----- Original Message -----  
From: Deanna Sliger   
To: Alan  Pinkston  ; Angela Deemer  ; Bill Knutson  ; Bob Stachlschmidt  ; Stacey Dickinson  ; James Ottney  ; JoAnn McManus   ; Karen Baker   ; Kerry Schwartz   ; Marcy  Lanning  ; Melanie Traveler  ; Mike McAuliffe  ;  Patty Allen  ;  Randy  Tripp  ; Rik  Scott  ; Shane Pinkston  ; Steve  Ouellette  ; AllStaff  
Sent: Thursday, December 20, 2001 8:16 AM
Subject: Honest Answers from the Guy in the Red..
If Santa answered his mail honestly... 
Dear Santa, 
I wud like a kool toy space  ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all 
yeer yer  Frend, 
BiLLy 
Dear Billy, 
Nice spelling. You're on  your way to a great career in lawn care. 
How about I  send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and 
write? 
I'm giving your older brother the space  ranger. At least HE can 
spell! 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
I have been a good girl all  year, and the only thing I ask for is 
peace and joy in  the world for everybody! 
Love, Sarah 
Dear Sarah, 
Your parents were smoking  pot when they had you, didn't they? 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
I don't know if you can do  this, but for Christmas, I'd like for 
my mommy and daddy  to get back together. Please see what you 
can do?  
Love Teddy 
Dear Teddy, 
Look, your dad's banging the  babysitter like a screen door in a 
hurricane. Do you  think he's gonna give that up to come back to 
your  frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give 
up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
I want a new bike, a  Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, 
a drum kit,  a pony and a tuba. 
Love, Francis 
Dear Francis, 
Who names their kid  "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.  Only 
gay  people want tubas.  I'll set you up with a nice Barbie. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
I left milk and cookies for  you under the tree, and I left 
carrots for your reindeer  outside the back door. 
Love, Susan 
Dear Susan, 
Milk gives me the runs and  carrots make the deer fart in my face 
when riding in the  sleigh.  You want to do me a favor?  Leave me 
a bottle of scotch. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
What do you do the other 364  days of the year? Are you busy 
making toys?  
Your friend, 
Thomas 
Dear Thomas, 
All the toys are made in  China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I 
spend most of my  time making low-budget porno films.  These 
producers seem to like fat studs. I unwind by drinking myself  
silly and squeezing the asses of all the cocktail  waitresses 
while losing money at the craps table.  
Hey, you wanted to know. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
Do you see us when we're  sleeping, do you really know when 
we're awake, like in  the song? 
Love, Jessica 
Dear Jessica, 
Are you really that  gullible?  I'll bet you're blonde.  Good luck 
in whatever you do.  I'm skipping your house. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dear Santa, 
I really really want a puppy  this year. Please please please 
PLEASE PLEASE could I  have one? 
Timmy 
Timmy, 
That whiney, begging shit may  work with your folks, but that 
crap doesn't work with  me. You're getting a sweater again. 
Santa 
---------- 
Dearest Santa, 
We don't have a chimney  in our house, how do you get into our 
home?  
Love, Marky 
Mark, 
First, stop calling yourself  "Marky", it sounds gay. That's why 
you're getting your  ass whipped at school.  Second, you don't 
live in a  house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. 
Third,  I get inside your pad just like your mother's boyfriend 
does, thru the bedroom window. 
Sweet  Dreams, 
Santa