23 March 1993



M. Writeoff, Provost 
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Cambridge, MA 02139



Dear Dr. Writeoff:

We are very proud to be of service to you in these trying times.
Although our formal report will not be ready for a while, you already
know the main result of our study: We believe that you can greatly
improve the efficiency of your teaching operations by restricting the
peripatetic motion of your professors.  We suggest that you get
architects to draw up plans for modifications to your physical plant
that will tightly constrain the random motion of your faculty members.
We have architecture consultants that can do this job for only a
mildly outrageous fee.

We understand that you need to examine our models to validate our
conclusions.  A simplified version of our model is enclosed with this
letter.  Please note that this is TQM proprietary code, containing
trade secrets.  It is not to be shown to anyone except your closest
collaborators.  We have sent your signed non-disclosure agreement to
our attorneys, from the firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, P.C., who
will inform you of your legal responsiblities in this matter, if
necessary. 

For technical help in understanding our code, you may call upon Dr.
Ben Bitdiddle of our staff.  He is available, but quite expensive.
His spouse is Professor Alyssa P. Hacker.  She understands these
matters quite deeply.  You may ask her for help -- she consults for us
on occasion and she is free to examine the documents.

Please feel free to call on me for other consulting services.



			      A. Ripoff,
		   Vice President for Inefficiency,
		  TQM Inc., The Inefficiency Experts.
