I have collected these quotes from the web, various fortune programs, finger files, and fortune cookies. I have not verified the sources, so the references may be inaccurate.
Only presidents, editors, and scientists have the right to use the editorial "we."
Life is too important to take seriously. (Corky Siegel)
If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. (Josh Billings)
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. (Albert Einstein)
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
If you're happy, you're successful.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.
If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
Conceptual Inertia: If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. (H. H. Williams)
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Q: Why don't elephants eat penguins?
A: Because they can't get the wrappers off.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. (Phil White)
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
Great minds run in great circles.
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein--it rejects it.
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. (Alan McKay)
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
If it happens, it must be possible.
The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. (Parkinson)
A slave is one who waits for someone else to set him free. (R. Brown)
Like most wildly ambitious people, I am driven almost exclusively by fear of failure. (Scott Turow)
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? (Edgar Bergen)
Always leave within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. (Josh Billing)
Everywhere is walking distance if you have time. (Steven Wright)
So I did the only thing you can do when you are trapped in a corner: I chewed my way through the wall. (Scott Adams)
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