Newsgroups: alt.adoption From: corwin+@CMU.EDU (Scott Safier) Subject: rewarding dishonesty Originator: scotts@ISL1.RI.CMU.EDU Nntp-Posting-Host: isl1.ri.cmu.edu Organization: Carnegie Mellon University Distribution: alt Date: Tue, 8 Feb 1994 03:14:27 GMT Before I get to my main point, I would like to define some terms because there seems to me to be a large misunderstanding of them. There are six terms that can come into play in this discussion: biological sex, gender identity, gender role, sexual orientation, sexual orientation identity and sexual behavior. They are distinct concepts, although many people can get them confused. Biological sex is the sexual organs a person is born with (male/female). Gender identity is the biological sex that an individual emotionally/psychologically perceives themselves to be. A person whose gender identity differs from their biological sex is said to have "gender-identity conflict" and is referred to as a "transexual". Most post-operative transexuals are heterosexual. Gender role is what the culture expects of us because of our biological sex. In America, for example, a woman might be expected to stay home, cook the family meals, and raise the children. The man might be expected to work to bring home a pay check, watch football on Sundays and drink beer. Sexual orientation is who a person is erotically attracted to. It can be same-sex, opposite-sex or both. Sexual orientation is defined by both behavior and fantasy. Most gay men/lesbians do not have gender-identiy conflict. Studies indicate that in most cases sexual orientation is fixed by age 5. Sexual orientation identity is what sexual orientation a person identifies as. There are many people that are erotically attracted to people of the same-sex, yet identify as heterosexual. Sexual behavior is what a person does -- with whom a person has sexual encounters with. A person can be erotically attracted to a person of the same-sex, yet have sexual encounters with people of the opposite sex. This distinction leads me to the main point I want to make. The issue that people keep harping on whether gay/lesbian people/couples should be allowed to adopt (based upon their parenting skills). This is a red herring. Gay/lesbian people do adopt now, but in many cases they keep their sexual orientaton identity secret. The sexual orientation of the person is irrelevant so long as they do not openly identify as gay/lesbian. In this way, society has decided to reward dishonest behavior. If society (and the people on this list) really were concerned about a potential parent's childrearing skills, one would expect honesty to be a primary concern. I have cited numerous studies that have shown (note the word shown -- I have not said "proved" as some have claimed) that children of gay/lesbian parents do not have gender role conflicts, gender identity conflicts, or conflicts regarding sexual orientation. If sexual orientation were an issue, wouldn't it be logical that this is how it would manifest? And if this is of such great concern, should heterosexual families where the woman works and father stays home to nurture the children, clean the house, and cook the meals be disallowed from adopting or be given children only with special needs? Wouldn't these children be just as likely to suffer ill-effects from this gender role confusion? With all this "discussion" about gay and lesbian parenting, many people seem to be missing a fundamental point -- gays and lesbians have always been parents, are currently parents, and always will be parents. The question is not whether or not gays and lesbians make good parents. As others have pointed out, sexual orientation is irrelevant to parenting skills. There are bad heterosexual parents just as there are good gay/lesbian parents. IMPO, there are two questions pertainent to discussion on this group with regard to gay/lesbians adopting children. First, should openly gay/lesbian couples be allowed to adopt (a related question might be whether openly gay/lesbian single people should be allowed to adopt). Second, should a same-sex partner be permitted to legally adopt the biological/adopted child of gay/lesbian? The first question has been touched upon but digressed into an argument over parenting skills; the second question has been ignored in any discussion I have seen. Scott Safier This is a URL. Use it to access me in the World Wide Web with a program like UIUC's mosaic. "All of us who are concerned for peace and the triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will have upon events in the political field." Albert Einstein