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Date: Wed, 05 Dec 2001 08:28:37 -0600
From: "Dave Molnar" <DaveM@cajunusa.com>
To: "Mark Molnar" <MarkM@cajunusa.com>
Subject: Chris Simms brings balance to the force
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Many people are concerned with the state of Chris Simms confidence going into next season now that he has been benched for the bowl game.  There is no reason for panic as the scenario shall play out like this.  The Longhorns and Huskies will be tied at 28 late in the fourth quarter of the Holiday Bowl.  Applewhite will lead the Horns on a miraculous 50-yd drive down to the Washington 30-yd line with only 10 sec left on the clock.  Between plays Applewhite will look over at the Golden Boy standing on the sideline and recognize that the time is now for Simms to fulfill his Destiny.  As the Star Wars music plays in the background, Applewhite will lead the Horns up to the line of scrimmage.  In Obi-Wan Kenobi-to-Darth Vader fashion, Major will look across the line at the Huskies defense and say,"Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you could ever imagine."  As the ball is snapped, Major drops back in the pocket and then stands motionless, allowing the Huskies linebackers to pummel him.  Simms screams, "NO!!!" as Major lies motionless on the field.  Major is carted off the field with numerous broken bones while the Golden Boy takes his warm-up tosses on the sideline.  The clock sits at 4 seconds remaining as Simms trots onto the field.  Only enough time for one try at the endzone.  Simms walks to the line, takes the snap and begins to look over the field.  As Simms prepares to unload a blazing bullet pass right into the hands of a Washington safety, he hears Major's voice in his mind, "Use the force Chris, read the field".  The Golden Boy brings his throwing arm down, the Star Wars music plays once again, and Chris looks over the entire field for the first time since playing the School for the Blind back in Jersey.  Simms spots Roy Williams wide open, closes his eyes, and fires a 30 yd touchdown pass for the victory.  And hence the legend of the Golden Boy is alive and well.

Stay tuned for the next episode as Chris learns that his father is not ex-player/broadcaster Phil Simms, but is actually broadcaster Dennis Miller