OBITUARIES

Back in the beginning, when we hadn't fully learned the virtues of cooperation and character deaths were thus a common event, we usually played in a small study/computer room that tended to be deserted late at night. At the end of a run, we'd fire up the leftmost computer (on whose hard drive we'd stashed lots of fun stuff, but that's another set of stories), and I'd update our little obituary file with whatever seemed appropriate or funny at the time. The intervening years have perhaps been unkind to these notes, but that's why you get here from the nostalgia menu. :-)

From the first year (1987-88) of Rahul's campaign

Locke the Pict [Day 2]

Killed with a branding iron by the orc chieftain -- GRUUMSH branded in his stomach for all eternity. (Stupid human, getting slept like that.)

Nailed by the Spider Monks after sauntering across the "Line of Death," and then eaten by an ogrillon. (Talk about adding insult to injury!)

Crisped by a fireball in the bandit lair. Was he killed by ...

(a) Silvana's "curiosity"

(b) G's "wisdom"

(c) Stealth's foolhardiness

(d) his own rashness, or

(e) just being a klutz?

Thought he was an assassin, went for Stealth, and almost got Thorongil screwed for the "murder of a poor illusionist."

Killed during the battle in the orc temple -- an honorable death, for once (though G's would have been a lot more spectacular).

"Put up yer dukes" -- pretty weird dying words for a human magic-user, if you ask me.

Got a bit too zealously Neat, and his viscera became rather Messy.

Gnome as a melee weapon -- the latest in ogre technology. (You-know-what as a missile weapon could come sooner than you think...)

"O, the itsy bitsy spider was coming down the tree,

Up went the cat to try to make it flee;

It slurped up the cat while the druid lost her sword,

And the itsy bitsy spider went up the tree once more."

He talks to the spider. He makes friends with the spider. He gets the next generation of the spiders. He gets killed by a drider.

What is this? A dwarf getting killed with a faerie-lover, fighting the enemy of the elven race? Gimme a break...

He got his golden chain mail. He got his +1 dagger. He got a goal in life. He got bitten by a spider. He didn't get his "Russian dice luck."

Don the Sandwich Man [Day 145]

After the Spiders' BUZ, french toast is more to the point. (Death by d12...)

Wimpy proved wimpy.

He's dead, Jim.

From Erik Seligman's campaign (which ran during 1987-88)

Enlightened by a spider before he could even reach for a table leg. (Sad, but good for the ears.)

Flattened by the local masonry after opening a trapped coffin. (Hey, even the tank almost bought it this time.)

Poisoned by the treasure a week after leaving the dungeon. (And you thought it would be his dex.)

Screwed over trying to screw over the ranger...the tank set off the trap, but the elf bought it from the mold spores anyway. (Que sera sera.)

"I made it! I made it!" With a 19 intelligence, you'd think he'd have noticed the fake...

A brief introduction to the birds and the bees, metaphorically speaking. (WHORES 2, PALADINS 0)

With a name like that, you knew it was coming.

Rat food.