Tales of Technology
Why Can’t a PC be More Like a Car?

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Sunday, July 13, 2003

...... a regular Post-Gazette column
by James Morris, Professor CSD and Dean of SCS 1999 - 2004
School of Computer Science

Agnes Dodds Kenard is an author, a poet, and a serious computer user. I recently met her at a party and—holding me responsible for the state of the computing world—she told me her tale of woe.

She was happy using her Macintosh to write, calculate, and do odd tasks; but a component broke. Having lived through most of the automobile age—she once rode in an electric car steered by a tiller—she expected she could call a service station, get a replacement part, and continue her work. Ha! Like all of us, she is on the upgrade gauntlet. Saddled with a wonderful new iMac, she has to relearn how to use all the software which has been improved beyond recognition. Since there is no used computer market for her old computer, she’ll be forced to pollute a landfill with it.

Gazing at me like Professor Higgins in My Fair Lady, Agnes asked me, “Why can’t a PC be more like a car?” So I sent her the following:

PCs are unusable, that’s all there is to that!
Their disks are full of numbers, porn, and bunk.
They’re nothing but exasperating, irritating, synchronizing,
calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating junk!

Why can't a PC be more like a car?
Cars are so comfy, understood by a child;
Reliably solid, stunningly styled.
The only surprise is the occasional flat.
Why can't a PC be like that?

Why do PCs follow all the latest fads?
Can't a PC simply do its task?
Why do they pop up those damned Viagra ads?
Why don't they simply do what it is we ask?
Why can't a PC take after a car?

Cars are so simple, so easy to fix.
You can do it yourself if you're out in the sticks.
Would it be sluggish if I left it off an hour?
Would it be bothered if a smidgen over quota?
Would it stop working if I put it in a shower?
Why not a PC Toyota?

One car in a million may conk out a bit.
Now and then there's one that skids on ice;
One, perhaps, whose color scheme you doubt a bit.
But by and large it is a marvelous device!

Why can't a PC behave like a car?
Cars steer so easy, while staying aligned.
A better conveyance you never will find.
If it crashes does it dump bits on the survivor?
If I forget its silly password, does it balk?
Would it complain if I installed another driver?
Why can't a PC simply work?

Why can’t a PC be more like a car?
When a car goes bad, there’s a simple plan.
You fix it or sell it to an eager young man.
A sick PC is something not to keep.
Why can’t a PC be a Jeep?

Why is printing something PCs cannot do?
I wish the wires and cables disappeared!
Typewriters were capable of this simple trick.
Yet we always seem to need someone with a beard!
Why can't a PC be more like a car?

If man made a PC that was meant to delight,
And really allowed our minds to take flight;
Would it come with a manual overflowing?
And require a staff of twenty every day?
Would it freeze up and never tell me where it’s going?
Why not a PC Chevrolet?

Agnes was not amused; she replied:

Thanks for the ditty
Which disappoints though witty.
That’s not the effort I hoped for
To standardize computers and more.
Enough of this chit chat I implore.
The Machine was created to aid us, don’t forget.
So please, Dear Jim, get on with it.
How about setting a series of goals
The challenge to incrementally stalk
With your technical expertise, don’t balk.
So that step by step you and your minions
Will find solutions and make millions.

But technical expertise alone will not solve the problem; we need an attitude change. In the 1950s we were in the golden age of automobiles, and the General Motors CEO declaimed “What’s good for General Motors is good for the country and vice-versa.” The gold in question was all going to the manufacturers because the post-World War II consumers were so entranced by cars that they never thought to demand that cars perform reliably. They didn’t mind that pieces fell off cars and that many of the features didn’t quite work. Consumers put up with all this because simply having and automobile was a new, empowering experience. Who would quibble about the push-button windows not working when you could take a girl to the drive-in movie?

In the 1970s, things changed. Ralph Nader, writing Unsafe at Any Speed, uncovered serious safety problems and became a thorn in the side of auto companies. A slow down in the oil supply caused a crisis: higher gas prices and long lines at service stations. Then the Japanese automobile companies offered the US market more dependable, fuel-efficient cars than Detroit could produce. It was very painful for the US manufacturers. Eventually, they raised their quality; but the golden age was over.

We are at the end of the golden age of computing. Bill Gates typified the times when he said “The first version of the .NET technology will be rolled out next year with a more robust version following in 2002.” Entrepreneurs cheered when an industry pundit put the idea more succinctly: “Don’t worry, be crappy.” The consumers of computing had been so besotted that they would buy things that only barely worked. Now, however, PC sales are stagnating despite the fact that they run ever faster.
So, Agnes, let’s write a book called Unusable at Any Speed.

© James H. Morris, 2003