How to Get Rich and Save the World with IE Crystals

This simple science experiment can be done in your kitchen using readily available household supplies. You will synthesize IE crystals ®, and quite possibly save the world from environmental destruction. The recipe we will use is based on the one given in the paper Anomalous State of Ice by Dr. Shui-Yin Lo, Modern Physics Letters B, Vol. 10, No. 19, (1996), pages 909-919. Please note that IE crystals ® are a registered trademark of American Technologies Group, Inc.

Required Equipment:

If your kitchen is not equipped with a scanning electron microscope, you can use an atomic absorption spectrophotometer, a nuclear magnetic resonance spectrometer, or any similarly expensive and impressive-looking piece of scientific equipment with a large flat surface.

Preparation: wash your hands. (Didn't your mother always tell you to wash your hands? She was right.) Lay out your supplies on top of the electron microscope. As a safety precaution, you may wish to unplug the microscope first. Then, using your measuring spoon, put 10 spoonfuls of water into one glass jar. Mark the water line with a piece of tape. Pour the water into the other jar and mark the water line on that jar too. Now you have converted two ordinary glass jars into calibrated laboratory glassware. Remember to charge extra if your friends want to purchase them from you.

Synthesis: (This part is a trade secret. Be sure to lower the blinds while performing this synthesis procedure.)

  1. Add a pinch of salt to the jar with the water.

  2. Seal the jar, and shake vigorously for 30 seconds.

  3. a) Call the full jar "A" and the empty jar "B". (You could call them Fred and Wilma, but "A" and "B" sound more scientific.)

    b) Transfer one spoonful of water from jar A to jar B.

    c) Pour the rest of jar A down the sink.

    d) Add distilled water from the jug to jar B until the water level is even with the tape. Jar B is now a "one part in ten" dilution of the liquid in jar A.

    e) Seal jar B and shake vigorously for 30 seconds.

    Do steps A-E ten times. If you're an ex-Scientologist, do steps A-E, confess your crimes against Scientology, strike a blow against the enemies of the Church, and circulate a petition to rejoin the group. (For those of you who don't get the Scientology joke, the reference is HCO PL 23 Dec. 1965RB, Suppressive Acts, Suppression of Scientology and Scientologists. See, for example, the last two paragraphs of Erwin Annau's SP Declare.)

  4. Congratulations. You have now synthesized 10 ounces of IE water -- and possibly rejoined a religious cult.

  5. Put on the white lab coat and hold a press conference to announce your success. Don't forget to mention that you used an electron microscope in your research.
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Dave Touretzky
Last modified: Fri Dec 11 01:44:15 EST 1998