----- Forwarded by Mark Palmer/Corp/Enron on 11/15/2000 08:57 AM -----

	Margaret Allen
	11/15/2000 08:53 AM
		 
		 To: mpalmer@enron.com
		 cc: 
		 Subject: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE 

Mark,  you must read this!  Very funny!

...from one of my limey friends....:)

>
>
>
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which
> she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
> world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
> the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be
> disbanded.  A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
> whether any of you noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
> amazed at just how wrong you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you
> should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words  interspersed with filler noises such as
> "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
> communication.  Look up "interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It
> really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
> the good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
> to get confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
> of football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays  "American" football.  You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a
> difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
> sevens side by 2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
> if they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The
> Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
> your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>

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