performed at CTY - F&M, July 1991 =========================================================================== (to the music of Gee, Officer Krupke) Scene: Walt's office. 2 Walt (identified by his cape with W K on it), speaking: Young man, I am extremely disappointed with your behavior this session. This is the sixteenth time you've been sent to my office, TODAY. Let me see, what was it this time ... ah yes, blowing up the cafeteria. Was that a nice thing to do, Mr. Simpson? Bart: Hey, don't have a cow, man. Walt: All I can say is, you've got some explaining to do ... or I just might be forced to call your parents. What have you got to say for yourself? <<< MUSIC >>> Bart: Dear kindly sergeant Kesler Ya gotta understand I've got a hyperactive Pituitary gland! My roommate's got a girlfriend, And that's the third he's had; I've had none so Naturally I'm bad! GIRLS: Gee, officer Kesler, We're asking you why We always have to listen to American Pie. BOYS: The songs are too fast and The girls are too tall! Bart: Me, I'm the shortest on my hall! Walt: On his hall! ALL: On his hall, on his hall, on his R.A. hall, He can't stand his R.A. hall at all! Walt: Then take Bart to his R.A.! Bart: Dear... Resident Assistant, The rules are way too strict, The fun is non-existent, My roommate poorly picked! You never let me ride on My skateboard down the ramp! Walt : Hey kid, this is a school, not a camp. R.A.: Gee, Officer Kesler, It's quite a sad tale. He came to have some fun but ended up in a jail. Bart: My R.A. is sleeping, But I go to class! That's why I act like such an ... underachiever! ALL: Goes to class, goes to class, and another class, Every day, we go to class, alas! Walt: Then let him talk to his instructor! Bart: Dear ... kindly Ms. instructor, Your heart is very big, But summer wasn't meant for, Geometry and trig! I got no television, And miss my favorite show! Golly, teacher, that's why I'm so slow! Instructor: Gee, Officer Kesler, It's quite a surprise, That anyone can think on only pizza and fries. He never does classwork, Just fights with Jerome, I say you've got to send him home. Bart: Send me home! ALL: Send him home, send him home, send the Bart-Man home, Pack his bags, and send him home alone! Walt: That does it! I'm calling his parents right now! Bart: My mother's got a beehive, My father's got a gut, My sister's got a sax'phone, But I've just got a mutt! If I go home tomorrow, They'll spank me on the butt! Goodness, gracious, that's why I'm a nut! Homer: Gee, officer Kesler, Now let me explain. My *son* is not a genius, SHE's the one with the brain. Marge: We thought if he came here, It might make him smart! Homer & Marge: But we just got the same old Bart. Bart (proudly): Same old Bart! ALL: Same old Bart, same old Bart, he's the same old Bart, Even C,TY can't make Bart smart! Matilda: The trouble is he's lazy! Bob: The trouble is he's boring! Sylvia: The trouble is he's crazy! Jerome: The trouble is his snoring! Nadine: The trouble is Nintendo! Stan: The trouble is T.V.! ALL: KESLER, GET THAT KID AWAY FROM ME! <> ALL: Gee, Officer Kesler, He's finally gone. Walt: He's going back to Springfield where he really belongs. ALL: We've witnessed the end of a phenomenon! Gee, Officer Kesler: ROCK ON!