Thought you might like reading this story since you just had a chili cookoff.

TM
---------------------- Forwarded by Teresa McOmber/NA/Enron on 11/01/2000 
12:28 PM ---------------------------


Kathy Sturr
11/01/2000 08:52 AM
To: Cindy Adams/HOU/ECT@ECT , capps@austin.apc.slb.com, jpctexas@juno.com, 
toriemily@msn.com, rs-2@pdq.net, divadarlene@cs.com, bkeese@apro-rto.com, 
cking31402@aol.com, hmc@gateway.net, KM1942@aol.com, Amy 
Mulligan/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, cys10@aol.com, jsellman@wilsononline.com, 
moles@qatar.net.qa, Donna A Slatten/NA/Enron@Enron, Sherry 
Forbish/ET&S/Enron@Enron, Chris Greaney/ET&S/Enron@Enron, Janet 
McDaniel/ET&S/Enron@Enron, Ruthe Newman/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Jean 
Adams/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Debra Jasper/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Joe 
Linhart/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Harry Woodson/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Randy 
Janzen/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Jamie Lynn/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Robert 
Benningfield/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Kathy Sturr/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Tangie 
Dykes/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, vestrahan@aol.com, bsturr@mail.utexas.edu, 
spudsbc@aol.com, Lia Halstead/NA/Enron@ENRON, Teresa McOmber/NA/Enron@ENRON, 
MaryAnn Locknar/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Jean Blair/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Larry 
Berger/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Kim Perez/ET&S/Enron@ENRON, Karen 
Leslie/ET&S/Enron@Enron
cc:  

Subject: "Texas Chili"



I have it on good authority that this is a true story; A True Texas Story: 



???????????????These are notes from an inexperienced chili 
taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey... 
"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State 
Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili 
cook-off. ??Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the 
last moment, and I happened to be standing there when the call came 
in. ?I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that it 
would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. ?They 
assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, 
they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I 
accepted. ?Here are the scorecards from the event." 

???*****Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili 
???????????????????????JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. 
Amusing kick. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very 
mild. 
???????????????FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You 
could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two 
beers to put the flames out. ?Hope that's the worst one. These Texans 
are crazy  
???*****Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight 
Jalapeno tang. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to 
be taken seriously. 
???????????????FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! 
I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave 
off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had 
to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face. 

???*****Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. 
Needs more beans. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty,good use of 
red peppers. 
???????????????FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill.  
My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the 
routine by now. ?Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is 
in the front part of my chest. ?I'm getting shit-faced. 

??????*****Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.  
Disappointing. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side 
dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. 
???????????????FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, 
but was unable to taste it. ?Sally, the bar maid, was standing 
behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look 
HOT,just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. 

?????*****Chili # 5: Linda's Lethal Lip Remover 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers 
freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more 
tomato. ?Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. 
???????????????FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus 
my eyes. ?I farted and four people behind me burst into flames. 
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had 
given me brain damage. ?Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by 
pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. ?It really pisses me off 
that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. ?Screw those 
rednecks! 

?????????*****Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili.  
Good balance of spice and peppers. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: The best yet. ?Aggressive use of peppers, 
onions, and garlic. ?Superb. ? 
???????????????FRANK: My intestines are now a straight-pipe filled 
with gaseous, sulfuric flames. ?No one seems inclined to stand behind 
me except that slut Sally. ?I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! 

?????????***Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on 
canned peppers. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally 
threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note 
that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of 
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. 
???????????????FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the 
pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one 
eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt 
is covered with chili that slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants 
are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during 
the autopsy they'll know what killed me. ?I've decided to stop 
breathing. ?It's too painful. ?Screw it! ?I'm not getting any anyway. 
If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my 
stomach. 

???????????????*****Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili 

???????????????JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending... this is a nice blend 
chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its 
existence. 
???????????????JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced 
chili, neither mild nor hot. ?Sorry to see that most of it was lost 
when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top 
of himself. ?Not sure if he's going to make it. ?Poor Yank.