In light of the recent press attention that Enron has received  . . . 

Social Studies: Some Useful Definitions

Feudalism
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.

Fascism
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

Applied Communism
You have two cows.
You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Totalitarianism
You have two cows.
The government takes them both and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.

Pure Democracy
You have two cows.
You and your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Mexican Democracy
You have two cows.
The government takes both and drafts you into the army.

Great Britain
You have two cows.
The government shoots one cow because it has Mad Cow.
The government comes back and shoots the other one because it has foot and mouth.

European Democracy
You have two cows
The EU commission decides which regulations for feeding and milking apply.
If there aren't any, they invent some.
They pay you not to milk the cows.
They take both cows, shoot one, milk the other and pour the milk down the drain.
They then require you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

American Democracy
The government promises to give you two cows, if you vote for it.
After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures.
The press dubs the affair "cowgate," but supports the president.
The cows sue you for breach of contract.
Your legal bills exceed your annual income.
You settle out of court and declare bankruptcy.

Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
Letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. -
No Balance Sheet provided with the release.