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A Letter in Scientologese

Below is an imaginary letter from one Scientologist to another, written in "Scientologese." (An English translation is provided in Appendix B.)

Dear Dimitrius thetan-exteriorized,

It's about time I acked your last letter. This is my first moment's respite in the year AD 21. Here's the R-Factor I promised you. Lots of wins at the AO. Fast-flow is In, many PCs with F/Ns and OT Releases. Expanded Grades and NOTS have made the difference. I'm now on Class VIII and it's the greatest ever -- more COGS even than SBC. I've been totally keyed-out since my New Power. Last night I left the body behind for three hours. Dissem is effortless when you're not bogged down with PTPs and MEST. We have our Postulates In to get Ethics, Tech and Admin In and Clear the Galaxy.

Not to enturbulate our comm lines but something is definitely Out at the org. I've cognited that the D of T is pulling it in. I haven't seen his case review on Upper Levels, but a while back he had an ARC break, started nattering from the bank and blew the Hill. Well, they got him back all right, pulled his withholds and put him through a Joburg and an S&D. He disconnected from the SP but that didn't end cycle. More recently he's been Q-and-A-ing, complaining of SOMS after a rehab and is coming on PTS again. Qual put him in lines and gave him a green-form and a by-passed charge assessment. He had a few falls and a rock slam before his meter packed with high TA. There may be a false attestation somewhere -- EWs or perhaps an unflat service fac. The guy may even be stuck in inc I or II. In any event, the poor bastard's spinning and we have to clean it up if it takes Ethics landing him a Doubt and sending him to the boat.

I don't wish to overrun you; I'm back in my yenta valence again. So long for now -- I'm going across the road to do TR-O on a cow. Talk to you soon, man.
  With ARC,

P.S. I'm signing a billion year contract next week.

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