(c) Copyright 1990, by The SmurfGANG, Inc.
A word about the code: The smurfcode was developed painstakingly by *very*small*, *blue*, *cute*little*creatures* called Smurfs, organized into a maternal botherhood called the Smurf Gang. Smurfs are *loveable*, *cuddly* beings who *love* to be *squeezed* ever-so-gently. They especially like *blueberry*ice*cream*. They occasionally ring *cute*little*bells*. And they just want to be *your*friends*.
Certain smurfs are particularly good at defending Canada against invaders, marketing Smurf products, presiding over vice, acting very innocent or pompous, describing the historical value of Smurfs, howling at the moon, speaking in Smurf Lingo (Smurf's up!), etc. Since Smurfs and their *friends* have so many varied qualities, we have devised a *really*neat* method for uniquely identifying them. Furthermore, since Smurfs and Bears now intermingle frequently, the Smurfcode is deliberately orthogonal to Bearcode version 1.7. Characteristic letters from both systems may be intermingled to form a Smurfurr code or a Bluebear code.
The most obvious characteristic of a Smurf is its giggle, so we logically begin there. Using a capital "S" to denote "SMURF", we have added a sub-class characterizing silliness, which combines a smurf's tee-hee, chortle, guffaw, and overall humor qualities, unambiguously numbered 0 to 9 as follows:
0 - (Little/no humor, or incredibly sparse) We're talking Mona Lisa here. One would never mistake such a meager smile for a smirk. Postings from these Smurfs are invariably serious, though they take undisplayed joy in humorous postings by others.
1 - (VERY slight smirk) This is the kind of smirk people display when they want to signal to other Smurf's that they MIGHT be a Smurf. No raised eyebrows appear. No erect tongue-in-cheek. Usage indicates probable closet smurf.
2 - (Smirk) This unmistakable characteristic indicates an unabashed delight in the silliness of others, but may indicate non-participation. These Smurfs never post original, humorous articles on their own, but they may, rarely, followup with a smart-remark.
3 - (Tee-hee) A giggle in all respects, but very quiet.
4 - (Laugh) Occasionally makes light fun of self or others, particularly friendly others. Enjoys a good joke.
5 - (Chortle) Makes light fun of self or others.
6 - (Chortle Plus) Makes light fun of self, world, or others. Has been known to laugh at PSAT, SAT, GRE, GMAT test or final exam questions, during the examination period.
7 - (Guffaw or Meep) Can make fun of most things, including obnoxious people or situations.
8 - (Snort) Loves to make fun of anything. This can border on bad-taste, but appreciators abound.
9 - (Snort with Acrobatics) Intrusively humorous in finding fun. Wildly ridiculous, often ignored or disliked. Zany. Wacky.
Using this scheme, one can narrow a creature down to a subclass, though occasional intractables fall between two classes. The end result is left to the creature classifying. One may use a hybrid designation for those who vary across time (example: S0/9). The number closest to "S" indicates the most probable state.
Negative numbers indicate complainers, largely negative numbers designate frequent whiners or complainers. Combinations of negative and positive numbers can appear.
---------------- Other SmurfCODE(TM) Classifiers ------------------
While humor is a big part of little smurfs, other things even them out. Please note that smurfs are not necessarily twinks. However, since so *many* smurfs *are*, we have incorporated some twink associated characteristics.
In cases where you are guessing, append "?". In cases where you are obfuscating the truth, use ":". In cases where the particular attribute is as good as a prototype, use "!".
Any b[++] n[++] o[++] (x or x++) u[++] j+[+] report to me immediately.
---------------------- Specific Examples --------------------------
Coyote B. Smurf B4 f++ c k m+ r++ S6 b++ g++ l- n+ o x- a u+ v j+ President of Vice B0 f t- w c- d++ (cd) k++ m h- r- p++ q/4 S8 b++ g+/++ l y+ z++/z/ n++ o++ x++ a+ u j++ Piece Maker B0/3V f t w- dc k+ s--! mV h- r- p S5/6/9 b++ g++ l+ y+ z/ n+ o-+ x- a u-+ j/++ Director of Marketing B0 f+ w- c d m+ h-(4) r S6 b++ g++ l y++ n+ o++ x+ a+ u++ v++ j Mr. Cute Harp Seal B0 f-- w- c r p (JA's favorite smurf?) S2 b++ g++ l y z n+ o- x- a u- v j+ Pope Innocenti B0 f-- t+ w-- k m- h-(0) r++ p+ q S9 b++ g l- y-- z++(suits) n++ o++ x++ a+ u++ v+ j++ Righteous Babe B0 f-- t+ w-- k m- h-(0) r++ p+ q S6 b++ g++ l++ y++ z n- x- o a u++ v++ j Jonah the Arcmaker S7 b++ g++ y n++ z+? o x a l?! v?! j++ Miss Piggy B-1 f-- t-- w++ c- d++ k++ m- h- r-- p++ q+++ S4 b g+ l++ y+ z+ n? o+ x++ a+ u v+ j+ ------ others Asmodeus S-9/9 b--! g--! l- y--! z- n--! o++ x++ a- u++-- v-- j+ Bobby Bear Cub S4/-4 b+ g++ n o- x a-- u- v j+ Connie Fazzio S6 b+ g+ y+ z? n+ o+ x a+ u v+ j++ Fuzz Madison S-9 b--! g- l=0 y++/-- z? n--! o++ x++ u- v- j- Jess Anderson S-5/6 b- n- o+ x+ a+ u+-- j++ g+- y-++ l Fruitbat S8 b++ g++ l-- n+ o x+ a++ u v+ j++ JoJo Francis S9 b+ g++ n+ o+ x++ a++ u++ v++ j++ Joe Chapman S8 b? g n? o x+ a++ u j++ Robert Kelly S6 b++ g l- y+ z+ n+ o++ x a- u- v- j+ David Baxter S3 b? n o+ x a u++ v j+ l- y g/- z-- Nigel Whitfield S3 b+ n o- x- a+ u+ v- j+ l y- z+ g/+ Jack Carroll S2 b? n o-- x a++ u- v j g l- y Gerry Swetsky S5 b+ n o- x- a u? v j+ g l- y+ Henry Mensch S0 b+/- n+ o+ x+ a- u-? v j- g- y-+ Wendy Thrash S6/7 b++ n+ o x a+ u+/++ v j++ g+/++ l--: y z--: Jeffrey Kain S4 b g l+ y+ z++ n o+ x+ a u/+ v+ j+ Rich Braun S1 b++ g+ l y+ z n o- x a+ u- v j+