long as a humans bare foot.
>
>HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some
>activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy
>one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as
>"hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
>
>1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left
>heel of the cook.  You cannot be seen and thereby
>stand a better chance of being stepped on and then
>picked up and comforted.
>
>2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
>between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the
>book itself.
>
>3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most
>appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the
>work as possible. Pretend to doze, but every so often
>reach out and slap the pencil or pen.
>
>4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes
>or Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper!
>First, sit on the paper being worked on.  When
>dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table.
>When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the
>papers, scattering them to the best of your ability.
>After being removed for the second time, push pens,
>pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.
>
>5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of
>him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper.
>Humans love to jump.
>
>6) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk,
>walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen
>and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering
>typing in progress.
>
>WALKING:
>As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
>possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs,
>when they have something in their arms, in the dark,
>and when they first get up in the morning. This will
>help their coordination skills.
>
>BEDTIME:
>Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
>move around.
>
>LITTER BOX:
>When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much
>litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the
>feel of kitty litter between their toes.
>
>HIDING:
>Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans
>cannot find you.  Do not come out for three to four
>hours under any circumstances. This will cause the
>humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you
>have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the
>humans will cover you with love and kisses and you
>will probably get a treat.
>
>ONE LAST THOUGHT:
>Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially
>their face, turn around, and present your butt to
>them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't
>forget guests.