[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ###### # # # ## ##### # # ##### # # #### # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # # # # # # # # #### # # ###### # # ##### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # # # # #### #### # # ## ## ## # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # ###### # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # EPISODE GUIDE Version 1.0 January 15, 1996 by Aaron Greenhouse (aaron@cs.brandeis.edu) plat-y-pus (n.): a small egg laying mammal, that attempts to mate frequently, but spends most of its time alone. man (n.): an adult male human. plat-y-pus man (n.): an adult male human, that attempts to mate frequently, but spends most of its time alone. "Platypus Man" (TM) is a Trademark of Paramount Pictures. The contents and layout of this program guide are Copyright ©1995, 1996, Aaron Greenhouse, All Rights Reserved. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] -= CHARACTERS & GENERAL INFO =- Characters ---------- "Platypus Man" was a half-hour situation comedy that aired on the United Paramount Network. The show centers around Richard Jeni, his friends Lou Golumbuski and Paige McAllister, and his younger brother Tommy. Richard is the host and chef of Cooking with the Platypus Man, a New York cooking show for "Anyone who's tried to make tunafish on toast and ended up in the burn unit with mayonnaise in his hair," which airs on channel 72. Richard also has a twin brother, Vince, who is in real estate, and of whom he is jealous ("New York on $2,000 a Day"). Richard learned how to cook because Lou convinced him to take Home Economics with him in high school to pick up chicks. Lou got some, Richard did not ("Out of the Mouths of Babes"). Some personal information about Richard: he wet his bed until he was 12, and gets aroused by Oh Canada ("Without a Hitch"). Richard's sound engineer is Larry Tannenbaum. Lou Golumbuski, who happens to be Jewish, is Richard's executive producer and best friend. He met Richard when they were seven and put out a campfire together by peeing on it. Lou skipped out on his Bar Mitzvah in order to go see the Three Stooges live ("Lower East Side Story"). His wife's name is Marie, and he has a sister. Tommy Jeni is a bartender at (and possibly owner of) the Roof Garden Tavern, where they all hang out. He was 16 in the third grade ("Without a Hitch"), and 18 when he was in 9th grade ("9 1/2 Days"). Paige McAllister lives across the hall from Richard (he lives in 3E, she lives in 3B), and is an ex-pro-golfer who writes a sports column ("Sports Paige McAllister") for the newspaper. What did Mom tell Tommy? ------------------------ * "Don't give a gun to the monkey." -- "Episode One" (I think) * "No hitting with the bat." -- "Both Sides Now" Meals Made on Show ------------------ Episode Meal ------- ---- "Episode One" Pasta Primavera "9 1/2 Days" Steak and Potatoes "The Apartment Show" Turkey "NYPD Nude" Shrimp Flambe "Sweet Denial" Single Man Leftover Stew "New York on $2,000 a Day" [Not Mentioned?] "Lou's the Boss" Pasta "The Crush" Chocolate Souffle "Both Sides Now" Clamato Juice (Beverage in the spotlight) "Without a Hitch" Meatloaf "Lower East Side Story" Bagel Pizzas (Football Watching Snacks series) "Out of the Mouths of Babes" Baked Alaska "Dying to Live" Chocolate Souffle [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] -= AIR DATES & EPISODES =- Air Dates --------- Below is a table of the broadcast history of Platypus Man on the United Paramount Network. "DOFB" is the date of first broadcast. # R? DOFB Date Episode - -- ---- ---- ------- January 23, 1995 to March 13, 1995: Mondays at 9:00pm 1 Jan 23 95 Jan 23 95 Episode One 2 Jan 30 95 Jan 30 95 9 1/2 Days 3 Feb 6 95 Feb 6 95 The Apartment Show 4 Feb 13 95 Feb 13 95 NYPD Nude 5 Feb 20 95 Feb 20 95 Sweet Denial 6 Feb 27 95 Feb 27 95 New York on $2,000 a Day 7 Mar 6 95 Mar 6 95 Lou's the Boss 8 Mar 13 95 Mar 13 95 The Crush March 20, 1995 to July 24, 1995: Mondays at 9:30pm 9 Mar 20 95 Mar 20 95 Both Sides Now 2 R Jan 30 95 Mar 27 95 9 1/2 Days 3 R Feb 6 95 Apr 3 95 The Apartment Show 10 Apr 10 95 Apr 10 95 Without a Hitch 4 R Feb 13 95 Apr 17 95 NYPD Nude 5 R Feb 20 95 Apr 24 95 Sweet Denial 11 May 1 95 May 1 95 Lower East Side Story 12 May 8 95 May 8 95 Out of the Mouths of Babes 13 May 15 95 May 15 95 Dying to Live May 22 95 Pre-empted by "The Secret Of... Part I" 6 R Feb 27 95 May 29 95 New York on $2,000 a Day 7 R Mar 6 95 Jun 5 95 Lou's the Boss Jun 12 95 Pre-empted by "Legend 8 R Mar 13 95 Jun 13 95 The Crush (Tuesday at 9pm) 9 R Mar 20 95 Jun 13 95 Both Sides Now (Tuesday at 9:30pm) 10 R Apr 10 95 Jun 19 95 Without a Hitch 11 R May 1 95 Jun 26 95 Lower East Side Story 12 R May 8 95 Jul 3 95 Out of the Mouths of Babes 13 R May 15 95 Jul 10 95 Dying to Live 3 R Feb 6 95 Jul 17 95 The Apartment Show 4 R Feb 13 95 Jul 24 95 NYPD Nude Jul 31 95 Pre-empted by "Legend" Aug 7 95 Pre-empted by "Legend" Aug 14 95 Pre-empted by "Legend" Aug 21 95 Pre-empted by "Star Trek: Voyager" Episode Descriptions -------------------- 1) "EPISODE ONE" * Written By: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan * Directed By: Andy Cadiff * Co-Producer: David Member * Wendy: Amy Yasbeck * Joann: Mia Cottet * Vern Tuttle: Ethan Phillips Richard hurts himself by falling off the treadmill while he is admiring the women at the health club. He calls a therapeutic masseuse, Wendy, whose number he finds on a flyer at the club, to help heal from his accident. Wendy has just moved to New York from Seattle, and Richard falls for her and shows her around the city. Tommy wants Richard to go on a double date with him and twin dental hygienists, but ends up going alone and pulls his shoulder when they tie him down with unwaxed cinnamon dental floss. Paige gets set up on a blind date (with a married man) by a fellow sportswriter. Rich gets jealous and over reacts when his friends start getting massages from Wendy. The problem is resolved when Wendy moves back to Seattle because she does not like the NY coffee. Richard makes pasta primavera on his show. Ethan Phillips, who plays Nelix on "Star Trek: Voyager," guests as Vern Tuttle, the organist for Richard's show. At one point Richard quips, "Hope you didn't miss one of your 'Star Trek' conventions." [--------------------------------------] 2) "9 1/2 DAYS" * Written By: Michael Davidoff & Bill Rosenthal * Directed By: Gary Brown * Beth Garland: Mary Crosby * Jack McAllister: Edmund L. Staff * Marjorie McAllister: Fritzi Burr * Priest: Richard Stahl * Stage Manager: Sandy Helberg * Editor: Joe Keyes Lou sets up Richard with his son's (Lou Junior) second grade teacher, Beth Garland. Beth says their sex (which involved fruit and a pigeon that landed on the balcony) is too conventional. Paige's parents come to visit her, and Paige tells her parents that she is engaged to Richard in order to stop them from harassing her about marriage. Lou, Tommy, and a Priest all agree that Richard is too conventional, and he wants Beth to help him become more uninhibited. Beth and Richard do many wild and crazy things. Paige's parents keep running in to Richard with Beth, including finding Richard in the lavatory on their flight home, after Beth ditches him for the pilot when Richard wants to go on real dates with Beth instead of just having sex. Richard makes steak and potatoes on his show. [--------------------------------------] 3) "THE APARTMENT SHOW" * Written By: Marc Sotkin * Directed By: Gary Brown * Angela: Nancy Cassaro * [Landlord] Slavrus: Tom La Grua * Nurse Simms: Shirley Prestia * Gina: Julianne Christie Richard's landlord wants to evict him from his rent-controlled $427/month apartment because the apartment is in the name of Gina, on old ex-girlfriend's of his. Paige feels her biological clock ticking when yet another one of her friends has a baby. She wants to go to a spermbank, but then realizes that the donors could be lying about their characteristics. Gina tells the landlord that she and Richard still live in the apartment together. In exchange, Richard lets her and her new boyfriend use it for sex (she is about to be evicted from her apartment because of the noise). Paige decides to have Lou, Richard, and Tommy give donations and have the spermbank randomly pick one to use. They all set a new record of two minutes. It turns out that Tommy turned in an empty cup because he was wearing a condom, Lou had a vasectomy after Lou Junior was born, and that Richard has sperm that will not survive insemination (he blames it on the summer that he lived next door to a power plant). Paige and Richard think about having sex instead, but Paige comes to the conclusion that what she really wants is the happy married life of her friend, and not just the child. Richard makes turkey on his show. [--------------------------------------] 4) "NYPD NUDE" * Written By: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan * Directed By: Andy Cadiff * Mindy: Emily Procter * Brandi: Lisa Robin Kelly * Owen [CD guy]: Jonathan Slavin * Joe:Richard Steinmetz * Basketball Player: D. Elliot Woods * Sportscaster: Matt McKenzie Richard is in a rut and hasn't had a date in a long time. Paige gets tickets (Floor seats next to the Knicks bench) to cover the last three games of the basketball playoffs for the paper. Lou goes to the game with her while Richard gets a CD player installed in his car. Richard gets pulled over because Owen, who installed the CD player, is causing him to drive erratically. The police officer turns out to be Mindy Parsens (from the "Ladies in Blue" issue of "Playboy," November 1994, page 52), and she hooks up with Richard because she is impressed by a man who can cook. Lou gets the fans at the game excited helping the Knicks to win. When Richard introduces Mindy to his friends, they are disappointed with her in person, which causes Richard to get disappointed. Mindy breaks up with him when she catches him looking at her pictorial. Lou helps to get the fans excited during the second night and is written up in the paper. Richard tries to explain himself to Mindy while she and her partner Joe are being filmed by a "Cops"-like show. The third night the Knicks lose, and it's Lou's fault because the other team banded together in hatred of him. Richard makes shrimp flambe on his show. There was not a "Ladies in Blue" pictorial in the November 1994 issue of "Playboy." There was, however, a pictorial of NYC police officer Carol Shaya in the August 1994 issue, and a follow up in the July 1995 issue. The issue shown in this episode is the November 1994 issue. [--------------------------------------] 5) "SWEET DENIAL" * Written By: Gail Parent * Directed By: Gary Brown * Caroline: Mia Cottet * Doug Monroe: Eric Allan Kramer * Doorman: Patrick Bristow * Leslie: Sarah Buxton * Bella: Frances Bay * Party Woman: Tia Riebling * Marlene: Allison Mackie * Dave: Paul Parducci * Vanessa: Dorianna Di Campli * Stella: Sofia Milos Richard tells his friends that he is in love with Caroline, and they all tell him that he falls in love to easily. Tommy teaches Lou "the look," which causes women to stop dead in their tracks. Paige is dating Doug Monroe, a dumb pro-football player. Caroline takes Richard to what turns out to be a recycling party, where women try to dump their boyfriends onto their friends, and Richard meets Stella. Richard invited Lou, Tommy, and Paige. Lou tries "the look" and catches a woman who becomes obsessed with him. Richard goes back to Stella's apartment, who then sends him to buy ice cream and toppings. The doorman won't let him back into the building because he doesn't know her last name or apartment number. Paige dumps Doug because he is too stupid. Richard Makes Single Man Leftover Stew: "Very easy to make, and best of all you get to clean out your refrigerator." [--------------------------------------] 6) "NEW YORK ON $2,000 A DAY" * Written By: Michael Davidoff & Bill Rosenthal * Directed By: Gary Brown * Vince Jeni: John Kapelos * Luciana: Fabiana Udenio * Mrs. Farnsworthy: Patience Cleveland * Candace: Denise Gentile * Bobby: Steven M. Porter Richard's twin brother Vince, a sleazy real estate developer, comes to visit on a business trip, and steals his girlfriend, Candice. Paige goes out on a date with Bobby, who covers the Jets games from a blimp, and doesn't have a good time. Bobby starts to follow Paige around the city in his blimp. When Vince introduces everybody to his companion, Luciana, and then gets called to Philly, Richard steals Luciana. Richard falls for her, and when Vince returns discovers that she is a "world class, four star, dating and escort professional" to whom he owes $17,000. He has to become a male escort in order to work off the bill, until Vince's deal comes through and he pays off the debt. [--------------------------------------] 7) "LOU'S THE BOSS" * Written By: Jonathan Aibel & Glen Berger * Directed By: Gary Brown * Sal: Robert Costanzo * Patrick: Chip Mayer * Cathy [one of the models]: Kathy Shawver * Joanne: Marla Jeanette Rubinoff Richard is excited because it's his six month (since they met) anniversary with Joanne, who is into tantric yogic sex. When she loses her job, Richard hires her to work on his show. Lou doesn't want her on the show, and quits because Richard is being childish. Guys keep coming to the bar and asking Paige sports trivia questions, and Tommy starts a contest: stump the chick, win a data. Lou gets a job producing lingerie infomercials. Paige eventually throws a question so that she can get a date with this cute guy who keeps asking her trivia. After a huge foodfight, Lou comes back to Richard's show. After almost making lobster on the show, Richard makes pasta instead to demonstrate how guys can show their sensitive side. [--------------------------------------] 8) "THE CRUSH" * Written By: Mary Ann Barnes & Sheila Barnes * Directed By: Gary Brown * Bernice: Diane Delano * John Doe: Jack Kehler * Becky Betsy Russell * Stage Manager: Cleto Augusto When Richard takes viewer calls on his show and does a "shock jock" routine, he angers a prisoner who gets paroled the next day. Paige wants to meet a guy, Kent, who is in a stop smoking seminar, so she starts smoking. Lou hires Richard a bodyguard, Bernice, after he receives a threatening letter. Bernice's presence chases away ten dates during the week. After Richard complements Bernice on her work, she becomes romantically interested in him. The stalker gives himself up, and Bernice gets someone to pretend to stalk him so that Richard will need her. Kent dumps Paige because of her smoking, and she goes nuts looking for a cigarette after throwing all of hers down the incinerator. Bernice lures Richard camping in the woods, and he eventually figures out what is going on and runs like hell. Makes chocolate souffle on his show, which amazingly survives an assassination attempt. [--------------------------------------] 9) "BOTH SIDES NOW" * Written By: Danny Smith * Directed By: Gary Brown * Nancy: Sydney Walsh * Speaker: Jim Doughan * Nurse: Ivelka Reyes Richard goes to see the doctor (Dr. Nancy Minker) because he thinks that he has a hernia. He ends up dating her, and as usual falls head over heals for her. Nancy is busy every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday night, and his friends think that she is cheating on him. Richard does not want to believe them but eventually visits her when it isn't his night and discovers that she has a women lover as well (Bob Hamond wins the bar pool). It turns out that she sees one man and one women. Richard can not deal with the competition and exposes his feminine side to try and get Nancy to himself, but eventually breaks up with her because he does not want to share her. The beverage in the spotlight is Clamato Juice. Lou and Tommy are excited because they are going to a "Star Trek" convention, and enter an essay contest to win a speaking part on "Star Trek: Voyager." Lou wins with an essay about how the Magic Shore Leave episode touched him as a child, which he stole from Tommy. Tommy is mad, and Lou gets Tommy declared the winner. He is allowed to bring Lou with him, but when Lou protests that the Klingons that they are to play wouldn't say the lines they are given, they are thrown out of the studio. Tommy's Poem: There once was a captain named Kirk, Who knows where the spacechicks all lurk. He takes them to Venus, And shows them his . . . [--------------------------------------] 10) "WITHOUT A HITCH" * Written By: Jonathan Aibel & Glenn Berger * Directed By: Gary Brown * Eileen: Carla Tamburrelli * Roger: Sandy Simpson * Kristi: Cynthia K. Ambuehl * Ben: Jon Manfrellotti * Mrs. Rubenstein: Susan Seaforth Hayes * Justice of the Peace: Warren Munson Richard gets a call from Eileen Rubenstein, his high school sweetheart. He went steady with Eileen for three years, and she wouldn't sleep with him until they were married. He was going to marry her, but left her at the alter. Richard never stopped loving her, and it turns out that she never stopped loving him. Paige realizes that she is wasting her time with Roger, a know-it-all that she is dating, and breaks up with him over the phone. He happens to be in the Harlem Tunnel at the time and crashes his car. Eileen and Richard decide to get married immediately. Roger hit his head in the accident and doesn't remember that Paige broke up with him. Richard gets scared again, and runs away, and Lou talks him back into it. Richard is about to say "I do" when Ben, her ex-boyfriend whom she still loves, comes to the wedding and proposes to her. Richard makes meatloaf on his show. [--------------------------------------] 11) "LOWER EAST SIDE STORY" * Written By: Bill Prady * Directed By: Gary Brown * Rabbi Rachel Shulman: Claire Stansfield * Rabbi Rosenbaum: Len Leser * Leah: Holly Gagnier * Secretary: Nancy Fish * Cabbie: Frank Medrano * Kibbutznik: Rick Lieberman * Stuart: Jonathan Charles Kaplan Richard's girlfriend Leah wants him to convert to Judaism. He gets Lou to take him to his Temple so that he can get more information, and gets the hots for Rabbi Rachel Shulman. Leah breaks up with him because he goes overboard on the Jewishness. He tells Rachel how he feels about her, and finds out that she has feelings for him too, but that she is leaving for Israel the next day. Rabbi Rosenbaum tracks down Lou, and wants him to finish his Bar Mitzvah training. Richard decides to go to Israel to find Rachel and tell her that he loves her. She ends up ejecting him out of a fighter plane. Richard makes Bagel Pizzas as part of his Football Watching Snacks series. [--------------------------------------] 12) "OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES" * Written By: Billiam Conronal & Robert Bruce * Directed By: Gary Brown * Mr. Angel: Ted Lange * Karen: Lisa Darr * Rusty: Michael Oliver * Monica: Khrystyne Haje * Dan: Cliff Bennis * Health Inspecter: Nick De Mauro * Building Inspecter: Al Supienza * Construction Worker: Anthony Russell * Dr. Jahrwal: Brian George * Nurse: Jaime Hubbard * Steve: Richard Steinmetz Richard is dating Karen, who has a 13 year old son Rusty. While Rusty interviews Richard for a school project, Monica stops by Richard's apartment. Richard attempts to get rid of her, but she kisses him and Rusty takes a photo. He wants $1,000 in goods from Richard, or he will show the picture to his mother. After a shopping trip, Rusty says he will give Richard the picture if Paige goes out with him. Paige agrees so that she can teach the little twerp a lesson. Tommy has to go the dentist to have his wisdom teeth removed, and leaves Lou in charge of the bar. He ends up have a near-death experience due to his allergy to Penicillin, and has to be convinced by an Angel that he is still needed on Earth. Richard makes baked Alaska. [--------------------------------------] 13) "DYING TO LIVE" * Written By: Mark Sotkin & Gail Parent * Directed By: Gary Brown * Mr. Lou: Mako * Alan: Terry Sweeny * Stavros: Tom La Grua * Woman #1: Darla Haun * Man #1: Rick Zieff Paige takes Richard, Tommy, Lou to see a psychic. He tells Lou that he will have a windfall, Paige that she will marry the next guy she dates, Tommy that he is going to medical school, and Richard that he will die on Tuesday after being kissed by a Greek man. On the bright side, he will be reincarnated as a "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit model (Kathy Ireland gets the cover). He also tells Richard that all their fates are intertwined, all must come true for one to come true. Tommy hires a Chinese chef and ends up delivering food to a med school. Lou wins $5,000 in the lottery, and Paige's boyfriend asks her to marry him. Richard starts to panic, and after talking to Mr. Lou makes piece with *ALL* the women he has ever angered. Richard has everyone over at his place on Tuesday night too see if he dies. Stavlos comes in to tell him that there is a plumbing emergency, and ends up kissing Richard, who gets everyone to agree to give up their good fortune so that he doesn't get killed in the remaining minute before Wednesday. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] -= CAST & CREDITS =- "Platypus Man" was produced by Fanaro/Nathan Productions and Paramount Pictures, and based on the stand up comedy of Richard Jeni. Cast ---- * Richard Jeni: Richard Jeni * Lou Golumbuski: Ron Orbach * Paige McAllister: Denise Miller * Tommy Jeni: David Dundara Credits ------- * Created By: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan * Executive Producers: Barry Fanaro & Mort Nathan * Produced by: Marica Govons * Producer: Michael Rotenberg * Consulting Producer: Marc Sotkin * Producers: Michael Davidoff & Bill Rosenthal * Consulting Producer: Danny Smith * Co-Producer: Bill Prady * Associate Producer: Stephen K. Rose * Creative Consultant: Richard Jeni * Casting by: Jeff Oshen C.S.A. * Music by: Scott Gale & Rich Eames * Director of Photography: Frank Raymond A.S.C. * Art Director: Dahl Delu * Editor: Robert Bramwell * Unit Production Manager: Bill Carroll * First Assistant Director: Steve Burgess * Second Assistant Director: Melinda Casey * Set Director: Phil Snyder * Sound Mixer: Richard Wachter * Technical Coordinator: John E. Neukum * Script Supervisor: Jan Corey * Costme Supervisor: Brett Barnett * Costumer: Jennifer Sculages * Make-Up: Judith Silverman-Orr * Hair Stylist: Judith Tiedmann * Production Coordinators: Rosie Dean, Christine Donaldson * Writers' Assistants: Sue Tenney, Michael Gannon, Susan Stewart * Casting Executive: Helen Mossler C.S.A. * Assistants to the Producers: Tiffany Abrams, Sheila Barnes, Mindy Bazar, Chris Brinsley, David Karson, Gina Madrid, Candice R. Saunders, Jason Venokur, Kerry Vill * Post Production Supervisor: Randall Winston [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] This file is an adaption of the "Platypus Man" web site that I run. The URL is . [--------------------------------------------------------------------------]