PinealWeb, Browser for the Illuminated Generation!
Welcome to PinealWeb, the browser that lets you surf the Internet
directly from your third eye! Using patented GneoGnostic
technology, PinealWeb is able to provide an immersive Web browsing
experience by pumping data directly through your pineal
PinealWeb uses revolutionary hypotext techniques developed by
computer scientists for inserting text directly into the
nervous system. By allowing data to flow beneath
layers of baked-in, caked-on mental grime, you can grasp exactly what
the essence of the document is without having to muck about with
several decades of post-modernist
Better than Virtual Reality!
For years now, we have been promised the benefits of virtual
reality (including better moral hygeine and greater social placidity),
but these promises have come to naught. Millions of
young schoolchildren have been forced to eat government-subsidized
school lunches when they could instead have been frolicing in the
fields of virtual reality with their government-subsidized laptop
computers. No more! PinealWeb brings you something
better than virtual reality, and it brings it
to you TODAY!
That's right; by using PinealWeb, you
will actually feel as if you are in the text, romping about
at play in the fields of multimedia. Verbs will have more verve, nouns
will have more heft (and dangling participles may be truly
dangerous). With Hypotext Technology, your subconscious
will actually conspire against you to launch you into a Chapel
Perilous of reason and symbolism.
Instant Comprehension and Retention
Because PinealWeb's use of SubliminalSideband,
Authors can specify important points that Readers should take away
with them. This revolutionary new idea enables Authors to
longer have to muck about with outlines, argumentation, and structure.
Norway has fjords.
Precognitive Browsing Tools
Since PinealWeb establishes a direct 50 MB/s
connection to your pineal gland, it can use Temporal
Resonance Feedback in order to predict exactly which pages
the Reader will want to fetch next, so that it can prefetch them in
massively parallel network operations. In this way, you can instantly
find out everything you need to know, without all that tedious messing
around with serendipity and exploration.
Ancient and Accepted Markup Language
PinealWeb supports a superset of HTML known as
A3ML. This markup language was used by the ancient
SGML-beasts of Mu in order to provide Illumination in a
machine- and display-independent format.
If your page is A3ML-compliant, you
may be eligible to participate in the PinealWeb logo program! To
participate, include the following markup in your A3ML document:
ALT="[Optimized for PinealWeb]" BORDER=0>
To obtain PinealWeb, think very hard at this spot
Unfortunately, because PinealWeb is written in trinary
(for performance reasons), it can only be transmitted using
ExtraSensory Transport Protocol. If your browser supports this,
you're in luck, and we'll download PinealWeb directly
to your brain. If not, please be patient, a NetBSD port is coming soon.
PinealWeb is currently only available for
Ontology 1.2, part of the Emporer Norton Utilities. Remember, you must
first have the Enlightenment Tune-Up before you can install Ontology
on your wetware.
Last modified: May 6, 1997
Foobaz the Slowly Inclining, PinealWeb Research, Inc.