Date: Tue, 10 Dec 1996 17:47:18 GMT Server: NCSA/1.4.2 Content-type: text/html Last-modified: Thu, 19 Sep 1996 04:06:23 GMT Content-length: 3701
I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.My name is Figaro, though my pet human, Jeremy, usually calls me "the Spud". As you can see from my picture, I am an authentic Jellicle Cat, though Jeremy refers to my coloration as "Holstein".
-- Kinky Friedman, "Greenwich Killing Time"
I was a poor, homeless, underfed waif until I suckered Jeremy into feeding me. Now I live in the lap of luxury and eat better than he does. I admit to having a healthy appetite, but I consider my figure svelte. Please disregard any malicious falsehoods spread by Jeremy about his suffering cracked ribs when I sit on his chest.
My favorite pastimes include:
I am an accomplished hunter, having bagged many hundreds of cockroaches, cicadas, lizards, frogs, and the occasional baby bird. However, I recently moved from my garden estate in Houston to a high-rise apartment in Seattle. Tragically, my new dwelling suffers from a paucity of available game, so I keep my skills honed by watching the Discovery Channel. I especially like shows with cute, fuzzy, and highly edible birds and rodents.
When Jeremy is away, I sometimes spend my time between naps cruising the Net (cats do not "surf" - I hate getting wet). At such times, I like to visit the Internet for Cats page. I also talk to my admiring public through the newsgroup rec.pets.cats. Here is my official r.p.c. cat code (interpretation available here):
Figaro: DM B+W Y 4 Y L+ W++ C+++ I++ A- E+ H++ S V++ B- PL-
Unfortunately, I have not yet figured out how to use the marvelous gopher protocol. I keep hitting the right buttons, but the stupid computer never sends me any gophers. Meanwhile, can someone tell me how to steal Jeremy's credit card and use it to order mouse-and-anchovie pizzas?
Please write to me c/o Jeremy, at jbuhler@cs.washington.edu.
Like scientists, cats love their privacy. When you see a bump under the blankets that signfies your cat is seeking solitude, simple courtesy demands that you leave the room. Obviously, your co-dependency is so advanced that you think your cat needs you to help him manage the time he spends away from you. To you, intimacy means control, and your cat is doing everything in its power to free itself from your manipulation. You sense this, and it terrifies you to think that you might have to learn to spend some time alone, as your cat is doing. Your cat has a life. Don't you think it's time you got one as well? -- Dr. Science