To: partners@CS.CMU.EDU Subject: Proud Partners Date: Mon, 2 Aug 93 15:14:18 EDT From: scotts@MORPHEUS.CIMDS.RI.CMU.EDU Sender: scotts@MORPHEUS.CIMDS.RI.CMU.EDU Source-Info: Sender is really scotts@MORPHEUS.CIMDS.RI.CMU.EDU The following article appeared in the Metro section of the Sunday New York Times of 8/1/93. It is reproduced without permission. PROUD, OFFICIAL PARTNERS Gay and Other New Yorkers Using Law by Lynda Richardson James D'Eramo does not care whether people like him or not. But he does care about equal rights. So in March Mr. D'Eramo stood fifth in line with his lover, Will Wake, to sign a new registry that is the City of New York's official acknowledgment of their commitment to each other. Straight from the City Clerk's Office, where they signed a register for unmarried heterosexual and homosexual partners, the couple went to an airline counter to put their new status to the test. In canceling an Italian vacation trip, they demanded the same bereavement benefits given to married couples. Mr. Wake's father had recently died. It took their new certificate to persuade Alitalia Airlines to give full ticket refunds to both men. "It is a very real way that domestic partnership protected us from being had," said Mr. D"Eramo, a medical writer who lives on the Upper West Side with his partner of eight years. "Nothing is more material than getting your money back." Mr. D'Eramo and Mr. Wake are among nearly 1,000 couples who have sworn to their commitment as domestic partners in a registry that gives homosexual and unmarried heterosexual couples some of the rights enjoyed by married couples. Means Different Things In concrete and less tangible ways throughout New York City, the legal status attached to domestic partnership has meant different things to different people in their everyday lives. More than 200 couples signed up the first week, at the beginning of March. An overwhelming majority of registrants in New York are gay and lesbians, according to a voluntary survey of the confidential registry by the City Clerk's Office. Less than 10 percent are unmarried hetero- sexuals, including some elderly and disabled couples, the office said. Some couples have used their new status to obtain discount prices for health club memberships and car rentals. One woman, armed with the domestic partner certificate, confronted a funeral parlor that had refused to accept her as a close relative. She was allowed to make future funeral arrangements for her ill partner. Many other couples have used their new status to make symbolic, political points about their sexuality. Mr. D'Eramo said he and his partner were not looking for marriage. But he was troubled about what might happen if he "were hit by a truck." Could Mr. Wake visit him in the hospital? Could his partner lose their apartment if he died? Same Visiting Rights "We're still hundreds and hundreds of things behind in the privileges and rights given to heterosexual married couples," he said. Under the new initiative, registered homosexual and unmarried heterosexual couples are granted the same standing as married couples in qualifying for apartments and in inheriting leases in residential buildings overseen by city housing agencies. They also receive the same visiting rights at city jails and hospitals. Those who work for the city may also take unpaid leave to care for newborn children. But the health benefits offered spouses of city workers are not granted to live-in partners, a benefit that the Mayor promised gay voters in his 1989 campaign. While the registration program has come under criticism for carrying little weight on practical issues like health coverage, city officials call the program, which was created by an executive order in January, a significant step. Though there are no precise figures on the number of people covered by the order, everyone recognizes that many New Yorkers live in nontraditional arrangements. "It's a major statement about the legitimacy of these families in our society," said Dennis deLeon, the Commissioner of Human Rights. `A Binding Agreement' "It means something," said Arlene Kochman, executive director of Senior Action in a Gay Environment in Manhattan. " The more people who say, `We are domestic partners and we have this piece of paper,' the more it will begin to be known that this is a binding agreement and it will be respected." But for Ellen Carton and Diane D'Alessandro, the certificate recognizing their commitment is a reminder that public acceptance of their seven-year relationship remains an elusive goal. The couple's certificate is tucked in a manila envelope in the kitchen, nearby so that is can be easily found in the tidy clutter of their Greenwhich Village apartment. The certificate has not left its envelope. It is next to their living will and other documents they have prepared for their own legal and financial protection. "We can still be discriminated against in a way that married couples aren't, in terms of health benefits, in terms of tax returns, not to mention that our relationship is not validated by society," said Ms. Carton, 35, who directs the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation in new York. A Moment of Gravity When Ms. Carton and Ms. D'Alessandro stood third in line on the first day of registration, they felt light hearted at first. They sobered as they sensed a gravity to the moment. "I thought twice; it's a serious commitment I'm making," said Ms. D'Alessandro, a 40-year old policy analyst with a union for public employees. But Ms. D'Alessandro says she still worries when she responds honestly to strangers asking about her relationship. And Ms. Carton said she would not have minded a Cuisinart, or any of the usual gifts that married couples receive. "I felt like `Why can't I get that stuff?'" said Ms. Carton, who has boycotted weddings for years. "I felt like `Why can't it be very obvious and accepted that the relationship we have is as serious as any married couple?'" Despite the existence of the new registry, many couples both homosexual and heterosexual, have kept away out of fears that they have much to lose and little to gain. Not for Gay People Only City officials say they still have to convince many unmarried heterosexual couples that the registry can benefit them, too. They plan a campaign to inform groups for the elderly and disabled beginning this fall. Mr. Deleon says the city's research indicates that domestic partnership will not reduce government benefits, though he and others add that the issue has not been legally challenged. Frieda Zames, 60, and her companion, Michael Imperiale, 56, are unwilling to be a test case. Both are aggressive advocates for the disabled. They picket everything from the piteous images of the disabled on Jerry Lewis telethons to the lack of lifts on more city buses and ramps into more stores. But the couple, together for 22 years, fear that registering may jeopardize Mr. Imperiale's government benefits, including a monthly $520 check in disability and Medicaid benefits. "Why give them reason to take money from me?" said Mr. Imperiale, who has a genetics neurological disorder. "Even if it's not true, people are afraid of it, they believe it's true," added his companion. 2 Fathers, 2 Sons, 4 Burgers But Doug Robinson said he registered to prove a point. He saw it as one more step toward redefining what makes a family. Last March, Mr. Robinson, a Citibank computer programmer, was No. 44 in line with his partner, Michael Elsasser, a fabric pattern designer. They took their two sons, Justin 7, and Zachary, 5. When it was over, they all went to McDonald's for lunch. Since then, Mr. Robinson said, the subject of domestic partnership has not come up in their household. And the certificate with blue borders has been lost somewhere in their sunny Washington Heights apartment, cluttered with children's toys and books. "We felt strongly that we have to do this, not only for ourselves but for our children and the greater society at large," Mr. Robinson said. "It's one more barrier that has been knocked down regarding our families and our lives."