Date: Fri, 9 Aug 1996 15:38:00 -0500 (CDT) From: Matt Hydeman Subject: USS OBERON: Disclosures SD: 80809.15 "Some situations," explained Lawrence, "call for rolling meadows and babbling brooks. For others, a good mudbath is helpful. I think in your case, attacking the heart of the matter would be most appropriate." TE walked in and Adam slowly, reluctantly, followed. "So, doctor," said Lawrence as the door closed and both he and Adam started walking toward the Guardian. "What's on your mind?" Adam Crown shook his head, alternately amazed and amused by this whole setup that Thomas Lawrence had arranged in the holodeck. "Where does one start?" "At the beginning is always appropriate," remarked Lawrence dryly as Adam skirted a small outcropping of rock and the two continued closer to the holodeck version of the Guardian. "There's been a lot going on, Adam, and I can't honestly say I've been keeping very good track of everything that's been happening. Not for lack of trying, though," he murmured as the CMO looked at him, head cocked slightly. "You're observant, Thomas. You -know- what's happening." Adam's tone made it clear that the events with Lexia and Hunter were the most fresh, though Lawrence noted the faint darkness of fatigue around Crown's eyes. The death of Phillip Crown was still as open a wound as any physical ones. "I'm aware," clarified Lawrence. "But I want to hear what -you- feel is going on. I--" he stopped short as he recalled the events in the Arboretum...and all the implications behind it. Adam was more than anything he'd ever encountered before; he'd known this man had his abilities and this shadowy background that even Adam himself had no clue about. But now...now the veil had been lifted from everyone's eyes. And Thomas Edward Lawrence wasn't certain he could be of any help to his friend and comrade in his destiny. Not really. But that wasn't going to stop him from trying. It was the very least he could do. "Thomas?" asked Adam, slowing. The glimmering lights of the holodeck Guardian painted his blond mane in glowing shadows of tawny gold, his aqua eyes catching the light. "'A young god, he is, who knows not his fate," murmured Lawrence thoughtfully as Adam's brow furrowed. "Sorry, Adam. I was just lost in thought a moment." "I'll say." "Look, you know how sorry I am about your father's death. Especially considering you thought you had said goodbye a while back." Thomas could see the aqua eyes dim slightly at the remembrance, as his mind's eye saw the form of Adam Crown cradling his father's body out of that explosion of light at Tabitha's memorial again. "And he left you with a questionable destiny, I know." "I miss him," whispered Adam, the winds of the holodeck Forever World ruffling his long blond hair, obscuring his face a moment. "I didn't believe Lexia when she had said she saw him, and when I did, I...." His voice trailed off as Thomas saw the stiff tension drain out of him a moment before being replaced with the posture of a person trying to keep a hold of themselves. "It's not your fault, Adam," said Thomas moving over to see Adam's face again. "It's *not*. You said your goodbyes to your father years ago, when he died of Lynastra's Syndrome--" "But he didn't," whispered Adam fiercely, looking up at Thomas. "You saw him as certainly as any of the others did. That *was* my father!" "Yes," said Thomas, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Yes, it was, Adam. But how were you supposed to know he was still alive? How were you supposed to know that all of this--" he gestured around at the Forever World -- "was your destiny? Did -you- know?" "No." "All right, then," said Lawrence softly. "Then stop blaming yourself for not knowing. And especially stop blaming yourself for Phillip not surviving." "I could have saved him, Thomas," repeated Adam, his voice a thread of sound. "I know I could have saved him, kept him alive--" "You're certain of that?" Thomas Lawrence's voice took n a skeptical tone that made Adam look up at him. "Are you so bloody certain of that?" "I could have tried--" "Damn it, Adam! You can't stand here and tell me you can do it all! Because you can't, Doctor." Thomas's eyes were sober. "You're a damned fine physician, and a hell of a friend. You'd give your life for any of us if that's what it took, but let me tell you something. And you had better goddamned well listen to me. "You may have this 'destiny,' and for whatever it leads to, the best of luck. But you are -not- some superhuman amalgam of every brilliant physician that's ever lived, is living or will live; you're not, so I suggest you drop that by the bloody wayside right now." His grip on Adam's arm grew tighter as he spoke. "You're a good doctor; I won't deny it. And apparently it's good enough for you to be head of Starfleet Medical as well, but just remember something, Adam. When it all comes down to it, you're as fallible as the next person on this ship." "Some pep talk," remarked Adam as Thomas grinned. "I never said you were getting one from me, Doctor. Counselors don't give pep talks; if they do, then they're only doing half the job, in my opinion. Now," said Thomas, as they drew close to the Holodeck Guardian, "What else?" "Could we switch locales, please?" asked Adam, looking at the fake Guardian and shaking his head. "My perception's been changed regarding this; it's all smoke and mirrors compared to the real thing." Lawrence nodded, calling out the commands to the Arch and switching it to a more pleasant locale, a recreation of the Oberon's Arboretum...the same one that had been used by Adam and Iona after the "death" of Dr. James Parker. "Better?" asked Thomas as he settled down on a small bench just off the path leading though the holodeck Arboretum. "Much," said Adam, kneeling down to look at a rosebush a moment. "Though I suppose we could have just gone to the real Arboretum, too." His hands fingered a blooming crimson rosebud as Thomas waited. "I think it's over." Four words, hanging in the space between the two men. "You're not one who gives up so easily, Adam." A bitter laugh as Adam stood up, dusting off the knees of his uniform. "I haven't given up, Thomas. She's given up...on us." Lawrence remained silent, knowing Adam had more to say. "You know, it's funny," continued Adam, his aqua eyes distant. "I could have handled anything she threw at me -- her beliefs, her hopes, her need to have children so soon. All of it. Except for that obsession with him." "Hunter Thorpe," prompted Thomas, as Adam rolled his eyes. "Even with all this about my own destiny; my own life's mission I seem to be 'charged' with, I still think Lexia's excuse about how Hunter and she are forever 'connected' is a excuse. A cheap one, I might add." Adam crossed his arms over his broad chest, a single golden lock caught trailing down a sleeve rather than its usual pattern. "She had a life before you, Adam. I know you're aware of that, " said Thomas, as Adam noded slowly. "She was married to him." "And what did he do? He left her. No, Thomas, neither one of them can stand here and tell me that that was remotely fair to her -- or to anyone." He ran a hand through his hair a moment, choosing his thoughts carefully. "She said she was in love with me -- with *me* -- and that she had gone through that whole ceremony of hers to get him out of her heart and mind. And what do we find out years later? She lied!" "The actions of the heart can't always be put in such easy terms, Adam; you know that," countered Lawrence. "Think about your own father, for example. He loved Miranda, didn't he?" He inwardly pushed down the revulsion he felt for Miranda Kensington-Crown. The matriarch of the Crown family was widowed again, he knew, and deserved the same amount of respect as any other person who had lost a loved one. "True," admitted Adam, shrugging slightly. "But you can't sit there and tell me that someone who proclaims their complete and loving devotion to you should have the right to suddenly go back on their word and break the vows they've made." "Lexia's not Terran. She feels how she feels--" "So, if you were in love with someone and both Xia and Tabitha were to come back and demanded an equal amount of attention and devotion from you, you'd do it?" snapped Adam, as he saw Thomas' face whiten, then color. "Thomas, I'm sorry--" "That was damned low, Adam," said Lawrence, feeling a flush of anger underpin his words. "And thoroughly unfair." He tried to keep perspective the best he could, but the CMO's words had cut him to the quick. It had been damned difficult to set aside his love for both Xia Chiang and Tabitha Crown, and even more poignant that both women had been killed before he could have showed them the depths of his own love for them. "No, I -couldn't- split my love in that fashion. But then again, I remind you that I'm human; that's human nature for a majority of Terrans. "And yet Lexia thinks I can do that," said Adam, thrusting his hands in his pockets. "She thinks it's perfectly fine to simply amend her wedding vows to me and try to share herself with Hunter and myself. Well, I won't do it, Thomas." "So you're going to divorce her?" asked Lawrence, raising an eyebrow. "I suppose it would be the best thing--" "No," said Adam, shaking his head. "I won't divorce her. I made a vow I'd marry once, and never again." A furrowed brow. "Then what -are- you going to do?" Adam rubbed his jaw. "I've given it a lot of thought, Thomas. A lot more than I thought I could ever give to something." He brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes and looked at Thomas Lawrence. "I'll simply cease getting involved. With anyone." ******************************* NRPG: Jeff: Take it away.... Susan: Haven't forgotten you. :) Figured if the holodeck is connected to the real Arboretum, maybe Adam and Iona will see each other...of course, they'll each be holograms to the other. Commander Adam Trennell Crown, M.D. Chief Medical Officer USS Oberon, NCC-0111 Director, Starfleet Medical -- Matt Hydeman |***Copyright 1996, Stormchaser Endeavours*** voyage@falcon.cc.ukans.edu |************All rights reserved************* University of Kansas |**** http://falcon.cc.ukans.edu/~voyage ****