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Weekly Humor:   Some evidence that the gene pool  may need a little chlorine:
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Sign in a gas station:  Coke -- 49 cents.  Two for a  dollar
     
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I was signing the  receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never  signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she  could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.  When I  asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the  credit card with the signature I just signed on the  receipt.
     
So I signed the credit card in front of  her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the  receipt.  As luck would have it, they matched.
      
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Warning!
     
At a grocery  store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card readers at the checkout  stands.  If you don't know how to orient your card to swipe it through the  reader, the checkout person will say, "Strip down, face toward  me."
     
Editor's Note:  Am I wrong, or is this  just asking for trouble?
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A  customer at a sub shop ordered "a small soda."  The owner responded, "I'm  sorry, sir, but we don't have small, just medium and large."  (Both cost 99  cents.)
     
The kicker came when the customer, a  rather well-dressed business type, disappointedly said, "Okay, I guess I'll just  have to have the medium then."
      
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Idiots and Geography:
      
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described  the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.  My boss said, "Really? Where  is Monosyllabia?"
     
Thinking that he was just  kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied,  "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
      
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Advice for Idiots:
     
An  actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook  for Employees."
     
"Blink your eyelids periodically  to lubricate your eyes."
      
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Idiots in the Neighborhood
      
I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the  local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing  sign on our road.
     
The reason:  Many deer  were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross  there.
     
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Idiots and  Computers:
     
My neighbor works in the operations  department in the central office of a large bank.  Employees in the field  call him when they have problems with their computers.  One night he got a  call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this  question:
     
"I've got smoke coming from the back  of my terminal.  Do you guys have a fire  downtown?"
     
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Idiots Are Easy To  Please
     
I was sitting in my science class, when  the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the  year.  My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping.   I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of  time.  Needless to say, she was very  disappointed.
     
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Idiots In Food  Services
     
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell  and ordered a taco.  She asked the individual behind the counter for  "minimal lettuce."  He said he was sorry, but they only had  iceberg.
     
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Idiots Do  Math:
     
A co-worker was telling us about her  sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays.  Someone asked how old  her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered,  "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always  remember."
     
So someone else (okay, it was me)  said, "That's neat...  So every year that you age, she only ages half a  year?"  My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess  it only works on even years."

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