TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH:


1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2.) ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.

3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!

6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us
what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, or the shotgun formation.

8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
way.

10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

12.) Crying is blackmail.

13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't
work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say
it!

14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on
the calendar.

15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

18.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do.

19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.

22.) Check your oil.

23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.

24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.

26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something,
but not both.

29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

30.) If it itches, it will be scratched.

31.) Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

32.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong.

33.) We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.



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