MIME-Version: 1.0 Server: CERN/3.0 Date: Sunday, 01-Dec-96 18:52:23 GMT Content-Type: text/html Content-Length: 5033 Last-Modified: Wednesday, 23-Oct-96 17:33:32 GMT Barber's Ball-Bustin' Bullies

Barber's Ball-Bustin' Bullies @ TFFL

Bullies' head coach, GM, and owner, Poncherolo

[ Mission | Press Highlights | Bullies History ]

The Bullies Mission

To avoid bonehead decisions and dumb-ass trades.
To be the best that Emmitt allows us.
To secure our greatness in the TFFL.
To win.

Highlights of the last Bullies Press Conference

What are you doing to ready your squad for the Torpor Bowl Playoffs?

"Times have been tough lately. The Bullies, as you know, have been the 49ers of the Butt-Wipe Division for quite some time. We are trying to return to our form of old, as we prepare for our 1st 60+ pt weekend." - Ponch

Team of Greatness, yes! Victim of the suck-field?

"I was reticent in believing that this supposed suck-field really existed, until we suffered a mind-blowing loss to the Boney Turkey's in what was our best-performance. Who would've thought that Kent Graham, a f**king Cardinal, could score 24 points in a game. I offer that as proof of the suck-field phenomena. As everyone knows, no Cardinal QB is humanly capable of that type of performance." - Ponch

How do you explain starting C Carter on his bye week?

I may not be a smart man, but last weekend I was really an idiot. - Ponch

Mr. Miller, how do you explain your poor performance of the last few weeks?

I like to suck balls. - A. Miller

Mr. Smith, how do you account for your resurgence into the RB spotlight?

I am Emmit. - E. Smith

Mr. Ponch, how do you feel about Harvey Williams at this point in the season?

Thank Emmitt for Anthony Johnson. Let me just say, that I hope Harvey pulls his long-ass neck out of ass pretty soon.

History of the Bullies Phenomena

The Bullies made their entrance into the leauge in 1993. Back then however, they were know as the Sheepdogs, known mostly for their sheepish performances on a weekly basis. "Ironic that back then, we had Emmitt Smith and Chris Warren, and were still worse than the 1996 Jets." - Ponch

The Bullies next 2 seasons were better than one could hope for, making the playoffs both years, and losing to the Scrotum last year in the Torpor Bowl Championship do to that loser a-hole Jerry Rice.

One might wonder what has made the Bullies so great? The answer is LUCK.

After securing the 1st overall draft pick in 1994, the Bullies picked RB superstar E. Smith, . "Emmitt is more than just a franchise player. Great players come and go. Brett Favre sucked rocks for awhile before rising to greatness. Barry Foster, Sterling Sharpe, and other similar players were great in their own rights, but none are as consistenly high-scoring and reliable as Emmitt. Even playing hurt, he's still better than everyone else." Emmitt just kicks ass!

Despite hard times this season, and despite the dog-old-doggy days of the Sheepdogs, the Bullies most trying time occurred when owner Poncherlo pulled a big boner, and traded Emmitt away to the then Floundering Gridiron for Marshall Faulk.

"What a dumb-ass!" - Reblow

"Passing gall stones is less painful then the ramifications of that decision." Fortunately, owner and GM of the Gridiron pulled an even bigger boner, and actually traded Emmit back to the Bullies for Faulk. To highlight Flounder's stupidity, he also traded C. Carter for Alvin Harper. Harper was promptly traded to the Bucs.

When asked by reporters how he felt about returning to the Bullies, Emmitt responded, "Oh God, please ... yes ... thank you, ... Thank YOU, Flounder".