What's the difference between a viola and a violin? A violin burns faster.
What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? Terrorists have sympathisers.
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The cheif of poice comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned it down." The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The conductor askes the violist, "What's wrong?" The violist answers, "The second oboe loosened one of my tuning pegs." The conductor replied, "I admit, that seems a little childish, but nothing to get so upset about. Why are you crying?" To which the violist replied, "He won't tell me which one!!"
The composition of a string quartet:
1 good violinist
1 bad violinist
1 really bad violinist who became a violist
1 cellist who hates all violinists.