Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?


A new updated version.....

 -----

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

DR. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let
it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion. We were justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forgot.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was a
threatening dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market.  Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
Integration Model(PIM),
Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge,
capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and
technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and
best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in
order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the
implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing
an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting,
enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically
based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and unified
market message and aligned with the chicken's mission,vision, and core
values.  This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. In summary, Andersen Consulting helped the chicken
manage change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there
was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own Eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did
NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
all over the place, anyway?"

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I will soon release the new Chicken Office 2002, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?
"Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we
overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected and evolved over time in such a way that they are now genetically
endowed with the capabilities required to cross roads.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one.

BILL CLINTON : I did not, repeat, did not have sexual relations with the
chicken.