YIDDISH HAIKU (17 syllables) 


>> After the warm rain 

>> the sweet smell of camellias. 

>> Did you wipe your feet? 

> 

> 

>> Her lips near my ear; 

>> Aunt Sadie whispers the name 

>> of her friend's disease. 

> 

> 

>> Looking for pink buds 

>> to prune, the old moyel 

>> wanders among his flowers. 

> 

> 

>> Today I am a man. 

>> Tomorrow I will return 

>> to the seventh grade. 

> 

> 

>> Harsh Scrabble discord -- 

>> someone has placed "putzhead" on 

>> a triple word score. 

> 

> 

>> Testing the warm milk 

>> on her wrist, she sighs softly. 

>> But her son is forty. 

> 

> 

>> The sparkling blue sea 

>> reminds me to wait an hour 

>> after my sandwich. 

> 

> 

>> Tea ceremony -- 

>> fragrant steam perfumes the air. 

>> Try the cheese danish. 

> 

>> Lacking fins or tail 

>> the gefilte fish swims with 

>> great difficulty. 

> 

> 

>> Lovely butterfly -- 

>> not long ago your name was 

>> Caterpillarstein. 

> 

> A cat steals into 

>> the night just like my former 

>> partner, that gonif. 

> 

> 

>> Yom Kippur -- Forgive 

>> me, Lord, for the Mercedes 

>> and all that lobster. 

> 

> 

>> Hey! Get back indoors. 

>> Whatever you were doing 

>> could put an eye out. 

> 

> 

>> In the ice sculpture 

>> reflected bar mitzvah guests 

>> nosh on chopped liver. 

> 

> 

>> Hidden connection -- 

>> starvation in Africa, 

>> food left on my plate. 

> 

> 

>> Like a bonsai tree, 

>> your terrible posture at 

>> my dinner table. 

> 

> 

>> Beyond Valium 

>> the peace of knowing one's child 

>> is an internist. 

> 

> 

>> Jews on safari -- 

>> map, compass, elephant gun, 

>> hard sucking candies. 

> 

> 

>> Coroner's report -- 

>> "The deceased, wearing no hat, 

>> caught his death of cold." 

> 

> 

>> The same kimono 

>> the top geishas are wearing: 

>> got it at Loehmann's. 

> 

> 

>> The sparrow brings home 

>> too many worms for her young. 

>> "Force yourself," she chirps. 

> 

> 

>> Jewish triathlon: 

>> gin rummy, then contract bridge, 

>> followed by a nap. 

> 

> 

>> "Can't you just leave it?" 

>> the new Jewish mother asks -- 

>> umbilical cord. 

> 

> 

>> The shivah visit: 

>> so sorry about your loss. 

>> Now back to my problems. 

> 

>> Our youngest daughter, 

>> our most precious jewel. 

>> Hence the name, Tiffany. 

> 

>> Ma, please! There is no 

>> need to put that dinner roll 

>> in your pocketbook. 

> 

>> Seven-foot Jews in 

>> the NBA, slam-dunking! 

>> My alarm clock rings. 

> 

>> Concert of car horns 

>> as we debate the question 

>> of when to change lanes. 




>> Sorry I'm not home 

>> to take your call. At the tone 

>> please state your bad news. 

> 

> 

>> Is one Nobel Prize 

>> so much to ask from a child 

>> after all I've done? 

> 

> 

>> Would-be convert lost -- 

>> thawed Lender's Bagels made a 

>> bad first impression. 

> 

> 

>> Today, mild shvitzing. 

>> Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz. 

>> Five-day forecast -- feh. 

> 

>> Left the door open 

>> for the Prophet Elijah. 

>> Now our cat is gone. 

> 

> 

>> Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt. 

>> Shlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis. 

>> Oy! To be fluent! 

> 

>> Quietly murmured 

>> at Saturday services, 

>> Yanks 5, Red Sox 3. 

> 

>> Lonely mantra of 

>> the Buddhist monk--"They never 

>> write, they never call." 

> 

>> Look, Beryl! I've found 

>> the most splendid tchochke for 

>> our Chanukah bush. 

> 

>> The long pilgrimage 

>> to the venerable shrine -- 

>> Leonard's of Great Neck. 

> 

>> Cherry blossoms bloom. 

>> Sure, it's beautiful, but is 

>> it good for the Jews? 

> 

>> A lovely nose ring -- 

>> excuse me, while I put my 

>> head in the oven. 

> 

>> Hard to tell under 

>> the lights -- white Yarmulke or 

>> male-pattern baldness? 

> 

>> Wet moss on the old stones. 

>> Lying in the grass, 

>> I ponder who to sue. 

>> 

>>