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Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate 
on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives.  His father 
tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself... television, ice 
cream, homework, video games... but the youngster insisted on running back and 
forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and 
all go home.  At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the 
hand, and led him out of the room.

The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without 
comment the game resumed.  For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was 
nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further 
interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in
the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."

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Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police 
station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most 
wanted men.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the
photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman.  "The detectives want him very badly."

So Little Johnny asked, "Why the fuck didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"

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Little Johnny is playing in the street one day when this stranger pulls up in 
his car.

The stranger says "Psssssst! Hey kid!"

"Yeah?"

And the stranger says, "Kid, I'll give a piece of candy to come in my car."

Little Johnny replies, "Give me the whole damn bag and I'll come in your 
mouth!"

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One night little Johnny was lying asleep in his bed and was awakened
by a noise. He laid there for a second and realized it was coming from
his parents' room. He jumped up and ran to their room only to find
them awake, having sex. He just stared wide eyed at them for a while,
not knowing what they were doing.

He walked a little closer to the bed and said, "Daddy?", voice
quivering, afraid and unaware of what they were doing. "What are you
and Mommy doing?"

The Dad jumped a little, startled, rolled over to see his son. "Well,
Johnny, I'm...um... You know how you were wanting a baby brother?"
"yes..." replied little Jonny in a timid voice.

"Well, I'm a putting little brother in your Mommy for you."  Jonny
smiled and said, "Oh, OK!" and left the room feeling safe and secure.

The Dad felt good about himself for his witty and quick-on-the-spot
answer and rolled over to fall asleep in his wife's arms.

The next day after work, Daddy came home to find Johnny sitting on the
grass crying. "What's wrong???" Daddy asked as he picked his son up
filled with concern.

"Daddy! you ... you know.. *sniff* my little brother that you put in
Mommy???"

"Yes..." the Dad replied nervously.

"Well ... well... Today... *sniff*... The mailman came over and he ate
him!"

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