>
>Why are Aggies the shame of Texas ?
>Well, I am probably not the best person to go into this. I can assure you
>my
>brother, and other Horns who have had the torture of spending time in
>College Station can tell it better than I, but here are my takes on the
>subject.
>1) They won't shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and dogs, and old
>army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they
>have in their urine to beat U.T., and blah bah blah. Shut up. You start to
>get the feeling their entire school was built to spite U.T. Forget the fact
>that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870's passed legislation to
>start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of
>the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and
>mechanics. Ags love to say their school is older, from where they get that
>I
>don't know.........the fact is, the State intended a&m to be a branch of
>U.T. They are like afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito
>in 'Twins'. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they
>must
>devote their entire school to trying to prove to U.T. that they are just as
>good. All the while, nobody at U.T. denies that A&M is a good school, yet
>they won't shut up. So they write a fight song ... about ... Texas, and how
>they want to beat us. They have a Fish camp for Freshman ... where ... they
>tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It
>is the worlds longest known case of penis envy, and it is manifest in
>everything A&M does.
>2) The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at
>A&M.
>There are some nice people there. However......there is the Corp. East
>Texas
>answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boyscout who never
>learned to stop playing with his GI Joe toys, there is the Corp. Now,
>forget
>the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if
>they agree to join the Corp. Forget the fact that the Corp looked like a
>gestapo hate rally when beating down students (including one instance of
>tackling and punching a young girl) on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact
>that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against
>them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month
>have
>had one Corp member bring charges against another Corp member who
>apparently
>had been propositioning others for a little mutual Sodomy. Not only could I
>go on with more instances of idiocy by these Khaki clad shaven headed
>dorks,
>I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point is: We all respect
>West Point, Anapolis, The Air Force Academy. Nobody respects the Corp. I
>imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just
>because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not
>make you the Army. People at A&M don't even like these clowns. It is not
>cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one
>day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to
>Israel. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody's daughter on national
>television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18 year old girls in the
>stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be
>against the law. I know that in College Station, students are prone to just
>mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or any time
>anything good happens you can just grab the girl next to you and start
>sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down
>upon. Especially if you are doing it on my T.V. That is why we had to move
>the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging
>on
>their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boys
>scout
>is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody's thanksgiving
>dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suck fest every time
>your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls
>are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget
>make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.
>3) I have only dated one aggie in my lifetime. She was a cute girl too. But
>our relationship, albeit doomed from the start, was cut short when she
>ripped butt in my presence on a date. I am willing to look past many
>shortcomings in a woman, but do not expect to drop ass, in my bedroom no
>less, and expect not to get run. There will be no blasting of foul air by
>my
>future wife. At least not until we are engaged. Come on. Is that common in
>College Station ? Do ags sit around on dates just trading glandular
>salutes.
>"Hey Betty (FARRRT) Can you top that ????" "Sure Bill, (GGGRRUUUNNTTTT) put
>that in your pipe and smoke it". Truly Gross. Is that what ags mean by 'Red
>Ass' and 'Old Army' ? She sure laid some Old Army that night.
>4) T.U. is not funny. It is not insulting. It is just dumb. Just imagine
>Ags, if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A, and giggling. That would
>not be funny. In fact it would be retarded. That's why we don't do it.
>Please learn.
>5) You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of
>sheep, of people that aren't stupid? Then quit building things that fall
>down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national television.
>Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards
>for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights
>practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you're
>running for Governor. When you are filling out your season ticket renewals,
>and the form asks for your - Phone #, H & W: - Quit putting 258-3999,
>Height
>6'3, weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to
>East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a 5th grade
>education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base.
>This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid.
>6) Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder,
>they
>might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. But
>the point is, nobody cares 'who wins halftime'. Quit getting geeked up
>about
>marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high
>school
>band's entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then, and
>nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do
>care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you're in college ?
>7) Men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only
>justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an
>anal probe. Oh wait........I understand now.
>8) Dogs are not ladies. They don't look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat
>their
>own feces and should be treated accordingly.
>9) Finally. College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that
>it
>is a great college town. It is a town, and there is a college there. That
>should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn't get any
>better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never ending
>'Dukes Of Hazard' episode, then move there. More importantly, don't move to
>Austin........we are trying to create an educated, technological, and open
>minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace
>and final resting place of all that is cool. As my friend Stephen Johnston
>once said: "If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is
>where
>you would connect the hose." If you go to school at A&M, please don't be an
>aggie.
>God Bless the Great State of Texas
>
>
>
>


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