1.      Do not walk behind  me, for I may not lead. 

Do not walk ahead  of me, for I may not  follow. 
Do not walk beside me, either;  just leave me the hell alone. 

2.      The journey of a  thousand miles begins with broken fan belt     and a leaky  tire. 
3.      It's  always  darkest before dawn.  So if  you're going to  steal 

the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do  it. 

4.      Don't be  irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't   be  promoted. 
5.       No one is listening until you make a  mistake. 
6.      Always remember you're  unique, just like everyone else. 
7.      Never test the depth of the water with  both feet. 
8.       It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to  others. 
9.      It  is far  more impressive when others discover your good qualities without  your help. 
10.     If  you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a   couple of  car payments. 
11.      Before you criticize  someone, you should walk a mile in their  shoes.  That way, when you  criticize them, you're  a     mile away and you have  their shoes.

12.     If at first you don't  succeed, skydiving is not for you. 
13.     Give a man a fish and he will eat for  a  day.  Teach him how to  fish,  and he will sit in a  boat &  drink beer all day.

14.     If you lend someone  $20, and  never see that person again, it was probably worth it.  
15.     Don't squat  with your spurs on. 
16.     If you tell the truth, you don't have to  remember anything. 
17.     If you drink and drive, don't park;  accidents cause  people. 
18.     Some days you are the bug, some days you  are  the windshield. 
19.     Don't worry, it only  seems kinky the  first time. 
20.      Good judgment comes from bad experience,  and a lot of that comes   from bad judgment. 
21.     The quickest way to double your money is to  fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 
22.     Timing has an awful lot to do with   the outcome of a raindance. 
23.     A closed mouth gathers no feet.  
24.     Duct tape is  like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the  universe together. 
25.     There are two theories to arguing with  women.  Neither one works. 
26.     Generally speaking, you aren't learning  much  when your mouth is moving. 
27.     Experience is something  you don't get  until  just after you need it. 
28.     Never  miss a good chance to shut up.