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From: "Liakakos, John" <JLiakako@cns.gov>
To: "'ACHRIST642@aol.com'" <ACHRIST642@aol.com>
Cc: "'Basile'" <opabasile@aol.com>, "Christian, Alfred" 
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Subject: One Liners
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 08:09:21 -0500
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 Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
 > > > > >
Ask your Mom.
====================================================
How do you know when you're really ugly?
> > > > > >
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
====================================================
What is the quickest way to clear out a mens restroom?
> > > > > >
Say, "Nice Dick"
=====================================================
How do you know when you're leading a sad life?
> > > > > >
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
=====================================================
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> > > > > >
Because they have cotton balls.
=====================================================
Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, What do single guys have?
> > > > > >
Palm Sunday
=====================================================
Why is being in the Military like a blowjob?
> > > > > >
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
=====================================================
What do you call a 90 year old man who can still masturbate?
> > > > > >
Miracle Whip
====================================================
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
> > > > >
Her Navel.
=====================================================
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
> > > > > >
A Bingo Machine.
=====================================================
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
> > > > > >
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
=====================================================
Why did God create alcohol?
> > > > > >
So ugly people could have sex too.
=====================================================
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> > > > > >
"Are you sure it's mine?"
=====================================================
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> > > > > >
Beer Nuts are $1.25, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
 =====================================================
What three two-letter words mean small?
> > > > > >
"Is It In?"
====================================================
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> > > > > >
Mace will do that to you.
=====================================================
If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do you
have?
> > > > > >
Divorce proceedings most likely.
 ======================================================
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
> > > > > >
Everyone has the same DNA.
======================================================
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman on Rodeo Drive and said "I
haven't
eaten anything in four days."

She looked at him and said, "God I wish I had your willpower."
 ======================================================
> > > > > > And some to offend Damn Near Everyone...........
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ======================================================
Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
> > > > > >
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
======================================================
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> > > > >
A speech impediment.
======================================================
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?

They're hiring.
======================================================
What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
> > > > > >
Men miss them all.
======================================================
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> > > > > >
Breasts don't have eyes.
======================================================
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
> > > >
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
======================================================
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."
======================================================
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.
======================================================
Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed. class uses it.
======================================================
What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along
with a recipe.
======================================================
How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say F*#@?

Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "Bingo"
======================================================
What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row row row your boat.
======================================================
What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time"
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

John Liakakos
Community Relations Specialist
Northeast Region- NCCC