BASIC RULES
 for
 CATS RUNNING A HOUSE 
 
 
 CHAIRS AND RUGS:
 If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly.
 If you cannot manage in
 time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug,
 shag is good.
 
 
 DOORS:  
 Do not allow closed doors in any room. Once the door
 is opened, it is not
 necessary to use it.
 
 
 GUESTS:
 Sit on guest that hates cats the most. 
 
 For sitting on laps or rubbing against trousers,
 select fabric color which
 contrasts well with your fur. For example:
 white-furred cats go to black
 wool clothing.
 
 
 Run from guest who claims, "I love kitties", be
 ready with aloof disdain.
 
 
 When walking among dishes on the dinner table, be
 prepared to look surprised
 and hurt when scolded.
 
 Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
 necessary to do anything.
 Just sit and stare.
 
 
 WORK:
 If one of your humans is sewing or writing and
 another is idle, stay with
 the busy one. This is called helping,  these are the
 rules:
 
 
 1.When helping cooking, sit just behind the left
 heel of the cook. You
 cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of
 being stepped on.
 
 2.For book readers, get in close under the chin,
 between the human's eyes
 and the book, unless you can lie across the book
 itself.
 
 
 PLAY:
 It is important. Get enough sleep in the daytime so
 you are fresh for
 playing catch mouse or king-o-the-hill on their bed
 between 2 and 4 a.m.
 
 
 Happiness is -- BEING OWNED BY A CAT!