Hi! I'm Xenu, the Evil Galactic Overlord Hi! I'm Xenu, principal villain of the hilarious sacred scripture of the cult of Scientology. I'm a trade secret! In 1967, L. Ron Hubbard told my story in a document called "OT III": ................ The head of the Galactic Federation (76 planets around larger stars visible from here) (founded 95,000,000 years ago, very space opera) solved overpopulation (250 billion or so per planet - 178 billion on average) by mass implanting. He caused people to be brought to Teegeeack (Earth) and put an H-Bomb on the principal volcanos (incident II) and then the Pacific area ones were taken in boxes to Hawaii and the Atlantic area ones to Las Pal- mas and there "packaged". His name was Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleading data by means of circuits etc was placed in the implants. When through with his crime loyal officers (to the people) captured him after six years of battle and put him in an electronic mountain trap where he still is. "They" are gone. The place (Confederation) has since been a desert. The length and brutality of it all was such that this Confederation never recov- ered. The implant is calculated to kill (by pneumonia etc) anyone who attempts to solve it. This liability has been dispensed with by my [L. Ron Hubbard's] tech development. One can freewheel through the implant and die unless it is approached as precisely out- lined. The "freewheel" (auto-running on and on) lasts too long, denies sleep etc and one dies. ................ My henchmen dumped those murdered and brain-washed space alien spirits here on Earth. They're called thetans, Scientology's term for spirit. You're a thetan too, but unlike them, you still have a body to control. You could spend over $100,000 on Scientology training before learning this startling news on the OT III course. But wait! There's more... Dianetics Is Just the Beginning: Scientology's Darker Secrets o Anyone reading my story in OT III without sufficient spiritual preparation is supposed to die from pneumonia. Feel sick yet? * The most secret Scientology training, OT (Operating Thetan) levels III and above, is essentially about demonic possession. * Some of those murdered space aliens now infest your human bodies, believing they are parts of you. They're called body thetans, and they make your life miserable. This is the big- gest secret you learn on the OT III course. * For several hundred thousand dollars more, Scientology will teach you to make telepathic contact with your body thetans and exorcise them. This is supposed to make you feel hap- pier and restore your psychic powers. * Scientology's technology for removing body thetans is a closely-guarded trade secret. A Church that has trade secrets??? * Scientology claims to be compatible with all religions. But Scientology is not about the worship of God, it is about becoming a god. Like many New Age religions, it requires belief in reincarnation, a doctrine incompati- ble with most Christian denominations. * Once you get far enough into Scientology, you learn that there was no Christ. Crucifix- ion is part of the brain-washing material that I, Xenu, implanted into your minds to keep you enslaved forever. Silly Earth people! * On higher OT levels you're taught to wake up some of your body thetans who are asleep. Some were on drugs and need to be rehabili- tated before you can run them off. John Tra- volta and Tom Cruise are up to level OT V now. Want to know how much it cost them? * Only pulp science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard, author of Dianetics and inventor of the Scientology religion, can set you free. ................ Dianetics, Scientology, and L. Ron Hubbard are trademarks of Religious Technology Center. This flyer was not approved or authorized by the Church of Scientology. ARSCC Dissem Div 27 July 1996 ================================ Back Side ================================ Xenu's Answer Key to the Dianetics Personality Test: Your Guide to Instant Mental Health [ answers snipped ] Want to Learn More? Check out these sites on the World Wide Web: * The Church of Scientology vs. The Net http://www.cybercom.net/~rnewman/scientology/home.html * Church of Scientology International v. Fishman and Geertz http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Fishman * Special for Ann Arbor residents: Margery Wakefield's book, The Road to Xenu. (Margery Wakefield was a freshman at the University of Michigan when she was taken into the cult.) http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Library * Yahoo's Scientology critics page http://www.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Religion/Scientology/Opposing_Views * Electronic Frontier Foundation's "Legal Cases -- Church of Scientology" Archive http://www2.eff.org/pub/Legal/Cases/CoS_v_the_Net * Usenet newsgroup alt.religion.scientology