If I were President George W. Bush's Speech Writer. By Mitchell R. Robb

Good evening my fellow Americans.
First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all
Americans that are hurting in this tragic time. You can rest assured that
anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country
will be done.
This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this
trying
time.
Now is the time for all people to set aside our petty differences and
show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the
American people.
To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this: Are you fucking
kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight?
Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking
with? Americans are so hungry to kill, that we shoot at each other every
day.
We will relish that opportunity for new targets for our aggression. Have you
forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started fucking
around with us? Remember the little yellow bastards over in Japan? We
slapped
them all over the Pacific and roasted about 2 million of them in their own
back yard. That's what we in America call a big ass barbecue. Ever seen
Texas
on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big? Because  we wanted it that way,
Mexico
started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut our lawns. England?
We
sent them packing. Ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good 'ole
USA. The only reason he got away the first time is because it's too hard to
shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't
trained to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of
cub scouts from taking over his shitty little country. Trust us, Afghanistan
will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try to hide, Bin Laden.
There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that's going to
keep
your camel riding asses safe. We will bomb every inch of the country that
harbors him, his camps and any place that looks and even smells like he was
there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on people that have pissed us
off
in the past. This is America. We kick ass. This is what we do. Go ahead and
laugh now, but the Tomahawks are coming and we will smoke your sorry asses.
God bless America!




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