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-----Original Message-----
From:  Robert MacLellan <skyy@rocketmail.com>
To: jim  wolf <jw61@email.msn.com>; Glenda  Michael <gmichael@rocketmail.com>
Date:  Saturday, March 24, 2001 11:34 AM
Subject:  Barry

19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO  LEARN??? by Dave Barry



?1. Never under any  circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative

???  ?on the same night.



?2. If you had to identify, in one  word, the reason why the human race

???? has not  achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that  word

???? would be  "meetings."

?

??3. There is a very fine line  between "hobby" and "mental illness."



?4. People who want to  share their religious views with you almost

????  never want you to share yours with them



?5. And when God,  who created the entire universe with all of its

???  glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL  NOT

?? ?use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a  bad hairstyle.



? ?6. You should not confuse your career  with your life.



? ?7. No matter what happens, somebody  will find a way to take it too

??? ??  seriously.



???8. When trouble arises and things  look bad, there is always one

??????  individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take  command.

????? Very often, that individual is  crazy.



?? ?9. Nobody cares if you can't dance  well. Just get up and dance.



??10. Never lick a steak  knife.



?11. Take out the fortune before you eat the  cookie.



?12. The most powerful force in the universe is  gossip.



?13. You will never find anybody who can give you a  clear and compelling

?? ??? reason why we  observe daylight savings time.



?14. You should never say  anyt hing to a woman that even  remotely

?????? suggests that you think  she's pregnant unless you can see an

?????  actual baby emerging from her at that moment.



? ?15.  There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people  to

????????? make a big deal  about your birthday. That time is age eleven.



? ?16.  "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of  age,

???????? gender, religion,  economic status or ethnic background, is that,  
deep

???????? down inside, we ALL  believe that we are above average drivers.



?? 17. The  main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is  to

???? ???? annoy people who are  not in them.



? ?18. A person who is nice to you, but  rude to the waiter, is not a nice

???  ???? person.



? ?19. Your friends  love you anyway.





? ?Thought for the  day:

? ?Never be afraid to try something new.

?  ?Remember that amateurs built the Ark.

? ?Professionals  built the Titanic.




===============================  
Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to  
the world.............Voltaire 



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