Date: Tue, 05 Nov 1996 21:57:59 GMT Server: NCSA/1.5 Content-type: text/html Last-modified: Fri, 10 May 1996 21:18:22 GMT Content-length: 1726 Thoughts on being a hedgehog

Thoughts on Being a Hedgehog

Imagine you're a toaster. Actually, imagine you thought you were a toaster, but one day you find out you're really a hedgehog.

Now, at first glance this isn't a big deal. Toasters and hedgehogs are about the same size, they both get things done pretty slowly, and in the right setting, they can both be cute. But there are important differences.

When you're a machine, you really only have to worry about getting your job done. People don't expect much else of you. You're strictly a functional object.

But animals have different purposes and needs. They want to be looked at and handled. They get very unhappy when they're isolated. And they want very badly to go into dark places and do things with other animals that are just nasty.

Toasters don't feel much. I mean, they might masturbate, but that's just like retensioning your tape, or backwashing your filter. It's something you need to do every once-in-a-while to avoid problems and keep things running smoothly. Hedgehogs feel like all other animals do, which causes all sorts of complications.

All this is made worse by the fact that if you thought you were a toaster, you probably became pretty good at making toast. This has made you surround yourself with people who want toast. But after you find out you're a hedgehog it's a lot harder to deliver.

In a way it's a shame to find out you're not what you thought you were. I was well on my way to becoming a pretty good toaster. But it's probably better to know you're a hedgehog.

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