Intercepted Memo From Osama Bin Laden 
Here is a memo we have Intercepted from Osama Bin Laden to all of his
Cavemates. 


To: Cavemates

From: Bin Laden, Osama 

Sent: Monday, December 10, 2001 8:17 AM 

Subject: The Cave 

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours in this conflict but we've
finally come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for
putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one
that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we
are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly
I have a few concerns. 
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily.

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening. 
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while
we're taping. Thanks. 
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together. 
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying. 
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and the new guy Richard. 

Love you lots. 

Osama B.