The TroutWars began simply as illustrated by this exchange:
* Galoob slaps TNEZ around a bit with a large trout * spooky01 smacks boardmstr with a 6 day old trout * Boardmstr slaps Chichi around a bit with a large trout * Indiglo slaps Chichi around a bit with a large trout * Boardmstr slaps Indiglo around a bit with a large trout * Boardmstr slaps axiom around a bit with a large trout * Indiglo slaps ChiChi around a bit with a large trout * Pillsbury slaps Indiglo with an oversized trout * Indiglo slaps Pillsbury around a bit with a large trout * Indiglo slaps Urban_DK around a bit with a large trout * ChiChi slaps indiglo accross the face with a live trout * Cyko slaps chichi with a trout * ChiChi slaps indiglo accross the face with a dead trout * drue slaps indiglo with a live trout * Indiglo slaps marxx around a bit with a large trout * Pillsbury slaps Cyko around a bit with a large trout * _SMoKeY slaps Sascha around a bit with a large trout * _SMoKeY slaps ChiChi around a bit with a large trout * Pillsbury slaps Cyko and Bobba around a bit with a large trout * axiom slaps pam around a bit with a large trout [ChiChi]Yo wuzzup y'all? *CHI CHI JUST GOT SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH A LARGE TROUT! [pam] hope that was a fresh troutHowever, as all wars must, the trout wars escalated in carnage. What follows is one of the largest trout wars, from the point of view of [MadDog] (that's me) in all of its inexplicable violence and horror. Warning: this contains graphic violence to and with fish, and should not be read by the faint of heart.
* SamIam thinks drue is planning an all-out trout war * drue worries that the others are on to her * [MadDog] begins stockpiling trout <SamIam> whoa, what kinda channel is this * drue readies her troutpanzer <SamIam> :-) * [MadDog] readies his gatling trout gun <_Baldric> Oh O. Time to duck * drue dons her pith helmet * SamIam locks 'n loads the troutzooka * [MadDog] dons a raincoat * drue digs a fox hole, just in case * _Baldric flattens himself against the ground, seeking shelter in the darkness of the gutter. * [MadDog] hides behind the garbage can * Beberg thinks storks bring rumors right? * _Baldric opens his trout-proof umbrella and prepares for the downpour. * RatBoyDX izzz bak * drue lights the fuse on her trout cannon <drue> FIIIIIIRREE!!!!!!!!!!! * SamIam ducks * drue watches as the enemy is pelted with trout * drue packs in another round of trout * [MadDog] steps from behind the shadow of the trashcan and lets loose with his gatling trout gun * drue is relentless in her attacks * SamIam rolls and launches the troutzooka BOOOOOOM! * [MadDog] continues to pump out the trout rounds <_Baldric> Damn. Where's ChiChi gone to? * [MadDog] watches as his enemies are covered in burnt gobs of trout * drue radios her squadron of troutstealth bombers to leave the base * SamIam catches some trout flack and is seriously injured <SamIam> sort of * [MadDog] tries to regroup(er) * drue screams into her walkie-talkie for reinforcements * har puts a trout in a microwave and dons a gas mask. The fumes overwhelm everyone... * drue lobs troutgrenades at SamIam * [MadDog] wonders tuna or not tuna? *** Cyko (~dk4v@TUNDRA.WEH.ANDREW.CMU.EDU) has joined channel #rift <Cyko> hey all * drue grabs Cyko in a desparate hostage attempt! <SamIam> oooff! * [MadDog] lambastes the unsuspecting cyko with his trout gun <Cyko> wait %date <drue> drop your trout or he gets it! <Cyko> what??? <Cyko> who hit me? * _Baldric shoots the hostage. Sorry Cyko. <SamIam> no please! * [MadDog] decides to let Cyko have it * drue slaps Cyko with a trout * Cyko falls to the floor unconscious <RatBoyDX> weeeeeeeee! * SamIam pulls a very sharp trout out of his boot and thrusts it at drue! <RatBoyDX> Lets all change nicks * drue steals Cyko's troutbayonet and runs for the jungle * [MadDog] shoots carp at his foes under the cry of carp(e) diem * Cyko slowly wakes up... <RatBoyDX> I'll start *** RatBoyDX is now known as Skunk-Boy * _Baldric wishes desperately the lag would stop so his part of the story would make a little more sense... * SamIam trips drue <Skunk-Boy> :) <Skunk-Boy> Should i wave my tail? * [MadDog] hits SalmonIam with his Trout gun * drue hides and listens to the incoming squadron of troutstealth bombers * Beberg pulls out a suborbital tactical trout... * Cyko snags someone's leg...hey...this aint a leg *** _Baldric is now known as Nose_Hair * [MadDog] hides behind the trashcan again * SamIam dives into a trench filled with festering trout <SamIam> ugh * drue wonders who'll play her in the movie version of "the great #rift trout war" <Cyko> maybe drew barrymore *** cs61a-jz (~cs61a-jz@veronese.CS.Berkeley.EDU) has joined channel #rift * har turns the trashcan upside down and puts on top of [MadDog] <SamIam> sharon trout *** cs61a-jz is now known as Locust * [MadDog] flounders underneath the trashcan * drue runs screaming towards har and stabs him with Cyko's troutbayonet * Beberg fires... * SamIam takes some action photos at war <Beberg> ###### ####### ####### # # ### <Beberg> # # # # # # ## ## ### <Beberg> # # # # # # # # # # ### <Beberg> ###### # # # # # # # # <Beberg> # # # # # # # # <Beberg> # # # # # # # # ### <Beberg> ###### ####### ####### # # ### * [MadDog] emerges from the can unscathed tho' smelling of fish * Cyko trips over someone's stash of trout on the ground *** Signoff: Locust (Dead Socket) * Beberg counts the dead... * drue has been hit! * Cyko but quickly finds a trout grenade and pulls the pin <Cyko> we all die!!! * drue lies twitching on the ground! * har ducks... * [MadDog] runs for cover * drue twitches * [MadDog] pulls drue to safety just in time * Cyko runs towards maddog and har *** Locust (~cs61a-jz@veronese.CS.Berkeley.EDU) has joined channel #rift * SamIam sends the photos to field and stream, soldier of fortune , and life, and makes money of the whole ugly thing <Cyko> hehehehehehe * [MadDog] lets cyko have it with another round of his trout gatling gun * Cyko 's grenade finally explodes killing Maddog and Har <SamIam> he's got a GUN! * drue uses [MadDog]'s field radio to call her agent and see if barrymore will do a screen test *** Signoff: Bobba (Ping timeout) * har knocks SamIam's camera out of his hands (with a trout, of course!) <SamIam> RUN! * [MadDog] lobsters another grenade * Skunk-Boy fires STINK GAS!!!!!!! <Skunk-Boy> **Run for cover!!** * drue falls out of [MadDog]'s jaws * drue rolls down the hillside into the trout pond * [MadDog] runs cyko through with a swordfish <drue> >splash< <Cyko> eekkkk * drue climbs to the shore gasping for air * [MadDog] dives into the water to save drue * Beberg shoots the hostage, then finishes off Drue... * drue is knocked back into the water by [MadDog] * Cyko takes out his halbred and attacks all like a lunatic on trout <drue> *glub* <har> Watch our for the trout in that pond... they bite! * [MadDog] starts getting very confused * [MadDog] tugs drue to shore *** Beberg is now known as Trout_57 * Cyko hits maddog first with a jab in the torso * [MadDog] slaps cyko with a trout * Trout_57 grins... * drue once again climbs onto the shore gasping for air *** har is now known as Trout_007 * Cyko kicks drue back in <Cyko> using me as cover ehhh... * drue pulls a red herring from her pocket and throws it at Trout_57 <drue> aigh!! >splash< * [MadDog] rips into cyko with his teeth <Cyko> ackkk... *** SamIam is now known as Trout1138 *** Trout_57 is now known as Beberg * drue is rescued by the trout mafia * Cyko pulls out his gun with a silver trout and shoots maddog in the skull * drue is taken to shelter in an underwater cove *** Skunk-Boy is now known as TroutBoy * [MadDog] says ouch * drue is made queen of the trout * Beberg runs screaming as he tries to get bandwidth out of the cursed .au domains... <Cyko> oh no... *** Trout1138 is now known as TroutOCop * drue commands her armies of trout forth * Cyko sees a horde wave full of trout crashing toward the shore * [MadDog] feels eel <Trout_007> drue: I hope you don't start saying "let them eat (fish)cakes"... * drue watches satisfied as legions of trout zero in on the pitiful humans on shore * [MadDog] says Oh my Cod! *** TroutBoy is now known as TroutSper <TroutSper> oops * Beberg opens window #9... * drue caommands them to kill *** TroutSper is now known as TrotSperm * Cyko pulls out a trout net and traps the unsuspecting horde <Cyko> hehehehehe * [MadDog] lets loose the dogfish of war * drue brushes up on her spelling in between attacks * [MadDog] sees the seahorse of the apocalypse * Trout_007 is wearing his trout disguise, luckily. * Beberg runs to give Drue mouth-2-mouth... * Cyko raises the net in the air...making the helpless trout die from lack of water * drue is horrified! her trout have been captured! * [MadDog] rips the net to shreds * [MadDog] rips cyko to shreds * [MadDog] foams at the mouth * drue kicks Beberg in the teeth and runs for dry land <TroutOCop> whoa, get the camera! <Cyko> there is no dry land...dry land is a myth <TroutOCop> this is great <CLICK> * drue pulls out her last weapon.... her final hope... *** Nose_Hair is now known as Shark *** Shark is now known as _SHARK_ <TroutOCop> hey,.... no film <Cyko> everyone blitz her b4 its too late * [MadDog] runs for cover * Cyko dashes towards drue... * drue slips into her bulletproof Indigo leather jacket * Trout_007 stole the film, and is selling to the highest bidder... * TroutOCop drops a mega-trout bomb on drue * drue rummages through the pockets <Cyko> stop teasing us with that =( * [MadDog] chases a catfish * TrotSperm fertilizes the enimies!! * drue is instantly killed by TroutOCop's bomb * [MadDog] is disgusted *** TrotSperm is now known as Trout0Boy * TroutOCop sees drues feeble attempt at playing dead, and whallops her again <Locust> sooo.... what net.hunt is next? *** Mode change "-b _ChiChi!*@*" on channel #rift by _SHARK_ * [MadDog] lets TroutOCop have it with his gatling gun <Beberg> who says trout are no fun at parties... * drue 's spirit leaves her body and enters [MadDog] * [MadDog] tingles all over *** drue is now known as MadDog <TroutOCop> get the net, he's possesed! <MadDog> rowrf! rowrfff! arf! *** [MadDog] is now known as drue * MadDog scratches the tingly parts * Trout_007 drops a 15 mega-trout bomb on TroutOCop (hydrogen vs. atomic trout technology) * Cyko essence enters Shang Tsung * MadDog bares his teeth at Trout_007 * MadDog snarls audibly * Cyko is of no more in this earthly world * MadDog foams at the mouth *** Trout0Boy is now known as TroutBomb * MadDog leaps forward <Trout_007> Nice doggy, nice doggy... <_SHARK_> OK. Someone cover me, I'm going to try to make it out for lunch. Ready *** Cyko is now known as _____ <_SHARK_> Set <_SHARK_> GO GO GO... <TroutBomb> ahhhh * Trout_007 feeds MadDog a trout <TroutOCop> uh. like , i think i'm dead, or something * MadDog sinks his fangs into Trout_007's jugular * TroutBomb thinks MadDog is taking a weee * MadDog tears the hapless corpse to shreds * drue thinks that the new MadDog doesn't play so nice <TroutBomb> Dog takes wees with one leg lift up * MadDog takes a wee on Trout-007 * MadDog turns towards drue * _SHARK_ jumps out of the gutter and runs madly for the cover of the familiar Subway store. *** drue is now known as [MadDog] * MadDog turns towards [MadDog] * MadDog gets confused *** Trout_007 is now known as har *** TroutBomb is now known as MadDog2 * [MadDog] is very confused <TroutOCop> Shark: bring me a cold cut combo, ok ? * MadDog wags his tail * [MadDog] sniffs MadDog * MadDog2 sniffs MadDog *** Signoff: Beberg (irc.iastate.edu irc.ecn.uoknor.edu) * MadDog sniffs [MadDog]'s butt * _SHARK_ dives out of the way of the incoming cruise-trout and throws himself violently into the open door way, injuring an elderly couple in the process... * har wakes up from a really bad dream about being bitten by a MadDog while wearing a trout costume. * [MadDog] is even more confused <MadDog2> Haha <MadDog2> you were talking to drue :) * MadDog tries to... uh, nevermind <TroutOCop> it's a drive by trouting, DUCK! *** xdm (bc3c@MULTIPLEX.RES.CMU.EDU) has joined channel #rift <xdm> _____: heh * [MadDog] smacks TroutOCop with a tuna * MadDog finishes writing [MadDog]'s thesis * har ducks, but is hit anyway because the trout was aimed low. * MadDog accepts [MadDog]'s degree * [MadDog] thanks MadDog * [MadDog] not sure that he should have thanked MadDog * _SHARK_ rushes out his order, then waits paitently for them to make it. "Where's my FUCKING lunch...", he chants, beating the poor worker ovber the head with a stolen trout-club. <har> MadDog: want to write my thesis also? *** MadDog2 is now known as Drue *** TroutOCop is now known as SamIam * MadDog accepts a high-paying job in the private sector, buys a doghouse in the suburbs, and finds a nice she-dog to settle down with <Drue> heheheh * _SHARK_ Gabs the barely finished trout sandwich from the hands of the worker and chokes to death on it.... <Drue> Lets be each other * [MadDog] continues to look a bit confused <MadDog> har: not really <Drue> oops <MadDog> Drue: ok! you can come sit at my desk, and i'll ... uh, do whatever it is you do. <har> Can I bribe you with a trout sandwich? * Drue sits on MadDog's desk <Drue> trout doesn't taste good... <Drue> hm... <Drue> lets be salmon! * Drue smacks MadDog with a large salmon *** har is now known as Salmon * [MadDog] hurls a bunch of red snapper at this enemies * Drue smacks _______ with a large salmon *** xdm is now known as _______ *** Drue is now known as RatBoy *** RatBoy is now known as SalmonBoy * _______ gets hit by a large salmon. *** SalmonBoy is now known as Sascha * _____ incarnates into the Trout-Devil * SamIam finds a bass in his pocket *** Sascha is now known as Drue *** _____ is now known as TDevil * MadDog wonders when dinner is? * Salmon wish people would stop smacking me against things. * [MadDog] fishes in the trashcan * _______ gets a goldfish. * TDevil summons his dead trout followers to rise from the dead * MadDog wonders if phase 2 has started yet * [MadDog] pulls out the Ginzu swordfish *** _______ is now known as KorelReef <MadDog> in japan, the hand can be used like a fish * [MadDog] slices, dices, and makes julienne fries out of his enemies * TDevil casts a deadly gas around the area...choking all who breath * MadDog calls Ronco and orders a dozen for the amazingly low price of $29.99 * [MadDog] snacks on a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich *** KorelReef is now known as [drAgohn] * Salmon is glad that he doesn't need to breath. *** Drue is now known as OJ *** SamIam is now known as GasMask * TDevil attacks [dragohn] first <OJ> I murdered my wife with a trout damn it! *** [drAgohn] is now known as SipsohN <OJ> I didn't use a bloody glove! * [MadDog] doesn't let OJ get close to his Ginzu *** OJ is now known as Drue *** Drue is now known as RatBoy <RatBoy> hmmmm * MadDog foams at the mouth * [MadDog] bares his teeth * MadDog sniffs the rat * TDevil follows up his attack by throwing his trout-trident at Ratboy * [MadDog] steps on the rat * MadDog walks lifts one leg <TDevil> take that you lousy rat *** SipsohN is now known as MadMageII *** RatBoy is now known as Drool *** Drool is now known as RatBoy * MadDog wants to go for a walk * RatBoy smacks everyone with a trout *** Signoff: RatBoy (ASD) * MadDog scratches at the door *** Beberg (~email@example.com) has joined channel #rift * [MadDog] bites RatBoy * TDevil janks Maddog's chain and pulls the dog for a walk on water *** MadMageII is now known as whift * [MadDog] whizzes on TDevil * MadDog doesn't like having his chain janked on * MadDog drinks the water to replace what was lost * Beberg grumbles as his normal server crashes... <MadDog> slurp*slurp*lap *** Signoff: _SHARK_ (Connection reset by peer) * [MadDog] thinks we're all scrod in the head *** GasMask is now known as anti_drue * MadDog splashes water all over the place * MadDog splashes water on Beberg's server <anti_drue> i hate vivid <TDevil> whift: cant find nick <anti_drue> i hate vivid <anti_drue> i hate vivid <anti_drue> :-) * MadDog looks at the anti-drue *** whift is now known as vivid2 * [MadDog] hits the anti_drue *** _Baldric (DavidEagle@eaglesd.cmpsf.com.au) has joined channel #rift * MadDog hopes she never meets the real drue * vivid2 changes nicks too often... yick <anti_drue> GET OUT! * anti_drue head spins around *** vivid2 is now known as ][e * anti_drue coughs up green trout bits <_Baldric> Damn IRC servers. I'm goin ta get somethin to eat now that the fighting's over. Someone cover me... * [MadDog] starts up his 6-hp fuel-injected chainsaw (which uses genuine pirahna teeth) <_Baldric> Three <_Baldric> Two <_Baldric> One * TDevil attacks maddog...pulling the once glorious drue's soul out! <_Baldric> GO GO GO!!! * Salmon watches drue and anti_drue collide. It causes a rather large explosion, and trout go flying everywhere. * [MadDog] slices into TDevil <TDevil> you're soul is mine now * [MadDog] watches as shreds of TDevil fly everywhere *** anti_drue is now known as SalmonIam *** ][e is now known as salmonela * MadDog wants to go outside *** _Baldric is now known as _SHARK_ * [MadDog] plans a shark attack <_SHARK_> SHARKS eat little fish for FUN!!! Muah ha ha ha ha ... * TDevil pulls out the Golden-Dawn and all cease their hostilities for 5 minutes * TDevil kicks MadDog out * Salmon is scared by the _SHARK_ <TDevil> /kick Maddog and stay out you mutt * MadDog whimpers *** Salmon is now known as Whale <_SHARK_> Oooohhh.. Go in peace friends, TDevil said. * [MadDog] cares not for the Golden Dawn and rips into TDevil more *** salmonela is now known as [BADdog] * MadDog wonders how he can detangle himself from this mess * [MadDog] starts looking confused again * TDevil grows ferious of [Maddog] revolt...and Pulls the German site to ward off the Dogs * [BADdog] flees in panic! * MadDog looks at [MadDog] and gets confused * SalmonIam waves a trout in front of MadDog * [BADdog] starts chewing on the furniture. * [MadDog] goes back to his gatling trout gun <MadDog> ruff? * MadDog snatches the trout * MadDog offers to share it with [MadDog] * [MadDog] lets loose a hail of burning troutflesh on TDevil * Whale begins to sing mornfully, in memory of the casualities in the great trout war. <SalmonIam> good dogs * [BADdog] steals the trout and quickly devours it. * [MadDog] thanks MadDog for the trout * [MadDog] thinks Doh! * MadDog drools on Whale <TDevil> arggghhhhh * [MadDog] whizzes on SalmonIam * TDevil sheds his skin... <SalmonIam> DOH! * Whale wonders what a mad dog is doing in the middle of the ocean. Probably fishing... <SalmonIam> BAD! * MadDog chews on TDevil's shed skin * TDevil falls to the floor... * [BADdog] lifts its hind legs and starts doing something on something. *MadDog* ack... how're we ever going to escape this? * TDevil smacks Maddog across the throat with his sharp nails *** Signoff: IndyMan (falls into void) * MadDog looks at [BADdog] and gets *really* confused * SalmonIam changes clothes into something dry and less-whizzed on <MadDog> ruff? > Holy Mackeral! -> *MadDog* I dunno how we can stop this trout war * [BADdog] barks like crazy. *MadDog* maybe we should plan a little gran finale... got any ideas? * [BADdog] steals the Mackeral and eats it. * TDevil conjures a trout elemental to attack all dogs -> *MadDog* How about a troutical nuke? :) * [BADdog] starts biting at the trout elemental. * SalmonIam morphs into DogFish *** SalmonIam is now known as DogFish * Whale conjures a water elemental to drown the trout. <TDevil> Trouts dont drown! :pppp *MadDog* a- a- T-BOMB??!? *gasp* you think we can pull it off? <Whale> Oops. * [BADdog] switches targets and starts biting Whale. -> *MadDog* No question :) *MadDog* ready when you are, partner :) * Whale dives to the ocean floor, and stays there for a few hours until [BADdog] lets go. * DogFish barks loudly and chases after MadDog * MadDog looks at [MadDog] * [BADdog] unfortunately is undead. * [MadDog] starts the countdown to the trouctical nuke *** TDevil is now known as Cyko * DogFish bites MadDog on the leg until she whelps * _SHARK_ circles his lunch, slowly working himself into a FEEDING FRENZY.... * MadDog gobbles DogFish in one bite * [MadDog] sees the countdown: Trout Minus 2 minutes * Cyko has finally returned back to normal * MadDog thumps his tail in time with the countdown * Whale feeds [BADdog] to the _SHARK_ <MadDog> thwack! thwack! * [BADdog] switches targets and starts eating _SHARK_! <MadDog> Cyko was normal? * [MadDog] listens to the count go to Trout Minus 1 minute <_SHARK_> Hey!! I've got an idea... I think I'll so swim in #hottub and see if I can take it over!! Care to join me, fellow fish... * MadDog starts licking his lips *** Whale is now known as Dolphin * DogFish uses his extra sharp trout crushing teeth and tears a hole in MadDogs stomach and jumps out * MadDog starts drooling * [MadDog] looks at MadDog *** [BADdog] is now known as D0lFin * Dolphin leaves the earth just before trout minus zero... * [MadDog] chews on DogFish <_SHARK_> Let's see is a _SHARK_ in the #hottub scares anyone!!! * MadDog drools at [MadDog] * MadDog joins [MadDog] in chewing on DogFish * [MadDog] watches as the count reaches Trout Minus 30 seconds * DogFish morphs back into SamIam *** DogFish is now known as SamIam > 20 seconds... *** D0lFin is now known as Tuna * MadDog nips at SamIam's heels -> *MadDog* perhaps we should get out of here? <SamIam> hey, leggo of my leg! oh! *MadDog* agreed -- when do we bail? > 10 seconds... -> *MadDog* I'd say now's about a good time... 5 seconds... * Tuna lags * SamIam hides behind a wall of trout -> *MadDog* what say you that we leap through the rift? *MadDog* 'k... i'm jumping <Dolphin> Hmmm. Guess it was a dud. * [MadDog] leaps into the rift *MadDog* see what's on the other side? :) *** Tuna is now known as the * MadDog leaps into the rift after [MadDog] * the rift seals up, consuming both MadDog and [MadDog]! *** the is now known as FishHead * [MadDog] watches at the last moment as nuke goes off annihilating everyone * MadDog wags his tail <Dolphin> FishHeads, FishHeads, eat them up, yum! * FishHead is already dead. *** FishHead is now known as Carrion *MadDog* yeeeeehaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!!! * [MadDog] wags his tail for a well-conducted trout war <Beberg> later peoples... *** Signoff: Beberg (Leaving) -> *MadDog* A successful trout war... :) <Cyko> later beberg * Dolphin wags his tail and swims away.... <Cyko> drue: so what is the deal with Pam? *MadDog* ah yes. i'm ready for a beer- er, snausage ;) *** MadDog is now known as drue * Carrion just sits here, rotting away... forming some noxious gasses. <drue> wow... i just had the weirdest dream <Cyko> drue: what??? you were drew barrymore *** Dolphin is now known as har *** Carrion is now known as xdm <drue> like i said, it was weird :) * har yawns. <drue> i gotta run peoples -- see everybody tomorrow <Cyko> =ppppppppp <Cyko> drue: cya <SamIam> see ya drue! <_SHARK_> Well, go on. Tell us if you must... <xdm> l8r drue <_SHARK_> bi bi <_SHARK_> So long and thanks for all the fish :-) <Cyko> and there ends the trout wars