-----Original Message-----
From: Bronstein, Mara 
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 8:47 AM
To: Ward, Kim S (Houston)
Subject: FW: If Santa answered his mail honestly


 
-----Original Message-----
From: Corbett Scott [mailto:ascott@tulane.edu]
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2001 10:43 PM
To: Tracie Ashe; Tiffany Putman; Ricardo Romo-Leroux; Philip Arnold; Maya Goldberg; Mark Freeman; Lucia Windsor; Lane Williams; Krystal Putman; Kristen Gillis; Joel Roberts; Gaines Pittenger; Ellen Goldberg; Edna Echandi-Guzman; Deuce Greathouse; Cindy Tysdal; Catherine Turnipseed; Catherine Sonderman; Bronstein, Mara
Subject: Fw: If Santa answered his mail honestly


>If Santa answered his mail honestly... 
> 
> 
>Dear Santer I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer 
>Xmas. Iv 
>ben a gud boy all yeer. 
> 
>Yer Frend, BiLLy 
> 
> 
>Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a 
>career in 
>lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you 
>can learn to read 
>and write? I'm giving your older brother the space 
>ranger. At least HE 
>can spell! 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the 
>only 
>thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for 
>everybody! 
> 
>Love, Sarah 
> 
> 
>Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, 
>didn't 
>they? 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>--------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> ---------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for 
>Christmas, 
>I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. 
>Please see what you can do. 
> 
>Love,Teddy 
> 
>Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter 
>like a screen 
>door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that 
>up to come 
>back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? 
>It's time to 
>give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos 
>instead. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, 
>some 
>G.I.Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. 
> 
>Love, Francis 
> 
>Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? 
>I bet 
>you're gay. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the 
>tree, 
>and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back 
>door. 
> 
>Love, Susan 
> 
>Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make 
>the deer 
>fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to 
>do me a favour? 
>Leave me a bottle of scotch. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
> 
>Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the 
>year? Are 
>you busy making toys? 
> 
>Your friend, Thomas 
> 
>Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a 
>condo in 
>Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget 
>porno films. 
>I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the 
>asses of cocktail 
>waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, 
>you wanted to 
>know. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you 
>really 
>know when we're awake, like in the song? 
> 
>Love, Jessica 
> 
>Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck 
>in 
>whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. 
>Please 
>please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? 
> 
>Timmy 
> 
>Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your 
>folks, but 
>that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a 
>sweater again. 
> 
>Santa 
> 
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
> 
>Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, 
>how do you 
>get into our home? 
> 
>Love, Marky 
> 
>Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why 
>you're 
>getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't 
>live in a 
>house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. 
>Third, I get inside your pad 
>just like all the burglars 
> 
> 
>__________________________________________________ 
>Do You Yahoo!? 
>Buy the perfect holiday gifts at Yahoo! Shopping. 
>http://shopping.yahoo.com 
>--=_38650742.1574189D-- 
> 
>